before anything else i think i should say i had a really close friend who kept drinking even after being begged to stop. she died from it. now i yell at everyone who drinks. even my brother in law, my own brother, and my father. my sister, sister in law, and mother, and other lady friends usually just have a glass or two of wine. if i could ban drinking i would. i have earned the name "anti drink" from my brother. is this wrong?
2007-11-17 08:04:53 · 11 answers · asked by Stephanie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Yes--just because your friend couldn't control their drinking doesn't mean the REST of the world can't.
Alcohol exists, people use and abuse it, and all you accomplish by bugging people is getting them to hate you. If you want to keep any friends at all, you need to swallow your inappropriate anger, and keep your comments to yourself.
2007-11-17 08:10:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did your friend die of alcoholism? Or did they die by drinking and driving or a fall or something? ...curious, b/c it makes a difference in what I'm thinking your feelings are and why you have them.
I think that you are so very sensitive - maybe overly so - about drinking due to your friend's death. It is one thing to share your concerns and be informative and show love and care for you family members and friends. It is absolutely another to accuse and ultimately harrass others who are not alcohoics. Drinking a glass or two of anything for some people is way too much, b/c alcohol affects everyone differently.
I think you have to leave the decision to drink or not to drink to those others themselves. IF there are close family members or friends who you truly believe need help, then you have to approach them slowly and reasonably; otherwise, you will turn them off.
I DO understand where you are coming from. A friend of mine nearly died of liver failure. After that happened I really laid it on thick with others about their alcohol intake. It turns out that when I stopped the lectures and just talked with them about why I didn't like them drinking - not just their health but also the way they behaved while under the influence of alcohol - some of them realized that they needed to stop drinking so much and so often. Some realized it was best to quit altogether.
I'm so sorry you lost a friend, and I hope that you can help any others who are out of control. Patience and talking WITH them not TO and DOWN to them will make all the difference to many of them. But there will always be those who will not listen and change no matter what you say or do. That is something you will have to learn to accept. :(
Take care!!! Hugs!
2007-11-17 08:27:08 · answer #2 · answered by puppy.lover13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely would benefit from Al-anon or Ala-teen a support group that will address this exact situation . They help families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with the problem drinking of a relative or friend.
Your friend that died clearly had a drinking problem, but that does not mean that everyone who drinks has a problem. If your family or friends don't drink in excess, don't drive and are overall responsible then you have no right to "yell" at them, that is very controlling and more important as you know begging & yelling does not work!. If you see someone drinking irresponsably by puting themselves and others in harms way you have every right to be upset and to say something but it is how you say it that is important otherwise you will just alienate yourself from everyone.
2007-11-17 08:36:39 · answer #3 · answered by Tita 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the benefit of hindsight if you drink too much!!!!! However, not everyone will die from drinking. Your friend was an alcoholic. I can see why you would wnat to warn people about drinking, but yelling at them wont help. I wouldnt say its wrong, because you are doing it for the right reasons, however, unless all your family are alcoholics, I would ease up on them a bit. As long as they are sensible with their drinking I wouldnt worry.
It must have been hard to see your friend die from drinking and I think that is probably why you are doing it, but just remember everyone is different.
2007-11-17 08:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by jodee1kenobi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 5 uncles out of 9 who have drinking problems. One of those five have already died from it burned in a fire cause he was drunk. So i know you are missing your friend very much and that is ok. One day you may see that its not your choice and it will only push people away from you if you keep harping on them. Even though you are doing it because you love them it very well back fire on you bad. I have learned over the years you can worry about people but you can not change them so you just have to take each one for who they are. You may always feel that way about drinking but remember your friend did that to herself it was her choice that does not mean others in your life will choice to do the same thing.
2007-11-17 08:16:29 · answer #5 · answered by luvstogamble1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's wrong, and understandable (at least in the short term). Not everyone who drinks will kill themselves, and not every drinker is a "problem drinker" (no more than everyone who diets will perish from anorexia nervosa). Your inclination to being "preachy" is a knee-jerk reaction to a personal tragedy you've suffered (and I am sorry for your loss). But no matter how you feel about the choices others make, you can't spare them from the right to make those choices, nor the responsibility to handle them as best they can. Some will succeed; some will fail. But everyone deserves to own (and shape) their own destiny.
2007-11-17 08:16:07 · answer #6 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its ok to show concern when someone is heavily drinking but if ppl are just having a few drinks it is fine. there is such thing as drinking responsibly, which many adults are more able to manage than a younger person. so dont go around yelling at ppl, u might end up loosing them or loosing ur mind. just make sure that they dont drink like maniacs or go out driving when they cant even walk anymore ..
2007-11-17 08:11:21 · answer #7 · answered by *Cynthia* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do the same thing. Though I don't know anyone who died from drinking, I know it's bad for you and does nothing but harm. I yell at anyone I know who drinks. So in my opinion, you're not wrong for looking out for those you care about.
P.S. Sorry to hear about your friend...
2007-11-17 08:10:01 · answer #8 · answered by Shady D. 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, it is not wrong. You just don't want anything bad to happen to anyone else over a stupid bad habbit, that just makes you feel bad the next day anyway and that could kill them. I think people should stand up for what they think is right alot more than they do, because maybe it would be a better world to live in :)
2007-11-17 08:09:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry about your friend's death but it is unfair to project her problem onto everyone who wants to have a drink.
People die in car accidents all the time. Do you go around telling people to stop driving too?
2007-11-17 08:16:21 · answer #10 · answered by megalomaniac 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋