We were separated for 4 months and she slept around during that time. How do I deal with it?

Question

My wife and I have been married now for for two years but I chose to separate from my wife 4 months ago because it got pretty rocky. We separated in a very nasty way. Mostly because I was an a**whole during the first couple of weeks of the separation. Two months after we separated I went back to her and apologized to her in the most sincere way possible. During that time I realized how much I really loved her. Now 4 months after our separation we are back together, but she has just admitted something that is killing me inside. She admitted to me that she as slept around with other guys while we were separated.
I love her very much, but how do I still look at her and not feel like other guys have been with her. Everytime I see her I can't help but to think about it. So basically what I want to know is how can I get over the fact that other guys have been with her during our separation? FYI I didn't sleep anyone because I loved her and missed her.

Answer 1

has she expressed any remorse for it, or regret? or does she feel it was justified? maybe if she were remorseful and sorry u might feel differently. but once someone has betrayed u, its never quite the same as it was. when someone betrays us it takes away what was there and replaces it with mistrust, hurt, and rage. it effects every aspect of our lives, and not to mention our ego's and the fact they chose to sleep with someone while they were still married. but if u love her and she loves u, u might need to do therapy because of this infidelity.

Answer 2

Well, to be completely honest with you, you did seperate from each other. And, you should be congratulated for apologizing to her and making it work. I'm glad to hear that. Her, on the other hand made a mistake as well. Do you expect her to punish you for being an ******? Then, no don't punish her for being with another man. The both of you screwed up. No reason is better than the other. Were you an ****** on purpose? Probably. Did she screw around on you on purpose? Probably. So, the both of you did something probably very vindictive to each other. It doesn't matter that you didn't sleep with anyone. Are you taking score here? Is it ok for you to mess up and not her? If you're answer is yes, then there is going to be relationship problems in the long run. Think about it. She's crossed that bridge and was honest about it. So, I give her credit for that. Learn to forgive and forget. It sounds like she forgave you, (hence you're back together) now it's you're turn.

Answer 3

Well if your were separated when she slept with these guys,she really was not in the wrong.

I understand that you are hurt, but remember she could have lied to you about what she had been doing while you guys were apart. If you had found these thongs out from someone other than your wife then you would be mad because she lied and she did those things.

Try to forgive her and be happy that you two are trying to make it work. If it is effecting you that bad, then maybe you can suggest that you two go to counseling together. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Was she with other men before you married? Most of us were. It doesn't upset me to think of my wife with other men before we were together. So what is the difference between then and when you were separated. You were the a**. You chose to separate. How was she to know you were ever coming back. She just tried to move on without you in the picture. You should feel luck she took you back. Now go out to dinner, have great makeup sex, and put the whole mess behind you.

Answer 5

I'm afraid that she doesn't have the same feelings for you. People don't get over from a relationship in 4 months, your wife seems to have enjoyed that separation. I think that the best thing for you is to separate and start over again, if it happens again, well the result will be the same. Your wife doesn't love you otherwise she wouldn't have done it. Be strong and get it over, you have a long way to go. Good luck.

Answer 6

okay...this is the cruel end of the opinion. but honest.

the day my husband decides to sleep outside the house, is the day i decide i get to sleep with other men. there is absolutely no reason why leaving our home is going to fix things that are rocky. seperation DOES NOT make the heart go fonder. if you can't stand to be in the same house with me, much less the same room we shouldn't be together. so for all purposes, you left her. you left, she moved on.

if you love her, you'll get over it. because you are the one that made the mistake. leaving only makes it worse, not better.

now as to how, accept the fact that that you were in the wrong. you left, she moved on. you can still back track if the both of you are willing to work at it.go see counseling.

Answer 7

You'll just have to get over it. It's really not important in the scheme of things. After all, YOU asked for the seperation and also for the reconciliation so you must face the consequences.

Answer 8

The truth is your wife did not respect your marriage while you two were separated while you did even though you did not treat her right in the first place. You two should have an honest heart to heart conversation with a counscellor and forgive her if she is remorseful. If she is not remorseful, then either give her time or just get a divorce! The truth is cheater rarely quit.

Answer 9

you can get counseling or you can terminate the marriage. often times after separation things never go back.

Answer 10

you either let it go or let her go! its that simple. when my ex and i were seperated he slept around. he told me about all of them and we discussed it. I couldn't let it go! i alway wondered if he was messing around when we got back together and so we are now divorce! If you dwell on it, it starts to run your life and the outcome isnt good.