She sent contempt of court papers yesterday for non payment of child support even though I am positive he is current. She has told many lies about me to his family, turned his brother against him using me as a wedge and just tourments my husband using the kids constantly. She has told him that she is jealous of me and what we have and will never leave him alone. She had an affair and became pregnant by a colleague of hers is why they divorced. I have been so miserable watching the crap that my husband has to go through and dealing w/ the reprocussions from the children at our expense through her manipulating him that I just can't take it any more. He is afraid of her, or so he says so he doesn't tell her to stop calling him and emailing him only at work. Sometimes she is able to convence him that I am the cause for the way she behaves...I can't take it anymore and I am thinking of leaving him. Has anyone been able to survive this type of thing...how did you work it out????
2007-11-17 06:52:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I didn't sign up for this Beachgirl....who would???
2007-11-17 06:58:00 · update #1
Your husband should have receipts or get statements from the courts if he is having payments deducted from his pay. As for the rest, your in-laws know her history if she did what he says she did to cause the divorce. If his brother can be turned against him, he isn't much of a brother and he's better off without him in his life and business. One irritant down and let the others in his family know if they choose they can follow, by being totally unconcerned when they try to get in your business. Smile and change the subject when they finish speaking some trash to you.
Finally, set your husband straight. The heifer only gets to call if the children are sick or to arrange a change in the visitation schedule that is mutually agreeable. Other than that, what do they need to talk about? If the children are school aged he has the right to obtain information about their progress independently if there are no court orders barring him.
Tell your husband to get a backbone or get GONE. He doesn't have to answer her damned emails either. He is loving the attention and the drama while you walk around playing helpless victim and second fiddle. Matter of fact, tell him to get a twin set of backbones. One for each of you!
2007-11-17 07:10:49 · answer #1 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1st if he is current tell him that as long as he has proof that he has paid the court will dismiss her claims. 2ND as long as he lets her control this she will do it badly now's the time to get the law involved. Get a mediator to set up his visitation and make sure the child support is handled by child support that way he won't have to deal with her at all. Tell him to make sure that the mediator tell her all calls are to be about the kids and the kids only. Make sure you keep a record of any harassing phone calls and emails cause then maybe in you state you can file harassment and stalking against her. Don't let her dictate problem in your marriage that's what she wants to do is cause problems and if you leave she has won. Time to fight back and not be a victim of her stupidity .
2007-11-17 07:15:45 · answer #2 · answered by rosalyn_1973 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
djmixah7 had some very good advice. That's a lot for all of you to go through and you really must get some help and counseling is an excellent idea. I'm sure you didn't ask for this and worst of all neither did the children. I wish you all good things and I'll be thinking about you. Unfortunately, she probably won't stop unless the courst make her. You will have to find a way to ignore those who are not supportive of you and your husband. I can imagine he IS afraid of her - she really sounds crazy.
2007-11-17 07:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by misselie1 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to ask the court if they can appoint a mediator ASAP to sit down at a table with the two of them and let them see if they can put up some boundaries. Tell the court that the children are being used by her and that you are concerned for their emotional health.
If you cannot do that, then have NO contact with her except through CERTIFIED mail. Arrange for the children to be picked up/dropped off by someone other than yourself or your husband and have it done in a very PUBLIC place with NO discussions whatsoever. Tell her (through a CERTIFIED letter) that from now on you will communicate with her only in writing and ask her to please do the same. The only exception being in life or death emergencies, in which case she can call (and if she calls when it ISN'T an emergency, hang up). Then save all her notes to you, put them in a file and take them to court if she continues to harass you.
2007-11-17 07:03:42 · answer #4 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As you stated, your husband's ex is using his children to manipulate the situation, I don't think he's afraid of his ex, he's probably afraid of losing his relationship with his kids.
I'm curious if your husband's ex is the only one trying to manipulate the situation, seems to me that you are engaging yourself in the situation which only puts more pressure and concern on your husband.
Whatever happened to:
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE when you took your marriage vows?
If you had a serious illness or devastating situation, would he leave you for "SIMPLER PASTURES"?
Interject your opinion ONLY WHEN HE ASKS FOR IT!!!
Try to make his life calmer and easier, make him feel wanted and loved especially while he's going through this difficult time in his life. I'm sure you would want the same if the roles were reversed.
Toughen up, impress yourself, and be proud of YOUR actions is the best way to get through this.
Christine
2007-11-17 09:55:07 · answer #5 · answered by Christine 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When you marry a guy that is divorced with kids, you can expect problems. I have never dated any guy with kids or divorced for this very reason. This is how it works.
1) number 1 is the kids
2) number 2 is the ex wife
3) number 3 is you.
Get out and don't make this mistake again. Nothing will change. And yes, you did sign up for this.
2007-11-17 07:22:08 · answer #6 · answered by Julie H 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Was she this way when you married him? If so, then sorry to say, but you married into that problem. I guess as long as you get along with him and his kids, then that's all that matters. You can just ignore her, but it's very difficult cuz she's tied to your husband forever now. Maybe you and her should have a face to face chat about how she feels vs. how you feel and compromise.
2007-11-17 07:04:17 · answer #7 · answered by Shelly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should look into family counseling or therapy for you and your husband to help best deal with the situation. It will help if you two are united in how you're dealing with the ex, if you are both on the same page it will make things easier.
2007-11-17 06:58:37 · answer #8 · answered by Vivita 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
im not sure if you posted this question before. but here goes. first get him counseling at the same time record what she does (ask a lawyer first about legality of this) and get a restraining order against her. if the child isn't his why does he have to pay for child support? if there is more than one child then have him file for full custody of his child and the child away from her. get him to a therapist or psychologist fast.
2007-11-17 06:57:55 · answer #9 · answered by djmixah7 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need to learn way to much to cover her about standing up for your self and confronting your partner
go here
www.barbaradeangelis.com/
http://www.google.com/search?q=relationships&sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2006-40,GGGL:en
2007-11-17 08:10:47 · answer #10 · answered by jimrich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋