Okay, some of you may have read a previous post about missing my ex and wanting to be close to him (as in friendship) but then I had a dream about being with him.
Well, since then we started talking more on the phone and on the internet. My husband doesn't mind who I talk to, he's not the extreme jealous type.
Tuesday I went to his house to hang out. We began talking and he said he loved me still. I told him I loved him too. We were talking and watching tv. To make a long story short, I ended up kissing him and that's it! Seriously, it stopped at kissing other than the good-bye hug.
The question is what do I do now? I know what I did was horrible and wrong. I feel safe and secure with my husband as far as always having someone there for me. But I love my ex so much and miss him terribly. We have been friends ever since the break up, but lately I want so much more.
What should I do? I'm so confused.
2007-11-17 11:01:31 · 29 answers · asked by *ConfusedPrincess* 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, and before any of you ask, this is the first and only time i've ever cheated on my husband..I feel so guilty about it and I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to live without my ex.
2007-11-17 11:02:15 · update #1
The reason he and I broke up wasn't a major reason such as cheating or a major arguement. He had some personal problems that he had to deal with. Those are repaired. You all have given excellent advice so far. I appreciate everyone's help and hopefully the advice will keep coming.
2007-11-17 11:32:02 · update #2
u will eventually have to hurt one or the other, u should not have allowed this to be. but if u want your ex, than this kind of leaves your husband out doesn't it. the heart knows what it wants, even when wrong. but remember the heart is deceitful and not always right. if this is just a lust thing it won't last at all. true love involves so much more than want and feelings.
2007-11-17 11:07:12 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being safe and secure is not the same as loving someone. . What is your relationship with your husband lacking that you are looking for in someone else? Its great that you have someone always there for you but what are you giving in return? No body wants to be a convince. He deserves better- and so do you. If you aren't fulfilled you should make some changes.
But you really need to shake off the fairy dust about this guy. Remember why is he an ex. The relationship didn't work for a reason and that reason(s) probably hasn't changed, you just have romance vision right now. Is it really this GUY you are longing for? Or something else. And are you really ready to hurt your husband and disrupt your life to repeat a failed relationship?
I think you need to distance yourself from him,and really examine your marriage. If it wasn't for this guy- would you be fulfilled or were you restless before this? If doesn't work out again would you regret ending your marriage? Or would it have fizzled anyway?
2007-11-17 19:35:01 · answer #2 · answered by Sarcastibitch 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Girl, if you really felt this way, you shouldn't have married your husband. But.. thats neither here nor there because you DID marry your husband. If you don;t want to hurt him, then you won't take advantage of his nonchalant nature, as you have already done, and you will say good bye to your ex once and for all.
Before you think I am on my high horse, understand that I just went through what you did. I love my ex, and I probably always will. My relationship with him was indescribable. A few months ago he told me he still loved me even after being apart for 4 years. BUT there is a reason he is my ex. I look at my fiance and I realize I love him too much to hurt him.
We (you and I) each made a choice to move on, so you need to be strong enough to walk away completely, and be devoted to the person you promised to love for the rest of your life.
2007-11-17 19:14:07 · answer #3 · answered by Deez 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If kissing someone else doesn't make you realize how much you want to be with your husband, you need to reevaluate your relationship. You are basically dating your ex, regardless of how physical you've gotten. I don't think you're really in love with your husband anymore.
What you do need to remember is that there is a reason the other man is your ex, and that you two broke up long enough for you to marry someone else. That reason is still there and you need to think about the end of your previous relationship and if you can deal with that.
2007-11-17 19:08:50 · answer #4 · answered by smartsassysabrina 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you got married when you shouldn't have. If you still had feelings for your ex, you never should have married your current husband in the first place. And if those feelings didn't come back up until you started talking to your ex again, then maybe your husband SHOULD be the jealous type because honestly, unless you have children with your ex, you have no business talking to your EX-husband about anything. That is nothing but pure disrespect to your husband. Whether he cares who you talk to or not, you should have more respect for him than that! You exchanged vows with this man...you promised him forever. My advice to you is LEAVE YOUR EX ALONE. He is your EX for a reason.
2007-11-17 20:04:35 · answer #5 · answered by tazdvl_31 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey you would definately be confused right now but what you need is a dose of reality, it is clear that you are not getting something from your marriage that you are getting from your Ex, it might feel like you are in love but you are not, it feels good because like you said earlier your husband is not the jealous type maybe you don't feel like he is still attracted to you or wants you. anyway nip this relationship with the Ex in the bud talk to your husband, possibly get counselling because he is your husband and your marriage should should be priority. It will be okay if you nip this in the bud now because before you know it you will do something far worse that you would regret.being friends with the Ex is not for everyone sweetheart you will be okay.cheers
2007-11-17 19:20:18 · answer #6 · answered by Versacetica 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you had some feelings for your Ex, why did you Marry your present Husband? You sound like a little Girl, who cannot make up her Mind of what it is she wants out of Life. When two People marry, is because they are in Love with each other, and want to Live together as Man and Wife. You make this playing around sound like a fairy tale, you need to grow up, and make up your Mind what or who, you really Love, and wants to spend the rest of your Life with. The one who is going to get Hurt is your now Husband, so if I were you I would tell him the truth, and separate form each other, don't try to hang around until you are sure if your ex, wants you back or not.
2007-11-17 19:38:56 · answer #7 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whenever you want to be friends with someone of the opposite gender, you should be willing to include your spouse in the relationship...for a couple of reasons: first of all, so it doesn't revolve into a "relationship" and so your non-jealous husband doesn't develop some feelings he didn't know he had. This method also helps the friend see the spouse as a real person who isn't just someone you talk about. If you can't pull back from your ex enough to have your husband be friends with him, you need to cut off all contact with him.
2007-11-17 19:14:27 · answer #8 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
But But But But, there seems to be a whole lotta those in there. Stop trying to justify what you did! You say you feel guilty... well so you should! You shouldn't have even got yourself into the situation, you placed yourself there because you were hoping for it to be just as it turned out. Are you looking for everyone to feel sorry for you because you are confused? I feel sorry for your husband. Give your husband all these details so he can make some choices for himself, like pack your things and leave them on the front porch for you to collect next time you decide you want to cheat with your ex.
Too late to ask what you should do, you should have left your husband before you even considered touching someone else!!!!!!
2007-11-17 19:29:07 · answer #9 · answered by Shazela 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop and think for a moment. You loved your husband enough to take wedding vows to be with him till death do you part. Apparently you love him. If your ex did not have that special bond with you to let you help him through his personal problems then you did'nt need him. You should'nt take advantage of your husband's trust. The best thing you could do at this point is to let your ex know that the kiss was a mistake and your loyalty lies with your husband(the one who sticks with you through thick and thin) There's nothing wrong with getting along with your ex. You just need to get your priorities straight.
2007-11-17 20:50:32 · answer #10 · answered by tinkerbell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋