My boyfriend of a year and a half has three kids, and they don't like me do to the fact I ask them to clean up

Question

after themselves. They're 9, 10 and 11 the oldest is a boy and then the two girls. Their dad was in a terrible relationship where her and her kids destroyed his house; which we've all come together to get it cleaned up. But even now they don't pick up after themselves. He forces the rules, and I reinforce them when I'm there. He's told them that I have this right because I helped clean up after the ex and her crew moved out; his kids weren't around; so it was his family and some friend and myself. How do I get over the "dad, I don't like her" comment. He's not going to break it off over something like that =) He's had many talks with them and put his foot down with how they act.

Answer 1

Kids need stability and security. These children have had very little if any. More times than not children will try to play one adult against the other. The worst thing you could do is get into a power struggle with them. It takes time to adjust. One of the things you might do is take the kids out to lunch. Have a talk with them. You need to be consistent with the rules, and the kids need rules and boundaries. You are making it sound like a win lose situation. It doesn't need to go there. remember these are children. Sometimes children are oblivious to things around them. You on the other hand are an adult and have a different perspective about cleanliness.
Children want and need to know that they are loved. They need attention. Sometimes they will act out in negative ways just to get the attention they need. They also need to know from you that they don't have to be concerned about competing for their fathers love with you.
They need to be validated every time they do something good. It might not meet your standards, but at least they are trying. The more they get from you, the more they will give back.

Answer 2

I was in a relationship with a man with 4 kids, and eventually it will wreak the relationship. 3 out of the 4 didn't like me, and this caused my boyfriend (of a year) and I to split. Its very stressful dealing with another womans kids. The hardest thing I found was when they said "I miss my mom" or "I pray for my dad and mom to get back together" Those things hurt, especially everything I did for him and his children. Eventually the hurt sunk in, and I was depressed allot of the time, knowing how they felt, now me and my boyfriend are splitting up, and its so painful. Not seeing him or the kids. But good luck to you, I hope you the best. The kids will have to be trained, just like a puppy. Eventually they will get it, if they don't listen to you, Dad will have to lay the law down.

Answer 3

Your in a tough spot. You came in late in the game. It's a tough age group. Its hard to get a full picture of your relationship with them on Yahoo answers... but make sure you are doing other things with them. You don't want the only words they hear from you be about cleaning.

Do you know for a fact that is why they don't like you? Because you ask them to be neat? If there father is asking them to do the same thing, why do they like him still?

Stick to your guns, but reach out to them. Don't try to replace their mother. Make your own nitch in the family.

Here is a tip too, for starters, try to create and alliance with they boy first. All other things aside, boys are easier to reach. Then, maybe the girls will follow.

Answer 4

the kids are probably tired of having their parent in all these different relationships and are probably just a lil weary of you. do something special for them after school. little things count. keep inforcing the rules, but maybe try to refrase the "go clean up your room", kids especially hate being told what to do. i bet if you get the 11 year-old to like you the others will start to warm up to you.

Answer 5

Just do the best you can. But don't let your guard down. Enforce the rules no matter what. Once they get the bluff on you you've had it. Best of Luck!!