How do you deal with a mother in law that?

Question

is nasty to you and kids behind your husband back and in front of him is as nice as pie

Answer 1

Good luck. I can't help you with this situation but I can let you know I have a similar problem and it's very painful for me.

I finally decided just to try my best to ignore her.

Answer 2

ewwww, what a nasty woman. do these kids belong to you and your husband, or are they from a previous marriage/relationship. This makes a difference in how the children are treated, it should not but it does with some in laws. If she is really bad you may want to think about recording the encounters, just make sure that you are not being nasty either. But you are going ot have to tell your husband at some point and if he is one of those who takes up for mom, then you are going to need proof. but it is then up to him to approach his mother about her treatment of you and the children. I would steer clear of her as much as I possibly could, and never let on that what she is doing is getting to you, yep it will be hard. If she keeps getting worse, then you may just have to confront her and just come out and ask her what problems is it that she has with you and the children, and why does she treat you all the way that she does behind your husbands back, and another way in front of him. But be nice. She will either being to respect you for standing up for yourself, or things will continue just the way they are and get worse......good luck.

Answer 3

There is probably some jealousy on her part:
1) You took her son away from her.
2) You are prettier, younger, and have what she no longer has.

I suggest that you be "as nice as pie to her", and don't ever bad mouth her to the husband and kids, or anyone else. They know what is going on, and they know what she is like. It is not easy to "climb the mountain" and take the high road, but you will know that you are a better person than she. Your husband and kids will know that, too.

Answer 4

I'm actually quite surprised that your husband doesn't believe you. If anything he doesn't really know his Mother very well or he is just trying his best to stay out of it. Honestly, what are you wanting him to do.
Have you ever had a conversation with her to discuss how her actions and words are affecting you and her grandchildren. Does she understand that you love her son and want to be part of his family but her actions are making it difficult. Does she also understand that visits from you or her grandchildren may be affected unless she stops the nastiness. Does she realize that her grandchildren will fully understand the person she is and will refuse to visit her later on in life, even without your input (and they will).
I don't have a Mother in law problem I have a Mother and Father problem similar to yours. She has, for many years said cruel and awful things about the both of us to my kids (they related this info. to us later). At a young age they tried to stand up for us but were belittled and they knew to just give up. The visits were cut short as I was not about to let them brainwash them into believing they're lies. To this day she still tries to manipulate them even though they are teens and choose not to visit them very often. As sad as it is, I did my best to show them the behavior is not acceptable and waited for some signs of change. There has been none and they don't understand why nobody visits them.
We can't help those who do not want to change. Try your best to make peace and I do mean TRY. Don't drag your husband in unless you have actually did your very best (it's not fair for him to chose). If you can all come to an understanding then everyone will benefit (your kids, your marriage and especially, you). Agree to disagree and learn to carry on or tolerate things (nobody is perfect, not even you ).

Answer 5

Does your husband believe you about this? If he does not I would put a tape recorder in your purse. I would also tell him to talk to the kids. They have no reason to lie to him. He should believe you but he should really believe the kids when they tell him that grandma is mean and nasty to them. I would also tell the woman that her behavior is out of line and that you are not taking it. I would not be around her when your husband is not there. You do not have to put up with this. We do not have to take people treating us like crap because they are our families or our in laws. Good luck.

Answer 6

Do what she is doing. If she is nice, be nice back. If she is nasty, stand up for yourself and your kids and push back. Let her know you are not going to take any crap from her. You don't have to be nasty to let her know you refuse to be treated that way. She is not going to say anything to your husband since she pretends to be nice in front of him. So you are just giving her a taste of her own medicine. You have to be very strong because this affects your kids too. You have the duty to protect them.

Answer 7

Well this is a sticky situation as you know how your husband is going to react. You could tape her or when he is in ear shot let him hear her. I personally would just ask her why she needs to be nasty to you and your children and play sweet as pie in front of her son.

Answer 8

Not much.

Ignoring her would be the best.

If you confront her .. it would be a fuss & a fight .. and it would be all the time .. because she won't change her ways.

You can sweetly tell your husband the things she says .. and see what his reaction is. You could also add, that you just want him to know about it.

If your MIL does these things .. then she has in it her .. and it is not likely to change. She is .. the way she is.

Answer 9

get proof and tell your husband and have him deal with her it is not your place to, be nice to her and dont give her any reason to be nasty

Answer 10

Tape her. My ex MIL was like that and my ex always took her side. One day I turned on a tape machine when she came over and then played it back for him. At first he was mad because I obviously didn't tell her I was taping her (not like I was using it for legal purposes) but when he heard just how she was towards me his anger turned to her!