I thought my second wife was my soul mate. I thought this marriage was a match made in Heaven. I was wrong. After 7 years of trying to make what should have been the perfect marriage work I find myself divorced again.
I'm told I'm a nice guy and the people who know me think I'm a good person. I have most of the physical custody of my son and for that I am grateful. I have a new apartment and I'm saving for a house to buy for my son and I. My home life is peaceful now, and my work pays the bills. Life is good in many ways so what's the problem.
The problem comes when I think about dating again and starting another relationship. I just can't see myself doing it. I'm 48 years old and there are plenty of women out there but when I look through the personals ads and try to imagine myself dating again I get turned off. I've only been divorced a few months now and the whole process was hellish . Is this the wrong way to feel?
2007-11-17 02:54:25 · 24 answers · asked by IveBeenThere 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've been hurt. And it's only been a few months since you were deeply hurt ... the wounds are still raw .. so it seems you may not be ready yet.
Give yourself time. Time .. is the healer of most things.
It sounds like your second mariage was great for you .. so the hurt must have been terrible. You probably cannot completely recover from this hurt easily .. nor quickly. You need time.
For now .. just put the thought of a new love out of your mind. The personal ads are not the best place to look for love.
Give yourself some free time. Don't look for love. Don't even let it dwell on your mind. Take this time to heal .. enjoy your son .. and work on getting your new home.
I have always heard that a person will find love - when they stop looking for it.
You are just simply not ready yet. Let yourself get over all the hurt .. but don't sit around and harp on the past ... go forward with your life. Put a lot of fun things in your life with your son .. go fishing, etc .. do guy things together.
You have the opportunity to begin anew .. with everything. Consider this as a positive & good thing.
When you recover from this - you will be ready for a new relationship that you could really enjoy .. and you won't have the past breaking your heart while you are with someone new.
You can do it .. just 'back-off' from starting a new relationship now .. and let yourself heal. When you do this, things will be different.
To answer your question .. it is not a wrong way to feel. You've had a lot of hurt. Sometimes things like this leaves a bad feeling . Just allow yourself to get over it.
Make sure you allow yourself to move forward - and go on with your life.
Just know .. you have to try .. and it takes TIME.
One day, the sun will shine again for you.
2007-11-17 03:15:31 · answer #1 · answered by Tara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
According to studies 2008 is the beginning of a new 'Baby Boom Era'. Also, as far as young mothers aged 12-16, it is poor education from the parents. No education on protection and abstinence. Lack of the 'sex talk'. Not fully understanding what can happen. Or wanting to have a child to fill a void they have, to have someone that loves them unconditionally. 17-18 I would say is just the girl feeling as though she is becoming and adult and ready to be in control of her own life. Has a lot of sex, 'because she can' or because it makes her feel better (those that have problems)... but fails to use protection or thinks that the 'pull out' method will in fact work every time... and many other reasons. After that, it's just lack of protection and responsibilty, a lot of times related to drinking. (Unless of course the couple is married!) Now adding to this. I am 18 years old (19 in December) and me and my fiance are expecting our first next May. We are absolutely ready, financially and mentally. It's really just a matter of how things happen. Hope I helped a bit, I put some thought into it.
2016-05-23 23:27:32 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what your feeling a 100%. Unlike you I was not married but engaged to a man I thought was my soulemate. Unfortunatley he was not. In retrospect the break up was for the best. It takes time though, and a it also takes a lot of pain and self discovery. So what if you dont want to date yet? There is no time limit on heartache and getting better. I think you are doing the best you can by taking care of your son and yourself. Your child at the moment is the most important thing in the world and as long as he is a happy and in a nurturing atmosphere then thats all that matters. Put more time into yourself. Go to the park with your son, baseball games, movies. Involve yourself in his school life. Eventually you will wake up one day and realize that you no longer hurt and feel the way you do towards dating. That barrier will be down and life will change. Who know's you might just meet the "right woman" for you through your son. In the meantime chin up and may you feel better soon. :)
2007-11-17 03:33:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It makes sense that after two marriages the didn't work out... that you are just not interested in giving it another shot. There is nothing wrong with that and it is not unexpected. Just take some time to focus on yourself. Don't concern yourself with dating right now. After all, it has only been a few months since your divorce. It takes time to heal and move on. Just because your home is stable and the bills are in order doesn't mean that emotionally you are ready to begin a relationship. Be patient and open minded... you never know what might happen in your future!.
2007-11-17 03:06:21 · answer #4 · answered by Kim 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right now it's perfectly normal for you to feel this way. After a divorce it takes some time for the wounds to heal. That doesn't mean that at some point down the road you won't feel like dating again, if and when that time comes you will know you are ready to get back out there again.
Also, I do agree with the person who said that there is no such thing as a "soulmate". There are tons of women you could have successful relationships with if you wanted to do so!
2007-11-17 03:20:02 · answer #5 · answered by looneybin90 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not wrong at all. And if the right woman comes along, you will most likely change the way you feel.
You do not have to date to be happy. Spend the quality time with your son. You will never regret that. Maybe someday you will want some female companionship, but maybe you won't, too.
PS I too believe in soul mates. But there can be more than one.
2007-11-17 02:59:27 · answer #6 · answered by nurse ratchet 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How could that possibly be wrong, perhaps it was the rush to be in a relationship that got you two divorces and now you've matured enough to realize that you NEED to be on your own for a while before you can be with someone else.
Focus on raising your son, not your love life.
2007-11-17 03:06:41 · answer #7 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong in feeling that way. Wallow in it for some time and give yourself the space and time u need. Build a bond with your son..... take him and go away for some time for a holiday or some thing like that.... travel is the best medicene. the problem is that like me u are also looking for a perfect world and dont understand why u dont get it. U feel cheated at the end of the day dont you? i understand perfectly.....Look at the positive side u are your own master... live life on your terms...... Smile away the blues
2007-11-17 03:35:23 · answer #8 · answered by Alpana K 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There's nothing wrong with this, in due time get out and date again if you want. I understand what you are saying here I just got divorced after 31 years, I have everything the way I want it. and it's peaceful.
2007-11-17 03:04:32 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your not wrong at all . You really need to take time to find yourself again. I'm sure the divorce is very hard on your son also so why not spend more time with him. Who knows this may be just what ya'll need to heal and move forward.
2007-11-17 03:53:48 · answer #10 · answered by carmey1173 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋