Why would a respectable, sucessful adult man cheat on his wife?

Question

my son-in-law confessed to my daughter after 3 yrs of marriage that he had slept with a prostitute on a business trip. After marriage conseling and seeing a medical doctor it was decided he was manic depressive and was put on Zoloft. They decided all was well and started a family. After the second child was born he started the business trips again and after this last one called home to tell my daughter he had lost his wedding band. So now it appears that he is taking off his wedding band when he travels and this time lost it. He is a good person, great father and husband, but I think is troubled. Can anyone shed some light on this for me. I am very worried. They are both college educated, did not marry until they were thirty and are very successful. I am divorced twice and do not want to see my children have to go through the nightmare of divorce. Maybe some males out there can tell me why this happens.

Answer 1

is he lacking something from his wife? intimacy reasons maybe. if they are so successful, u know how that is sweety. does ur daughter spend all days and nights working or being away,and does he do the same thing? if so, what relationship is that. there are many succesfull people out there who have this kind of a marriage, which is no marriage really. now i don't know if this is the case or not, but, you should talk to your daughter about it, and ask some serious, intimate questions. maybe he doesn't feel fulfilled. is she neglecting him at home? i really believe that every man cheats for a reason, meaning, usually it is the womans fault for not doing her job, we women need to be a certain way with men, and vice versa of course. please try to answer the questions so we know what we r working with....

Answer 2

This has really nothing to do with being college educated age or money issues some people women or men just feel the need to cheat. Some feel the need to cheat because maybe home life isnt a thrill anymore and some just do it just to do it. I'm a 19 male so i think once a cheater always a cheater a person should never get married if they cannot commit. Also this guy may have commitment issues. Just a thought.

Answer 3

I think that all excuses aside, you need to tell things the way they are.
Whatever his reasons were for cheating the first time, he was forgiven and agreed not to do it again. The second time can't be an accident as well. He had to want it to happen!
So, that she loves her hubby is one thing, but trying to hide from reality is hardly going to help them!
Divorce is not always the solution for everybody, however, sometimes, it may be the only solution for some people, and you can't tell them not to do it.
You had your own life, you have to let them live theirs and make their own mistakes if that's what it takes
At the end of the day, her hubby has a nasty vice and it is sleeping with prostitutes, whatever his reasons maybe.
He's got the money, the opportunity and he also makes it a conscious choice!

Answer 4

You said it yourself - the guy has very serious deep rooted issues! OBVIOUSLY he is not being totally honest with his doctor either - so knowing that you really do not know this man after all, what are the options??

Stay with him and pray against all odds that he somehow magically changes - risk the fact that he might one day snap and get violent, be unhappy but stay married, or GET OUT.

WHAT would be the best for EVERYONE involved? At least be separated and give him time to get some REAL help this time. I would not trust the guy anymore - in fact, he would scare me. You have a strange way of judging a person - a liar and a cheat is a good and successful man??
Because he IS a very good liar, he is dangerous. You really do not know this man at all.

Answer 5

The why is simple - biology. Men are biologically polygamous. There is a reason for - the worlds oldest profession - and about 12,000 topless bars. There was only one male review for women in the whole of the US and it had to go on the road to survive. There is a reason for that. Also, going with a hooker is a serious adrenaline rush. He is being a *** about it all, but he is acting fairly naturally. You don't like it, which makes sense, but you have to deal with the reality of the situation. There is a reason why the divorce rate is 50% or greater and the divorce rate amoung swingers is about 10%.

Answer 6

Granny, men (and women) cheat because they can. It is just that simple. People have their own breaking points, and it sounds like your son-in-law is just a very sexual person. I hate to hear that because he slept with a prostitute everyone (including a doctor) felt the need to medicate him. The thing is he had a weak moment and the opportunity was there so he took it. Don't try to over-analyze it, because it is just that simple. The best thing they can do is for your daughter and him to sit and talk about his sexual behavior and find ways that they together can get through it and prevent him from doing it again. Good luck.

Answer 7

Being successful does not have anything to do with his cheating.

Lots of men cheat easily. They cannot resist the temptation. Especially - when they travel .. and go to places where the temptation is more.

He may need to see a Counselor .. however, it will have to be him who makes this decision.

Since he cheated once with a prostitute - your daughter has great concern for diseases. It would be wise for her to be periodically checked. Especially if she suspects he is cheating again. It would be better to be safe.

If she could catch him .. it would call him out .. then he would just about have to seek help. Cheating is not always a medical problem .. or a mental problem. Some people simply cheat because they like to do it. And lots of spouses would really be surprised to discover how their spouse acts when they are away.

Your daughter needs to have real proof .. then help him get help. They both need closure if he is having a real medical/physical problem .. or if he is just liking to cheat.

Cheating is not healthy for your daughter - nor him.

Answer 8

I can't believe they put him on Zoloft for this. Honey, he's cheating because he can. Yes, it's that simple. He's weak of character and can't resist the sexual urges all men get. It's not that he doesn't love your daughter, or that he doesn't appreciate his family, it's simply that his view on women is more of an object thing, than one of a partner. They need a better counselor, especially if he's going to continue to go on his business trips. They have to make him change his mindset and give them both the tools they need to work through this.

Right now your daughter is suffering. Sure, everything is okay on the outside, but you know what this is like, you've been there...twice. Be the one she can turn to, rather the one she lies to about what this is doing to her. She needs you mom, and she needs to told it's okay if she's had enough. I know you are trying to avoid divorce for her, but keep in mind that life is short and we only get one shot at it. Would you rather see your daughter happy and with someone who respects her enough to not cheat, or live with someone who constantly hurts her?

Answer 9

Cheating has nothing whatsoever to do with any relationship deficiency. Men don't stay with a woman soley because she's sexy gorgeous. On the otherhand, men don't cheat because their wife is fat, ugly, or unsightly. Men cheat (or women) because they are hampsters in a tread mill convinced that they must seek to explore far away places. Ultimately spinning their wheels trying to capture some elusive fantasy. Cheaters have the relationship cankerous problem although they often "blame" their unenlightened partners. Don't buy into the BS.

Answer 10

Men like they say they are ''ARE POLYGAMOUS'' by nature women can always caught their men looking at someone else's butt or chest,doing this very often and obviously,makes them a cheater already,you should ask your daughter if she's satisfying the needs of her husband sexually,when men are contented with the wife they have they don't really look for someone else's cave to rest their ***** on,women sometimes do lack on things they ought to be doing like being nice to their husbands,submission,and respect,have you asked your how was she treating Her husband at home or outside? But still if your daughter lacks something that does'nt give the man the right to be unfaithful anything can be discussed properly,god communication is a good foundation of a lasting relationship,and if their relationship will be bounded by fearing GOD,wherever they both maybe they will always stay honest and faithful to one another,because they know that anything they do whether its hidden or outspoken our ALMIGHTY GOD JEHOVAH can see's it