I have a crush on this professor in the department, he is NOT my professor, he teaches undergraduate. Is it okay to date a professor if they're not "your" professor? How do I know if it's against the university guidelines, or it's the same in all universities?
And how do I approach him?
2007-11-16 18:00:00 · 31 answers · asked by Rachel 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Higher Education (University +)
He's not married and there's alittle age difference. He's doing his Phd and Im a graduate student. Im 24 and he's like 28.
2007-11-16 18:08:45 · update #1
Is he into you too? If you really like him and you think that he has similar feelings, you should follow your heart. But take it slow and get to know each other better before you rush into anything.
Just take it day by day and see what happens....if you start dating and it gets more serious you should disscuss with him if there are any consequences for student/teacher dating in college. You dont want to jepordize his career, or yours....so if you are getting your graduate degree (im assuming) then you should be done soon and maybe then you can be in a more serious relationship then. I do know a girl who dated one of her teachers in college and they have been together 3 years now and just got engaged (she just graduated last spring)...but it is still kept very hush hush and not a lot of people know, especially at the school, so that tells me that there are probably some rules that discourage or maybe even forbid it. So be discreate at first esspecially while you are still going to that college. But if you really like this guy a lot, like I said before you should follow your heart, it may end up being love
2007-11-16 18:16:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a College professor myself. I would tell you wait until you graduate before speaking with him about your interest in him. No matter what the schools particular policy if a professor starts a relationship with a student it is ALWAYS damaging to the professor even when the student is even in a different department. Generally speaking universities and colleges have do not date student policies on the books and professors can be fired for misconduct such as this.
2007-11-16 18:11:33 · answer #2 · answered by gator_ce 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of the university guidelines, which would generally prohibit this, it is a very bad idea - probably worse for him than for you. If you were to do poorly in a class, for example, he might resent the colleague who gave you that grade. If you were to become serious, and he were to bring you to events on campus, his colleagues would be in a really awkward position, not knowing whether to treat you as a student or as his significant other (I've had that experience with one of my colleagues who brought one of my students to a campus event and sat with me at dinner. It seriously changed the nature of the conversation.). You say he teaches undergraduate, so I'm assuming you are a graduate student. You can be friendly, but not flirtatious with him. If you get close to graduation, you might say something like, "Now that I'm no longer going to be a student here, I'd love to have a cup of coffee with you some time." That makes it clear that you have been respecting him as a faculty member while you were a student, and makes it relatively easy for him to ignore it if he isn't interested or doesn't believe in dating former students.
2007-11-16 18:16:34 · answer #3 · answered by neniaf 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're a graduate student, right? Your university may or may not have a policy about it. There should be some sort of policy manual that explains what the policies of the university are. In my university, it's allowed for professors to date graduate students (I guess they think your personal life is your business) but it would be unethical if there is any chance that the professor would grade you or be on your committee or otherwise have power over your academic progress.
Before asking the professor out, please consider that your crush on him might just be a manifestation of the respect that you have for him as an academic. It's easy to have strong feelings for people we think are intelligent.
2007-11-16 18:06:36 · answer #4 · answered by drshorty 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is one to assume that you are a graduate student? If you are - IF - and there is not great disparity between ages, it might be alright.
First of all, it would depend on your universities rules regarding dating between faculty and students: simply ask your Dean.
More or most important, has he shown any genuine interest in you, to the extent that he may be amiable to being asked out? That's the important question.
If you feel confident that he is interested in you, and all of the above considerations were satisfied, then ask him to have a cup of coffee sometime, and see what happens?
Question: why hasn't he asked you out?
Wotan
2007-11-16 18:12:51 · answer #5 · answered by Alberich 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't suppose there'd be any harm, and you're certainly not going to do anything for the grade, because you don't even have him as a professor. I think it's perfectly fine to have a crush.
Next time you see him, just say hello. Let him know that you know he's there. Ask him how his day is going or something. Express interest! After he sees that you at least care about him that much, then he can decide if he likes to talk to you or not.
-Kara
2007-11-16 18:05:15 · answer #6 · answered by Lily Ann 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Its not OK, even if he is NOT your professor. Do not approach him. Just keep it a schoolgirl crush. It is quite unprofessional of you to do more. It could very well ruin your academic life, and mess you up emotionally. Treat it like a teenage fad. Wonderful, fun, lively, but a dream. It will fade. Trust me, dont go any further. You will only make a fool of yourself and really damage your credibility. I have been there, done it and lived to regret it immensely...
2007-11-16 18:05:10 · answer #7 · answered by Connie C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is frowned upon, but generally it would be more of a problem for the professor than the student. I dont think it is a HUGE deal because you are both old enough to make your own decisions. Ask him to tutor you and see where it goes from there. Say that you are having some trouble and would like a different approach to the subject from a different prof.
2007-11-16 18:04:57 · answer #8 · answered by Jay W 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Try to find a way to view the University policies if you can to see what it says. You might need to find a professor who you know really well to help if there's a special site that only faculty only has access to.
2007-11-16 18:06:23 · answer #9 · answered by Johnnny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really like someone just approach him because would you rather not say anything or do something? I don't really think it would be against the university guildines.
another way is probably ask him if he likes you. If he says yes then hang out with him but if he says no then find someone else.
2007-11-16 18:05:50 · answer #10 · answered by Katherine C 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋