Am I a crazy person?

Question

I was with my ex-wife for 4 1/2 years and she left me about 3 months ago for another man. Well, since then, all she has done is berate me and tell me that all the things she said when we were together (how she loved me, how sexy I was, etc.) were all lies. All she can do is push me away and try to hurt me but when something in her life goes wrong she calls me because she knows that I'm her shoulder to cry on. I will say all the things she wants to hear because thats just how I am with her. I miss her deeply and have recently learned that she expressed that she wanted me back to a mutual friend of ours but everytime I talk to her, she wants nothing to do with me.

Am I crazy to want her back?
Am I crazy for thinking that she will and things will go back to the way they were?

Am I crazy?

Answer 1

Usually these things are said to hurt the other person. And you tend to take them at heart, your insecurities are brought out from all this and thinking wanting her back will solve it all. Your not crazy, it was a pretty lengthy relationship and right now it hurts.

Putting things back together needs to be a slow rebuilding process, she left you. Maybe she saw her errors, but she left you for another man. And you have to deal with that (another man) why did she leave? why him? what did they do? your going through a lot of questions and if your going to get back together I would be cautious. You need to see does she really love you? Is she between relationships you and him? She going to tell you what you want to hear? Take it slow, make sure this is real. I know things hurt now but don't let it happen again to you. Can you deal with the fact she was with another man? Can you get past that? will things be the same? Not if you can't resolve those issues, you'll always have doubt, question her wear abouts. You think your driving yourself nuts now, get back together and leave these issues unresolved


Don't beat yourself up so much, she left, she now claims to want you back, take it slow. I can't say enough take it slow.

Is this a divorce already? She get a "fling" and he dumped her?.....good luck and your not crazy

Answer 2

You are not crazy to want her back. You didn't want her to leave in the first place, so it's perfectly natural to want her back.

You are crazy to think things will ever go back to the way they where. They will not.

It's possible that she's just gone through a mixed up moment in her life and made some mistakes and is confussed. It's also very possible that she will continue to do that for a long time. Some people do that for a lifetime.

As far as her trashing you and saying everything was a lie. Well some people just have to do that in order to justify themselves. Remember that denial is one of the strongest emotions in humans. You know in your heart what was real and what was a lie. Trust your heart and your instincts.

Bottom line is that you can't make her do or feel anything if she doesn't want to.

No sir, you are not crazy. It sounds like you are in love with her despite the fact that she's not treated you very well. Just don't fall into the temptation to let her back into and out of your life again unless you demand that she treats you with respect and stop all of the disrespectful BS. If she does that, then consider starting SOMETHING NEW with her. Never going to go back to the same way it way...it has to be a new relationship...this time based on mutual respect...or it's nothing at all.

Answer 3

No you're not crazy. You want her back because you love her. She left YOU, not the other way around.

When women cheat, they cheat for emotional reasons more often than not...she berates you because a part of her is angry that you weren't being the man that she needed you to be. She lashes out because she doesn't really know how to express her true feelings. She turns to you because she knows that you love her...she knows that you have her back despite whatever else she feels for you.

The key is, you don't want things to go back to the way they WERE - that's the reason she left...try a different approach. In a moment of calm, ask her is she ever really loved you and what did YOU do to change that. Maybe her answer will surprise you...and it may just surprise her that you even asked. It'll definitely give her something to think about.

I left my husband twice...the second time ending in divorce. I did the SAME thing that your wife is doing (except I didn't leave for another man...I left because I was tired of his drama). I told him that I hated him...even believed it a bit. But 3 months after our divorce was final, I realized that I DID love him...I just needed him to see that I was willing to walk away if he didn't change.

We re-married 9 months after the divorce was final...we've been married for 10 years. I am happier than I've EVER been. We both changed for the better.

Give it time...

Answer 4

How can you be crazy for loving someone? You can't. It's that simple. There is nothing wrong with caring for someone or feeling empathy. What you do and how you act upon those choices is what determines if you are right or wrong/crazy. It takes a while to get over someone that you love, especially when they are a big part of your life. You are a good guy for listening to her problems-but too good of a guy. She needs time away from you, and you need time away from her so you BOTH can move on. You need to move away-another city or state away if you don't have family in the area. Go on a vacation...with a friend so that your friend can make sure you have no contact with her whatsoever.

Answer 5

No, you're not crazy, just stupid.
Look, if you take her back she's going to do the same thing again a year from now and a year after that.

P.S. Sorry about the word "stupid", but sometimes tough-love is called for.

Answer 6

Yes. But not as crazy as SHE is.

When you care about a person you do NOT constantly put them down and try to hurt them! She obviously doesn't care about you...

Is she, by any chance, an alcoholic? This sounds a lot like alcoholic behavior to me. For some reason, they often lash out at people who have never done them wrong.

I think you are far better off without her.

Answer 7

You may still be in love with her, but things will never be the same as she is/has been with another man. Plus, it sounds as though she is unsure of exactly what she wants. You need to stand up to her and tell her that you two are no longer together and that she needs to move on with her life as you move on with yours.

Answer 8

no your not crazy but you haven't learned your lesson yet, so go back into that unstable relationship and work on it until you feel confident and sure of yourself of the WHY you must stay or leave.
once you figure it out you will feel much more comfortable with your self.
there are always 2 sides or more to any story

Answer 9

Things will never be the same as they were.Yes you are crazy for wanting her back,but its normal to feel that way.She is familiar.And we all look for that.Just be her friend if you cant part with her.As A friend you should be honest and critical.You would be with your other friends.Don't just tell her what you think she wants to hear.Get some b@ll$ and tell her the Truth.

Answer 10

You are not crazy for wanting her back...loving someone, is not always easy, thats just part of what comes with loving someone and caring about them.
Things will never go back to being the same. She left you for another man,you will always have questions in your mind about that, (i would guess anyway, didnt mean to assume) and it dosen't sound like she would answer anything you ask. Actually, she sounds like she is just really confused herself.. If she never put you down or said the things she is saying to you now, if her behavior is not normal for her, ...confusion does that to people. And I have to say, confusion over knowing if you really love someone, it can make anyone crazy all by itself. In her defense, thats really all I can come up with. Again, that type of confusion can just really take its toll on someone....
On the other hand, you need to be cautious of her behavior too, because, I was with someone for 9 years, and he really was crazy...he would be sweet as pie one minute, meaner than dog doodoo the next, I never knew what to expect from him...I stayed cause I thought I could help him, thought I was good for him...and he loved me so.... yea, that worked out real well...NOT....
Anyway, its real hard to be there for someone like that. Us out here, reading your question, can only go by the information given to us, you know her personality...only you know her typical behavior, so only you can figure out the times she is sincere....or not...
I have to agree with "honeylea" that answered you too, you really dont need to be telling her what she wants to hear, you need to tell her what it is. Regardless of what alot of people think, I am a firm believer that you can be friends with ex's of any kind, but you telling her stuff to make her feel better....it's kinda betrayal on your part, dont ya think?, by that I mean,
If you want to be her friend, then BE her friend...and friends tell you what you need to hear, not what makes them feel better. In the same token, dont let her use you, try not being there for her all the time at her convienence, sometimes that helps people realize too, how much they do or dont care about you. I hope I'm making sense to you, I dont mean to ramble...
Lastley, you are not crazy....crazy in love maybe...and unfortunatley, we out here can only give our opinions, you know her, and you are the only one that can figure her and this out, just remember to use your gut feelings, to hear that voice in your head if it says that deep down you know its not going to work. Sometimes you have to use your smart sense of judgement over your heart...
Good Luck, really, ..