I never realised how bad mine were until someone tried to get close to me recently. It took me ages for me to let him kiss me, and I had to move his hand away when he tried to touch me anywhere.
I feel so ugly and sometimes I just do not like to be touched at all.
Please help me. How do I get over this? I want to be able to be close to him.
2007-11-17 09:07:33 · 14 answers · asked by cosmicmoon 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Time?! I'm not just going to sit and wait for this to go away - I need someone to help me.
silverfox9605: Yes that's me, and thankyou.
2007-11-17 09:47:36 · update #1
Sounds to me like something bad happened to you as a child and you've blocked it out of your mind. Try hypnosis to see what it is your mind is blocking. I had blocked hurtful things in my mind and did not remember them at all until someone said something which opened the door and I got the memories both barrels. There is nothing wrong with you by the way.
2007-11-17 09:11:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You've already hit the reason on the head. You have to get over your feelings of insecurity. Do you trust the guy not to downgrade, ridicule, or hurt you? Trust would be the next issue. Make sure he understands your feelings of inadequacy so that he doesn't misunderstand and think you're rejecting him. Also if he realizes you need to know that he finds you physically attractive, he might make more of an effort to help you find your sensual side.
Remember that everybody has the same body parts and the fact that you might not look like everybody else is a good thing.
Make it a point to pamper yourself before your next encounter. Make sure all your parts are clean, shaven, and scented in a perfume that makes you feel sexy. Something musky is neat because it's said to trigger phermones.
Wear your best and sexiest underwear. Wear clothing that won't take instructions to remove so that when the time is right, you won't feel cumbersome while he undresses or you undress yourself.
Light candles, instead of direct light. Shadows make everybody look great.
Just don't rush into something you're not ready for. Maybe the reason you move his hand away is your head telling you the situation isn't right yet.
Good luck and remember to have fun. Laughing during sex isn't a bad thing.
2007-11-17 09:15:56 · answer #2 · answered by christyo58 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The answer lies between 'understanding' and 'acceptance' ~ but with it Knowledge of where / how / why your issues began.
It's highly unlikely that overcoming iissues and, as it were, re-training your self, is anything easily achieved. But knowing why your defence mechanisms are in place is the key to changing things.
Human beings find all kinds of ways to defend their selves from 'attacks' ~ perceived as such, rightly or wrongly. And as a result of such 'attacks,' we develope defense systems in order to deal with / cope with such events that might occure in life.
It is fairly common to hear of someone being descibed as 'having built a wall around themselves,' and it's a typical decription of what people do. And as proper as that might be to the circumnstances, what the defence system does NOT realise is that it's owner might want a doorway in these walls so that a chosen few might enter. There is no doorway and the defense system is not going to take 'the putting in of a doorway,' it does not work, nor is it going to take its reduncancy lightly.
Education ~ is a word that could be used in association with the goal you'd like to achieve ....education as to the 'Why the system came about in the first place.' From there, the re-education, the understanding and the restructuring of the Self and its ways of dealing with the world can come about.
However, this process should be done with the aid of a Counsellor and not on ones own. Not because it's in any way dangerous, but because it is wise to have someone acting as a mirror to you and the to help you through a process that s/he has already experience of. (Saves time, energy/s and much more too).
Good luck.
Sash.
2007-11-18 03:00:04 · answer #3 · answered by sashtou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with stanjims... I think you're blocking a trauma of some kind. Get hypnosis....Personal affirmations are a good thing too. I am healthy, I am strong, I am beautiful,(and you are by the way), Don't let your cup be half empty, but fill it up, overflowing with joy and happiness. Also are your instincts kicking in and letting you know that a trigger of danger has gone off inside you. Are you convincing yourself that you like this guy, but deep inside know that he is not the one? Ask your self the tough questions first, and go for hypnosis to make sure there are no blockages. Be true to yourself first. Do not ever convince yourself to do something you are not ready to do, emotionally or phycially, love yourself sweetie, and remember, you are beautiful. God bless.
2007-11-17 10:02:40 · answer #4 · answered by Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time could tell but sometimes not... Before my husband and I were married we had to have a meeting with the minister my now husband brought up to the minister that I could be a little more sexual (I couldn't believe he said that) but then he started asking me questions and issues came up of when i was younger and he told me it would be a good idea to if I was to get some help.. But now that my husband knows those dark secrets from the past it has helped us out a lot.. Not that everyone is alike or has the same feelings everyone deals differently.. But sometimes you don't even realize how much you keep locked inside you and how it effects your life.. But i would talk to someone close or maybe some professional to see if they can make sense of it... It helped me out...
2007-11-17 09:26:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in line with danger you have been interior the acceptable 2nd, yet probable no longer with the acceptable guy. there will be a time while it merely appears like the main organic ingredient interior the international. once you're there, you would be questioning of ways good you experience and how plenty greater you prefer to do for the guy to make him experience fairly much as good as you experience. once you're close to the guy, emotionally, then enable him understand you're nerve-racking. He could be doing greater to make you experience soft, and backing off till you're arranged. do no longer enable your self get guilt-tripped into the mattress room. believe ME. you will finally end up giving a 0.5-a**ed overall performance and wishing you have been everywhere else. completely no longer nicely worth it.
2016-11-11 22:45:51 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? You look like 16 or 17. If you are that age, then I don't think you need to worry about intimacy. If you're older, well then you're lucky you look young I guess.
2007-11-17 11:15:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you need to love yourself the way you are before you can accept love from others and be comfortable with it. He wants to be with you right? so he likes you the way you are! that's what you should want, someone who likes you for you! Maybe you don't trust him? or something. Work on getting to trust him and others.
2007-11-17 09:12:27 · answer #8 · answered by Leela 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i had the same problem....
i felt like he was touching fat (even thoug he loves my body)
and i felt so uncomfortable...
you need to train your mind to feel comfortable
then it just gets easier...
when he touches you ...take a deep breath and let it happen...
realize he likes you..he likes your image..
i mean if he didnt...would he want you so bad?
trust and love yourself
best of luck!!
2007-11-17 09:11:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Get some counseling... Good luck and God bless****
2007-11-17 09:27:28 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋