we met
with a mear kiss
and forever
made love into bliss
now we touch ,
from afar,
each asking,
why so near,but yet so far?
D.
2007-11-17 09:04:39 · 7 answers · asked by dorian 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
just a kiss.
2007-11-17 09:18:43 · update #1
To Distant lovers i say well done
I found your love poem quite fun
I hope your true love will last
while i check questions of the past
I enjoyed the poem you will go far
So my friend you earned a STAR
2007-11-17 09:14:59 · answer #1 · answered by steven m 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mere is spelled wrong.
How do you "touch from afar"?
Why the "D" at the end?
How can you make love INTO bliss?
I'm confused in a poem that I needn't be confused by...
Therefore, this poem is not succeeding, not delightful, not beautiful, inspiring, or relevant in any way.
2007-11-17 18:21:12 · answer #2 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's cute. Mere is spelled wrong. It needs more passion. I don't feel the kiss, was it warm, did it light a flame unstoked? Make love is a terrible phrase,lose it. But the ache of separation can conjure up many feelings. I don't feel it.
2007-11-17 17:13:48 · answer #3 · answered by SteveX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dorian...
You are trying too hard to find words to rhyme...stop that...
You have said so little...greeting card material...!
Write your story loosely and then break it into sentences with some degree of balance and then edit to rhyme or basic prose / verse...
Allow your heart to write and not your mind...let your pen feel what is in your heart and a poem will be born before you...
2007-11-17 18:14:22 · answer #4 · answered by farplaces 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so, you think you're a poet. well, to match "mear," why not say in the last line, "why so ne'er, yet so far?" (make up you mind. it's either 'but' or 'yet.' can't have both or you'll show your true colors)
2007-11-17 17:38:51 · answer #5 · answered by weird child 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like it.
2007-11-17 17:07:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Good job. :D
2007-11-17 18:00:19 · answer #7 · answered by *luna's lover* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋