My husband does not please me in the bed & when I try to tell him he gets mad. I've been thinking about findin

Question

My husband does not please me in bed & when I tell him he gets mad. I've been considering a lover on the side.

Answer 1

you're ruining your marriage by doing that. if you cant talk to him face to face, why dont you write a letter explaining everything to him.

Answer 2

So all your marriage is to you is sex? How sad.

Women have to remember that when men are told they are not pleasing a woman, that is a big hit on their ego. It's sad that he won't listen but I wonder if it's the way you present it to him that makes him feel like less of a man.

You both need to go for counseling so you can learn to communicate with each other. Buy the book "His Needs, Her Needs" so you can learn how a man thinks and what they want out of a marriage. Hopefully you can get him to read it, too, so he can learn more about how a woman thinks about things.

Above all else, don't become an adulterer. You will only loathe yourself and you will ruin your marriage. You made a promise to your husband, for better or worse. If you want your marriage to be a success, then learn how to fix it and if one way doesn't work, find another way. You don't just throw your hands up and quit when things don't go your way. No wonder there are so many divorces today.

Start giving 100% of yourself to making your husband feel like the king of his castle. Gently guide him when you are making love and explain to him that it takes a woman longer to be ready for those loving moments and ask him to be patient with you.

Check out the below site and send him loving ecards, send him love cards through snail mail at work every now and then and remind him how special he is. Fix his favorite meal, and make sure to have candles around the room and all other lights turned off .... and be sure and have some candles lit back in the bedroom. He just might be more willing to listen to you, you just have to learn a new technique of communicating in a more loving and understanding way.

Wishing you well......

Answer 3

To be honest that is the worst thing you could ever do.. If your married you took a vow to be there through thick & thin.. That doesnt mean when it gets a little thick to go sleep with someone else.. When your married you are commited to that person that goes for both men & women.. I just dont understand why you would even consider that as an option.. Marriage is supposed to be forever.. But if hes not pleasing you and your not happy maybe you should consider a divorce.. It will hurt him alot more to find out you were sleeping with another man while you two were married just because the sex isnt there.. If you love your husband you wouldnt want to put him through that..

Answer 4

If you want to have a life of guilty feeling, confusion, mental conflict and constantly trying to hide what you are doing, then go for it. You may not have any of these problems if you don't have a conscience. I have a conscience, made the mistake of cheating on my wife and now my life is in shambles...and my wife doesn't know. The mental pain and anguish over not knowing who you love or how you feel about anything would be enough to keep me from doing it again. Taking a lover on the side is great temporarily, but the problems it causes in your own head just aren't worth the trouble.

Answer 5

Sex is important, but, one of the least important aspects of a marriage. Trust, respect, and communication are far more vital; and affairs ruin those. One of the common things that people who want to stray say is, "But what he/she doesn't know won't hurt him"... BZZT. Wrong. It hurts you; it hurts the relationship, where you're eroding the underpinnings of the relationship even if it's not obvious at first; and there's even the most obvious form, potential of disease and pregnancy.

It sounds like there may be communication/respect issues already, given that you've tried to talk about what you need from sex and he doesn't want to listen. Think about why, though; perhaps the way you are trying to communicate the problem isn't helping.

Deadend statements like "you never..." or "you always...." tend to shut people out. "You don't..." and other negative statements tend to put people on the defensive. Think about what you've said or want to say, and how you would react if it were said to you. Try positive ways, like asking him to do something specific ("I like it when you ...") and be sure to give positive feedback when he does something you enjoy. If he refuses to listen or respond then you might seek couples counseling.

Answer 6

Before u cheat and have a side man tell him either he gets better or it's just not gonna work, because that is one of the most important things in a relationship. Tell him first because there is a saying "What goes around comes back 10x worst" Be careful & good luck.

Answer 7

Getting a lover will just make the situation worse.Reconsider your actions and approach your husband in a different way.Rather than telling him he isnt that great in bed anymore,tell him to try different positions with you to get the pleasure your seeking. Express to him you love your intimate moment and you just want them to get better with experimenting! If he still gets offended then perhaps you and him will need to seek a therapist that can help him be reasonable in his efforts of tryin to better please his wife.An affair will bring nothing but turmoil and reprocussions that will haunt you. Nothing good comes out of an affair,just a moments pleasure and heavy weighing guilt that will last forever.

Answer 8

Cheating is not the answer. How did you tell him? This is a sensitive subject when you are telling someone what they are doing is not working. He can get mad and defensive. Wouldn't you if he was telling you this? It is easier to ask for what you want or to show him what you need. Most people want to please their spouses so change your approach. If is does not work I would say that he does not care if he pleases you. He should be willing to try. My husband would ask what he needs to do.

Answer 9

telliing him he doesnt plese you just hurts his male ego , and that is whats making him mad , you need to find a way to show him what pleases you in a way that wont offend his little feelings, is his tallywacker big enough for you? make one night a week your night to be pleased , and see if hell go along with it , sex is a big part of a relationship , and when your not fullfilled it can be frustrating , but taking a lover on the side isnt the answer,,,,i hope you work it out , cause everybody deserves good sex.

Answer 10

You know how they say there is no stupid questions just stupid answers well they were wrong cause this one there is an obvious answer. If you can't talk to him about something like that then you really don't have a marriage at all. If you are considering cheating then you are a wife not worth having. You get married because you are in love and want them as your life partner. When that changes and you can't work things then it is time for a divorce. So Don't cheat that is wrong. So um duh STUPID QUESTION!

Answer 11

I dont think that is a good idea...divorce him before cheating. BUt i can understand your frustration....not only is he not pleasing you he is not being respectful of your wants and needs.

YOu have to be honest and tell him that you are not being satisfied(of course in a delicate way) and that you do not appreciate that he gets angry. If he still gets angry then suggest that you two talk about it with a couples counselor...there are more than just sex issues with you two.