As a western woman, i don't understand this process, nor do i understand the concept. It is giving me major distress, not to mention huge amounts of stress. He has made it clear that we will still be together. Please enlighten me on why people go throught this process. Is it engrained in them from a young age? Is it family coersion? Please help me to understand.
2007-11-16 16:48:44 · 12 answers · asked by jen 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I believe in todays western world people who go into an arranged marriage fear shaming and letting the family down. They know from a young age what is expected of them.
Sorry but you really need to consider whether this type of man is truly for you. How much is he willing to give up for you? By going through with this arrangement he has chosen who he has stronger ties with - his family and not you. Do you want to be with someone who will be disrespectful to all - his family by going through with this despite willing to conduct an affair with you; his poor fiance who's not be given any chance of a monogamous marriage; or you a woman he claims he loves but will only continue his relationship with you as an affair.
If you ever want to be married, have children, be the most important person in your partners life then this man is not for you.
2007-11-16 17:39:54 · answer #1 · answered by Tracey H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's just using u. All he wanted from u was sex. INdian girls don't generally put out before marriage, so indian guys go outside the culture to get some. Plus, they want a pure girl, so they come back in the culture to get married. They're raised like this. They're given the option to play, as long as they marry a good indian girl. But if they resist, there will be family pressure, because old traditions die hard. Plus, when u get older and haVe kids, it'll be hard to be in the culture....or so many may think. This is because indians are communal. He's just probably telling u this because he doesn't want to see ur tears. Many men don't like seeing women cry..especially if they know they're the cause. OR maybe he plans for u to be his mistress...and he's just marrying this woman for appearance sake, u know, one foot in two boats. THis way, he can haVe his fun with u, but be the perfect indian husband. This is what many non indians don't understand...most indian men only want sex from girls who aren't indian. THen they'll marry the indian girl. They want virgins...it's how they're brought up. They're raised to believe that virgins are shy and innocent, and that indian girls are the same way(even if they're not), so they go for it. It's very rare that an indian guy will marry outside his culture.
2007-11-17 10:30:03 · answer #2 · answered by Uncertain Soul 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I apologise in advance as this will hurt but it is the truth.
You have to face it.
Three lives are at stake.
You
Him
His wife to be
No one will ever be happy.
Leave him to ease the heartache before it consumes you.
Put yourself in the shoes of the wife to be. It would kill your soul to know that the man you are married to has done so because of parental pressure. On top of that, that he has a mistress overseas.
Indian society is changing but there are many pockets who still believe that an arranged marriage the key to a successful marriage and keeping with tradition and the social hierarchy.
2007-11-17 01:30:42 · answer #3 · answered by decemberbaby 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think, there is lot of difference in the Punjabi culture and western culture, which is not understood by you so far as this topic is concerned.Marriage is very important part of our life,which your friend is going to do.If you were a punjabi,you might not like it being girl friend.., After marriage his wife will not allow you to be a girl friend, This is our culture.
2007-11-16 17:42:43 · answer #4 · answered by Rana 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He wants to have booty in both hands. One woman his official wife and you his 'Keep'. People like you in the west have ruined the culture. Why you were living with him without marriage for so long? Of course, he only treats you just a KEEP otherwise he would not have even think of marrying other woman. ALL other things he is telling you are just fake promises.... nothing else...
2007-11-18 01:25:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
May be you are adult.
You have to understand that, in young age, many will not think about their family and simply fall in love. After some days, they start thinking about their family, relatives etc and realise that they made a mistake of loving other.
Then their final step is, giving preference to their family and giving big hand to their lover. Here in the case of lover, she has to die since she fallen in love and given everything of her to him.
What is the solution for this ?
Before falling in love, they must think hundred times about their new relationship. When they are eligible to get permission from their parents for the love marriage or they should be able to leave without their parents i.e. they should be ready to sacrifice his family for their love.
Why you are worried unnecessarily for your unfaithful boy friend. He is selfish. Just ignore him. Don't remember him in future. If he loves you very much, he might have convinced their parents for your marriage and he might have left them.
But he has not done anything favour to you. He just thought about his family. Such unfaithful person is not suitable for your love. Just forget him and plan in your future life.
2007-11-16 17:13:55 · answer #6 · answered by Jyothi 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
i my self am an Indian i would hate to know that the guy to whom i am going to get married already is in a serious relation with some one far away from India..........
let me tell you that your guy is disgusting cause he is spoiling yours as well as the other girl's life in India just call up his residence and inform them about you and him and then let them decide what to do BUT please be careful while doing this cause such guys can do any thing they are mad he might harm you so pls take extra care...............tkc
2007-11-16 19:30:59 · answer #7 · answered by cute girl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wel dear. i wud give u an analage fr better understandin. relationships like urs r like a chilled new pepsi bottle. With tim,as u keep openin de cap to taste, de fizz keeps goin. in course of time al de fizz n hizz is gone n it wud taste like sarbath. n as more time goes, it wil taste like cough syrup. jus realise tat maybe u hav lost ur fizz with him. u both havnt had any commitment said r written so far. this is de penalty some pay in livin in relationships. like dinnin in a restaurant, u dont even hav to clear ur table after eatin. tats life n in india, we hav lots of norms to save de loosin souls like u. u flaut, u may pay.
2007-11-19 01:24:44 · answer #8 · answered by thinker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don you see what's happening ?
Get Real
2007-11-16 17:58:20 · answer #9 · answered by Jim 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What the????????? Tell him to stop being dishonest and dgrow some balls.
Geez. You won't see him again honey.
2007-11-16 16:52:58 · answer #10 · answered by Renesme 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋