Is it possible to live with a control freak person?

Question

My wife has 2 sisters. Both divorced. Her mom wears the pants in the house. 3 sisters live in other countries and they talk to their mom all the time but rarely talk to the poor father. I say poor because he has lost his 2 kidneys. He is really sick but they all talk to their mom all the time… Their dad was a money making machine for them.

My wife always tried to control me. I asked her more than a year to go to a counselor together. Finally we went to 2 different counselors but she did not show up the second time because she says: I am smart and educated and I know what is right!

Both of sisters got divorced because they love the way their mom is acting,. No man can handle it but their Dad! I want you to share your experience with me… My wife never thinks she may make a mistake and when you tell her about her mistakes she gets angry. She threatens, she screams…

She has filed a divorce as another threatening tool to control me. She thought after seeing the divorce papers I will say: O.K, I will be your slave and will do whatever you want but I am not going to do that.

Here are some of her controlling issues: She gets mad if I go to the gym, or play tennis with my friends (I was an athlete my whole life)…whenever we go somewhere she says: whey do you behave like this? Whey did you talk to her? What were you telling to her?? It is so insulting. I believe when I got married I am committed to only one woman and she is my wife. I never think I will be with somebody else… but she just does not understand. I lived with her for a year and a half and every day was like hell…

Do you think my wife can change? Just stop asking why and start enjoying life?
Oh, she is 34 years old by the way. She is beautiful and I am a handsome guy. I always trust her but I think she is very insecure seeing I get a lot of attention.

Answer 1

Sure you can live with a control freak -- if you like slavery.

Answer 2

Many people who must maintain rigid control of others, are actually afraid and have low self esteem. They must control the other person because they cannot trust. They are afraid you will leave, find someone more attractive, engage in some activity they don't like...etc. They don't really like the situation but many times don't realize what they are doing.

Controlling behaviour is a habit. Control can be broken. It is not a lifestyle that cannot be changed. In fact, most people who are controlling in their actions and behaviors want to change, they just don’t know how.
The first step is for them to recognize that they have a deep need to be in control. Then they must see that it is not making anyone happy when they do. They must admit they have a problem and their behaviour needs to change. Then they must take the responsiblity to do so.
An important part of change is developing humility. You must admit your faults and admit that you have alienated others, and that you are wrong. That is not easy to do. It make take the help of a counselor, but the main thing is to admit the need to change, and then do something about it.

Answer 3

Boot her out, pal - but do it considerately. The family track record isn't what you would call good. I was in a situation where there was a huge tribe of daughters who practically worshipped this ghastly, dominating broomstick-jockey of a mother. It's not your wife's fault, as such - she is a product of her mother. But the chances of her changing at this stage are double-zero. She might improve for a short while if you give her an ultimatum, but don't be fooled. Lesser men might quite possibly put a woman like this in the hospital; it's to your credit that you haven't. Keep your temper, be a gentleman, but ditch her. You deserve better.

Answer 4

If I were you, I would, actually, sign the divorce paper, but, if you really want her, then you should consult your father-in-law, who, as you say, is the only man that can handle this situatuion. You should try to show her that you are a loyal husband and not a loyal slave. Try going out more often, in a nice rastaurant etc. I believe that if you show her how strong your love is then she will stop acting as the big "boss". If nothing of these works, then you should try doubting her mother's words, in a way that she will doubt her words too.

Hope it helps.

Answer 5

Does she sometimes wake up in the morning hating everyone in her path? Does she sometimes rub all over you and run her fingers through your hair and an hour later threaten you with a kitchen knife and call you names that are not even in the book? If so, she may be bipolar which is a chemical condition and you have my blessing trying to get her to a doctor... My advice is to stop focusing on the sisters, the mother, the father in law and focus on what's best for YOU.

Answer 6

im kinda like that....i dont do it on purpose, but its just cause i'm tryin to protect him. He does very stupid things sometimes that hurt my feelings, and most of the time he doesn't even realize it. That WAS my Fiance but i broke up with him....we talked about it and he said im too controlling of him and i need to give him his space. Thats probably true and that is something that i need to work on, but he needs to show me that i can trust him and stop doing some of the things that he's knows upset me or it will never work out. Did you ever think that maybe its not just her, and maybe she is doing it as a response to things that your doing to hurt her. Maybe the two of you should sit down together and have a serious conversation and lay all your cards on the table. Tell her how you feel, let her tell you how she feels...and than maybe you guys can find different ways to work it out where both of you are happy together.

Answer 7

Marriage is about trust.

It sounds like she might not trust you.

You sound unhappy.

You might want to get out before you have kids. If you already do, try to make the best of it until they are adults. My sister was in a similar situation. Her ex didn't even like her to visit relatives. After more than 20 years of marriage, she divorced him after the youngest turned 18. Pretty sad.

Answer 8

i was married to a controling man and i didnt have a life at all or friends and i couldnt be around my family at all i stayed with him for 6 years and finally i got brave enough to leave him couldnt take it any more the controling the abuse and no they dont change they get worse and they say when a person has to be controling of another person means they are very insecure with them selves and it sounds like she doesnt wont you to have a life of youre own it has to be all about her and nobody else good luck on youre decision and happiness

Answer 9

If she was serious about therapy Id stay. If not I would hit the ground running. Although she was abused in her childhood she has to make that final choice to change no matter how hard it is.

I'd have to say you might want therapy too. There is an attraction to her if your there.Thats only my opinion.I say that to help you get through this difficult time in your life.

Answer 10

Sweetheart you married a psycho.....if she wants a divorce....say THANK YOU and run. Not all women are like that, find someone that will treat you with the respect a husband deserves.

Answer 11

control freak.....sure you can live with a control freak nicely
with a few prescriptions from your doctor
or if you like being controlled some people do
she sounds very insecure and jealous
tell her divorce is no game and you will miss her very much
but you are not playing her game good for you!!!