How to get close to my wife?

Question

Recently we have seperated. Within the last week, she decided to come back and we decided to work on things. Its still been rough through out the week, and on numerous occasions she says you know what im leaving, we dont belong together. She says this is out of anger, and brought on my repetitive questions about if she loves me, wants to be with me and questions like that, that i always ask her. This comes from my insecurities obviously since she left and went as far a to get divorce papers. She says she wants to be with me, but needs her space too. What i need to know is peoples thoughts on that. Furthermore, she says i have no control over her, and i should not be able to have any input on her life at all. dotn you think as a husband i should have some sort of say, some sort of control (even if little). how do i try to give her space, and at same time try to be close to her. i am in the spot of wanting to be around her a lot right now. i feel kind of needy, need to shown love a lot.

by the way, i dont necessarily mean control, i just think that i should have some sort of say in what she does, and she should listen and consider what i have to say.

Answer 1

just ignore her for the time being, if she really loves you, she will realize that w/o you by her side, things just ain't right. she will come to realize the importance of your existence ONLY when you are not around her giving all the love and care that you've showered her all this while.BUT theres a negative side to this solution, if she takes you for granted, she will not be bother to look you up in the future.

Answer 2

I can't say you should have any type of "control" over her, but if she wants this thing to work out, as I can see you do, there are going to have to be respectful boundaries that both of you agree upon. It sounds like she wants to do her own thing and you to just keep your mouth shut, which isn't right. (I may be wrong as you didn't say why the break up occured in the first place). Suggestions on how to make this work....ok, what about this. Write her a note for an invitation to go out to dinner, just the two of you. Whether you have to prepare this at home or arrange for a sitter, you should have alone romantic time together. At dinner, talk with her about things you want to do to improve your relationship. Ask her if there is anything that SHE would like to do to help improve the relationship.
On this note, I am not saying this to be mean, but some women/men take their spouse for granted. Some women need to be shocked back into the realization that their man could very well end up with someone else if they don't start acting right. Nothing seems to spark an uninterested person more than someone else becomming interested in thier spouse. I am NOT saying cheat on her, but I don't think letting her see that there is other women out there that are interested in you might help out. Good luck!

Answer 3

Stop the need. People always want what they can't have. She feels you want the relationship more than she does. Turn it around. Act indifferent. Want what she wants, don't argue, don't get upset let her have her way and act like everything is perfect. Act as if she were to leave you would be perfectly happy.

It's tough, but Women hate it when Men act like little boys who are throwing temper tantrums because things don't go their way.

Detach, don't be mean, don't be angry, be nice be gentle. Go back in time when she were your friend and not your wife. Go back to impressing her with your qualities. Be the Man that she fell in love with when you were dating, the man that was willing to do whatever it took to make her happy. Remember when she might have something else going on in her life and could not be available for you, you were perfectly okay with it. You didn't pout, you didn't get annoyed (as far as she could see) you made her believe everything was alright. You showed her that she could still do her thing, and that you were perfectly fine doing your thing. No issue.

Stop telling her you love her all the time. She can't reciprocate that right now, but she will. She needs "EMOTIONAL" space. Don't do this one day, you have to do this all the time.

When things eventually turn around, then you can tell her how much you love her when she's receptive. I say, 3 months of this to show her you're changing into an independent, NOT NEEDY man.

Answer 4

Well, well well......You have one of those females as your so called wife eh? Well she is right about you not having a say in what she does, but that is crap the way she told you. It is also crap that you think you should have control or say so in what she does. You have a whole lot to learn pal. Leave her alone and she will love you like you want her too. Or keep up the needy crapola and lose her. Don't be a twit. Grow up and be her friend as well as her husband. Marriage is a bond of matrimony and the word control does not belong in a marriage. You are not her boss. Stop being so needy. You sound like a little baby wanting attention. She wants a man not a boy. Do you understand? Now go be with your wife and treat her good.

Answer 5

hi.reading ur mail made be think for a while .its becoz as far as i have read u r the one trying hard to save ur marriage n make ur wife believe that u love her.look ever coin has its two sides positive n negtive.even we have good n bad things with in us.u just cant be good or bad.the first thing u do is tell her to write all the things she likes about u n the things she doesnt like about u { it will hepl u a lot}she will feel more comfort in writing than saying u ok even u can do the same thing .than sit and talk .u can tell her both will need time to change.and about space evry body need but being married u have to more responsiable .even eing husband u have the right to know about her .look talk to her clearly and tell her u both need a time and changes can be done with each others help...dont do the mistake of being around her for evrything it will not help u in fact she may feel disgusting and to be frank forget about the fear of { her leaving u }if she wants she will leave u weither u do anything or die for her .u r u trying to do the things which will make her feel right .just dont fall for her plz,the fear of lossing her will damage ur life .she really love u she will sourt out the problems other wise today or tomorrow she will take the steps to wards the divorse {to show r love }take her for a very romantic dinner or gift her something {the best thing is to sit n talk clearly} she or u cant expect all the good things from one another.do tell me if it work for u okkkk {god bless u both }

Answer 6

Honestly, quit smothering her and give her space or you will lose her altogether. How long have you been married, kids, mortgage??? There is more to loose than her you know.....smothering will send any woman out the door. Control......is wrong....mutual respect in marriage, for ideals, desires, goals, common courtesies with living together and making a home. You don't say what she is angry about either.
That is convienent for you and leaves us in the dark.....You need to spell it out......did you cheat on her? Spend all the money? What is up, and the truth about it......?? Then ask us for an opinion.......See if she will go with you to a Marriage Counselor.......as you are insecure.
Set aside a date with her, cook dinner or provide takeout. You need to talk this out, and follow her suggestions. Is she a control freak, or more dominating and strong? You need to get to the root of the anger from her. Yes she shouldn't do just as she pleases, but be specific.....different situations warrent different answers.....

Answer 7

Honey, if you want your wife to "WANT" to be with you, then you are going to have to let go of your insecurities. You are literally pushing her away. Nobody wants to be badgered, nobody wants to hear somebody else tell them what they think they should do, and nobody wants to be constantly reminded that somebody else has a say in their life. You aren't a child anymore, stop demanding so much attention. It comes off as childish and it's not a desireable characteristic in an adult.

If you truly want to win her over, revert back to the behavior you had when you were dating. Woo her, flirt with her, make her feel good. Then suggest some counseling to get get the tools you need to work through this. If the damage isn't too bad, it can be worked through. However, please keep in mind that you aren't the one who determines how bad the damage is. She has her own feelings and even as her husband, you don't have the right to tell her how she should feel. A person feels what they feel and you can't deny them that.

I wish you luck honey, and although I don't know what started your insecurity issues, I can tell you that if you let them control your life, it's going to drive everyone around you further away.

Answer 8

wow, sorry guy but when she says she needs space, give it to her. Nobody can stand a needy person, Its so draining.If you two are having difficulties then try and be a man and stand on your own two feet. My ex was all needy and begged to the point I swear it nauseated me. I am not trying to be harsh but you asked. I also want to add that I am now remarried and my husband is very affectionate and loving. but the difference is he is confident acting. Its not a needy find of attachment. Give her some space and if its meant to be it will be. But by bugging her and pestering her will only be a turnoff

Answer 9

Everyone is different; some people love the attention, while others (like your wife) need more space. This is only a problem when the needs of one or the other are not being met. Your need to be close is conflicting with her need for space. If you want to continue with the relationship, you have to back off a bit.

Answer 10

Start praying and get God involved - then you'll get some results. Obey God, and he'll get that little wifey of yours in line - works every time. Follow God and he'll make your wife follow you. No councelling, and expensive gifts, don't have to change, no extra space, just obey God and he'll make her obey you. God hates an independant wife. God loves a submissive wife. But like I said, if you are looking at porno or masterbastion, God will turn your wife into a hard wall. Turn from your porno, masterbation, looking at other women, and your wife will be begging you for attention. He'll make her want you so bad. It's easy when you're God. Don't think it will work? Just try it.

Answer 11

i know im like that too with my bf when shes mad just go along with it say ur so so sorry!!! then say how can i make it up to u hunny!!??? then when shes nice and calm tell her to get ready and if she says y say u'll see beautiful come on and give her a kiss then take her to like the movies or out to eat!!! and when u both are there hold her hand and tell her she looks beautiful not sexy thats just rude tell her u love her and would never want to be with n e 1 eles in this world but with her the one u love!!!and when u get home cuddle with her make her feel speacil and safe!!! then ask her if she wants a massage that she looks like she needs one no sex then she going to think thats the reason ur doing all of this and if she wants to say i'd rather cuddle we barly do that we can make LOVE not have SEX later ok!!! it'll work!!!! oh yeah do what ever she wants to do u'll get her happy!!!