Is this appropriate behavior for a married man?

Question

My husband worked with a female for about a year. This was in 2006.She no longer works with him. I am just finding out he loaned this women money. She called my house and there was some whispering. He said she called crying needing more money. He promised me nothing happened between them. After a week of pure hell I gave in and believed him. The problem now is I keep catching him in lies about the situation. I found out the last night she was there, they sat out in his truck and drank a beer at midnight. He swore up and down earlier this didn't happen. He said he couldn't remember the month he loaned her the money. How hard is that to remember? I know he's lying, I just don't want to think anything happened, but he's making it look so bad lying about the little details. She moved out of town. Thank God. I am waiting for the cell phone bill for 06. How else can I check this out without him knowing. He thinks I dropped it.

We have been married a long time. Why can't I just let this go. I have to know. I ask him why all the secrets and lies if they were only friends. He said he knew I would act the way I am acting now. Any advice to find the truth about this. I don't believe in what you don't know don't hurt you. I believe its just the opposite.This women is the total opposite of me. She is definately on the wildside. Tattoos, Piercings, Baggy clothing, a child, and a prison record. Please don't say I need to get wild. Only serious answers only. Maybe someone has been through this before. Thanks

I'm sorry If It sounded like she was at my house. No. They were at work in the parking lot after getting off 2nd shift. They sat in the truck and drank a beer and talked or whatever for God knows how long.

Answer 1

Well, let me start off by saying, that NO it's not appropriate behavior for him to act the way he is. Secondly, I DON'T recommend you changing your ways to get his attention. There's obviously a REASON that's made him want to help her and lie about the situation. Since he's not telling you the truth about different things and "can't" remember when he lended her money, then you guys should have a serious talk. This leading you into mistrust and if he's not wanting to fix the problem and make it up to you, proving to you that things will be fine, then you have a more serious issue on your hands. Take care and keep in touch =)

Answer 2

If he uses the computer .. put a 'key logger' on it.

If he has a cell phone .. and you pay the bill .. have the bill itemized with phone numbers.

There is a way to record phone calls while you are gone. I don't know if this is legal, or not .. but there is a tiny recorder that is inexpensive .. and it only records when sounds are made .. however - this might include the television. There are also other survellience devices which you can put in your house .. and maybe his vehicle .. which could go undetected .. you would just need to contact a survellience store .. I know they have them online .. you will need to do research on them.

Find a way to discover where she moved .. etc. Wonder WHY she moved? ... wonder WHY she needed money from your hubbie?? .. and how come she felt she COULD borrow money from him ???

You were smart to make him think you dropped it. Continue doing that .. he will let down his guard more.

Check on him at times when he would least expect you to be around. Possibly .. check out his dinner times, etc. Also - if you can, check out her places in her new town.

If you had the money .. a Private Investigator might could help keep an eye on her .. or him .. for awhile.

Do you have a friend .. who might know someone who knew her? .. or who could find out info about her while she worked with your hubbie?

You may be surprised at what you find out .. so make sure that you really want to know.

Answer 3

Yes....it is very inappropriate behavior for a married man. I don't blame you, I wouldn't drop it either and if he respected you as his wife, he would not have loaned the money or kept up a relationship with her, even as just a friend. He says, he can't remember the month he loaned the money...BULL ****! He knows and he is conviently forgetting.. He is lying to you because of his guilt, why else would he lie? If he had nothing to hide...he would be telling you the truth...I would check his cell phone bill also. If he has lied to you countless other times, why would you believe him now. HE is guitly of something, I promise you that. I would not stop til I got to the bottom of the entire situation. . .

Answer 4

He lied to you and continues to lie to you. What more do you need? If he lent a friend money there is no reason he could have told you that. There is no reason for him to whisper to another woman on the phone or having her at your house. What else has he done that you just did not catch him doing? I would ask the woman. It usually very easy to tell if they are lying when they are put on the spot about messing with your man. Good luck girl. Dig deep and don't give up until you get to the bottom of this. Remember though that this is not her fault. Obviously he has told her it is alright to call him and for him to give her money. If anything is going on he is the one that is the cheater.

Answer 5

Marriage counseling, and quickly if you want to salvage your marriage. You don't trust your husband, simple as that. I don't know if you have reason to or not, although I know people here are telling you up and down, right and left, that he's cheating on you and you're an idiot if you don't pack your bags and leave now. You certainly can do that, but I wouldn't make such a drastic step in my life unless I had hard evidence, such as catching him in the act. Everything you've "got" him on is purely circumstancial evidence--and can be explained. I'd reccommend you call a counselor first thing Monday morning. Or you will soon be calling a divorce attorney.

Answer 6

Get the phone records first, call her and ask her whats really going on and tell her to find someone else to get money from. Even if she is just a friend of his,which I don't believe. She is too needy and needs her own man this story sounds fishy.

Answer 7

Uh, yeah! What your husband is doing is so trifling. When you get the cell phone bill you may want to call her and ask her what was going on. Do not let up on the matter. It seems like he has a lot more to hide besides the money.

Trust your instincts.

Answer 8

a man who has nothing to hide won't hide things or deny stuff. next time she calls u need to confront your man, don't allow it. keep check on the cell phone to see if she is still calling. just because she moved away doesn't mean he still isn't seeing her. if he is sitting in his truck with her drinking a beer it is not appropriate behavior for any married man. something smells rotten here. why would he give her money that was really yours? i would be more than upset. keep an eye on him and next time she comes over go out and tell her she isn't welcome. she has an agenda, to steal your man, wear your shoes, and be in your house, better watch closer and not be so naive.

Answer 9

Perhaps the need to rescue, to be a shoulder to lean on is a need that your husband has that you don't fulfill? Are you really independent and one of those people who 'has all the answers?' It is very possible that your husband enjoyed the fact that this woman needed rescuing, looked up to him, admired him, valued his opinion, needed him.

Do you do those things for your husband? Perhaps it is time to start asking his advice (even if you are faking it). Maybe you should compliment him on the way he handles certain situations etc...

Answer 10

No one wants to believe someone they love is lying or even worse, cheating on them. But you have to ask yourself, why is he lying about little details that no one would even care about? I hate to be the one to tell you this but I think something is up! Confront the both of them separately and see if their story's match.