am i wrong for being very MAD!!!?

Question

this is daves fiance of 8 yrs....do i have a right to be angry?? dave calls me all happy to tell me that his sons xmas wish was to go to see a dallas cowboys game in texas w daddy (9yrs) so daves x wife is fullfilling that wish by sending daddy aka dave my fiance on an all xpense paid trip airfare from pa to dallas tx, 350.00 game ticket plus hotel suite for 3 nights 4 days............. i am furious!!!! he should of said thank you but no thank you, i cannot accept! or i will pay my own way! we are not speaking now for 2 days and i am really really pissed!
am i wrong that it isnt right that his xwife is paying for his vacation??? she is currently married and again i cannot fathom how her current husband would pull xtra hours at work to give her xhusband a vacation??!!

honest answers only please .....we havent fought in 2 yrs and this is our first argument.....it sucks it is over his xwifes STUPIDITY in my opinion to not at least discuss this w me or my darn fiance to as well!!!!!

Answer 1

Speaking as someone who has been with a man who has kids from a previous marriage....I can understand why you would be upset on one hand. I know the feeling of not wanting the "ex" involved in your man's life whatsoever....but they have a child together. So, like it or not, you will have to deal with this woman for the next 10 years, at least.
What if the roles were reversed? Do you think that she would be upset if YOU paid for the plane tickets, game tickets, and hotel room?
I think that the ex wife is paying for the trip for their son, not so she can get closer to your fiance Dave.
It's not like they are having an affair or anything...they are co-parents, and nothing more.

Answer 2

I agree with b b on this one. If you create a scene over something that involves his son, you are going to end up the loser. His son SHOULD come first because he is and always will be his first obligation, even when you are married, and if you can't handle that, you probably shouldn't marry him. His son is always his son and you are going to be the bad step-mother if you aren't careful and change your attitude.

I think the ex is being very nice to give her son a gift and memories that will last a lifetime. How sad that dad can't be closer so he can spend more time with his child. If you are this insecure about his ex, you need to get some counseling or the two of you are going to have a rocky road ahead.

Ok, time to grow up and tell your fiance you are sorry. Explain you are a bit jealous over this and having a hard time handling what has happened but you are so glad he is going to make his son so happy.

And no matter how mad you two might be at each other, Never Ever go to bed angry. If he died tonight, that would be on your mind for the rest of your life, how your last words to him were bitter ones. Immaturity pouts, maturity says they are sorry no matter who is wrong.

And how sad that someone who claims to love him begrudges him this happy time with his son. Start giving 100% of yourself to this relationship and things will be much better for both of you. Selfishness ruins every relationship out there.

Answer 3

How often does he see his son? Is this a once in a lifetime deal? Do you have children? The parent/child bond is always going to be there. Children are only young once and he may not have another chance like this again.

As a parent I understand his need to be near his child. just trust his feelings for you because if you make him choose you might lose him.

I agree this should have been discussed with you, but the result would probably be the same. Ask yourself this - Is this argument worth risking an 8 yr old relationship?

Answer 4

You are not responsible for how you feel. Nobody can control their feelings. I understand your emotions, and I probably would feel the same way. His ex should have discussed this with you before doing this. However, your fiance has done nothing wrong except for accepting a gift that will make his son very happy.

Let them go - they will be making a memory that will last them a lifetime. And you can smile when you hear them talking about that trip in 20 years, knowing you were the bigger and better person by accepting it, and giving them both your blessings and hope that they have a lot of fun together.

I would also secretly put a card in their luggage wishing them a good time. You will be the bigger person and they will both remember that part of the trip, too.

Answer 5

I'm probably the minority when it comes to this issue..

Personally, I don't see a thing wrong with her offering him a trip there to spend some time with his son, doing something they'll both enjoy a lot.

Is Dave having financial trouble, or at least in a position where he wouldn't be able to pay for the trip himself? If so, chances are.. his ex-wife (and her husband) is well aware of that, and is just wanting to do something nice for him, and their son.

I think you need to calm down, a lot. There's no reason to make it such a big deal.

I would imagine, that if you continue to make such a fuss about it, you're going to push him to make a choice, between making his son happy, or making you happy. I think it's safe to assume that you would not be the winner in that situation.. So, calm down, and be supportive. He's not going there to hang out with his ex-wife. He's going to spend time with his son.

You just need to learn to relax, and be supportive.. cause if you keep on like the way you're being right now, you're just going to end up pushing him away.

Answer 6

I get where you are coming from...our arguments usually are about the money his ex sucks out of us..they are trouble makers in their own ways, sometimes ways that make no since to anyone else when you try to explain it. I think a serious talk about how you feel and why is in order here. What my husband and I did a long time ago over ex issues was to make a list of all the things that were bothering us....under each issue was how it made us feel...usually fear was the root of it all....and then put down a possible solution to the problem. Read about blended family issues...this is important because it is a complex dynamic and you will have to have thick skin, and an understanding of what it all is to deal with it all.

Answer 7

Take a deep breath... Is the ex-wife going on this trip?
Are you worried he will cheat on you while staying in this suite?

If not, it is your sweetheart spending time with his son. Don't get in the middle of that. The kids mother is granting a wish for him.. it sounds great and very generous. If she and her current spouse have the means and the desire to foot the bill for this foray.. great what a fabulous gift.

In my opinion you are over reacting, while your Sweetheart is gone plan a spa day for you and a GF, it'll be great.

He can tell you all about it when he gets back.

Cheers

Answer 8

I think you should be grateful, that the trip doesn't have to come out of your money. What's the big deal that she paid for it? It is her Christmas gift to her son, to have his dad come out for the game.


That's part of the problem of being with a guy with baggage. You will have to put up with the X and the step children to stay with the guy. Is the X going to be staying at the hotel and going to the game with your bf? That's what should concern you. Are they going to have an affair some time in those 3 nights?

Answer 9

Why don't you just go with them down there, but not go to the game? It wouldn't cost much extra, and she may be truly doing this for their son. If it is something her son truly wanted because that is such a strong bond between the son and father then why be so angry? I could understand if you felt he was going down there to see her, but if it is just for the son and father to be together and go to a football game as a bonding experience then don't be so upset. I had the same thing happen to me when my wife bought me two tickets to go and see a University of Kentucky basketball game with my father. The only difference is that my wife and I are still married (even though at the end she wanted to go), but it was a great experience for both my father and myself.

Answer 10

On her part as a mother she is doing what she feels will make her son happy. Now as for your husband he could have said no I got my own way. But seems to me you are mad cause she wants to give her son a good Christmas. Question are you feeling left out cause you never said were you going. It's obvious she wants him to spend time with HIS son. Instead of seeing it as a STUPID gift look at it from another point of view Father and son spending quality time together. And maybe you can go to and be there after the game. Don't make him feel guilty for excepting a free gift to see his son.