He's not actually dating someone...but the phone calls and emails...and the lies. We have only been married for three months and he dated her while we were on a break for about a year. We've been together for 6 years though. How do I confront him? He always seems to have good excuses!!!
2007-11-16 16:43:27 · 30 answers · asked by KimberlyG 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am sure...I checked his MySpace after he thought I didn't know his password and there were emails...and then I checked his phone without knowing..and there were quite a few calls!!!
2007-11-16 16:50:31 · update #1
You may want to confront him by saying, "although you have denied having sexual relations with her - it's still cheating if you are having a mental affair - which I feel is what you are doing." Good excuses are still only EXCUSES. There are 4 things that will hold a marriage together. CRCT - Communication, Respect, Compromise and Trust. You need to let him know that whatever he IS doing with this woman is not right. If you have read some of the emails, then tell him that. And if he gets mad then let him know that you obviously had good reason NOT to trust him. My husband has had many "girl" friends - but I have NEVER doubted his relationship with them. They are always friends. They don't talk about sex, they don't speak about intimate things, and the women are ALWAYS sure to INCLUDE ME - and in turn I have become good friends with some of them. So, perhaps not only should you confront your husband, but you should also confront this woman. Ask her what's up. Tell her that you will not tolerate her trying to steal your man and that she needs to get a life and leave yours alone. Again, let your husband know that he is at risk of losing YOU. And if you are important enough - then he should respect your wishes to stop communications with this woman. I would also highly reccomend going to a marriage counselor - and tell him that he has no choice if he wants to save your marriage. He needs to get his priorities straight and he needs to understand that mental affairs are often times worse than physical affiars because high emotions are involved. Either way, YOU have to decide if this is something you want to live with. Can you move past this if he agrees to your terms? Will you ever be able to trust him? What would you need from him in order to trust him. Ask him what he feels he is not getting from you that he needs to turn to this other woman. Remember - CRCT. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-11-16 16:54:41 · answer #1 · answered by AskJanCee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he always has good "excuses" then this marriage will not work. Not now, not in the future. Cheating is a very hard habit to break and the outcome is never good. If all he has are excuses, you need to make a decision, enough of the excuses. What he is doing is very wrong, what she's a friend? she helped him out in times of trouble? we just talk, about what you and where they hook up next?
After six years and this how your treated, you answer your own question. YOU tolerate it, YOU have accepted it, YOU married him, HE's gonna do it no matter what, sounds like a real winner. YOU need to make a choice, it's three months into a marriage and this is already happening......I say unnal (?)the wedding and let him deal with the rest of the problems. Your letting this happen and you don't have to. It's disrespectful, arrogant, rude and this is how he shows his love? I'm married and always on the phone, e-mail with someone else and the lies, hey just wait they will get better and more elaberate....better yet have some kids with the jack a##....sorry, but good luck
After checking his phone and myspace you have your answers.......sorry For now keep it all under wraps until you make a choice, maybe at some point print the e-mails. again good luck
2007-11-17 00:59:26 · answer #2 · answered by itsdaddyus 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself some tough questions first...especially if it's only been 3 months that you've been married. Marriage is supposed to be built upon mutual trust and respect. If he's lying and cheating after 3 months, is this really something that is worth your long term commitment? If he's cheating now, it's not likely that he'll just one day get up and decide "not" to cheat anymore. How can you ever build that trust and respect if this is just the beginning? Now, there is a chance that nothing is going on and he's trying to shield you from this ex-ho. She could be there trying to cause problems and he could be trying to avoid problems with you...so certainly worth the heart to heart talk...but if he's cheating, pack up all his stuff in card board boxes, tape them up, place them on the front porch and get a divorce attorney that will take him for everything he's go...freeking little Wiesel.
2007-11-17 00:54:05 · answer #3 · answered by george p 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG I am getting SO angry here!!!
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO SOCIETY AND WOMEN THAT THEY ACCEPT THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOUR!???
Honey- it is very simple;
1. How dare he- goes against all vows- means he clearly has no concept of love and definately does not love you (you will undertand this when you finally DO meet someone who really DOES love you)
2. It is done, can't ever be taken back or repaired.
3. He does not deserve a discussion or you one minute longer.
4. Do you have ANY self esteem?? if so (or if not)- You HAVE to leave him.
Thats the facts, take it or leave it- you have a life in front of you, don't let him be in it- be sensible. It is NOT too late to start again!
2007-11-17 00:57:42 · answer #4 · answered by Renesme 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow' you broke up for a year? well I can see in that much time, how someone can start to care or love someone else. they have had a lot of time together. you need to stop asking him questions if he is not going to tell you. and do a little snooping for your self. if you need, you may want to get an investigator or someone that will keep an eye on him and inform you on what they may find.
2007-11-17 00:53:03 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow! am going thru the same thing my husband didnt actually cheat but the emails i found.......
i confronted and asked him to stop and like you said they always have good xcuses.. he even hit me up with the am a man, men have urges and be happy that am just emailing and not out doing it!
i asked him to stop and he promised he will, then i found out he sneaked and open up a new account just so he can keep on doing it... da night i found out was the night i left... i think is very disrespectful and ovbiously they doing it for a reason...
2007-11-17 00:49:46 · answer #6 · answered by geovanna 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your in denial so no matter what anyone tells you, you won't believe them. Until your ready to listen and believe what is right in front of you it will do no good telling you anything.
Here is why,you say my husband is cheating but then you defend him and say he's not actually dating someone.Your not ready to know the truth about your husband. I will tell you this, the evidence is so over whelming so much so that I'm wondering why even bother asking us you already know the answer. Tell him the truth say to him, you wouldn't tell me the truth so i had to find out for myself.
2007-11-17 01:10:14 · answer #7 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
figure out what you want to do first. I'm so sorry for you. Chances are, he'll probably do it again sometime down the line so if you decide to stay with him, realize that may be a possibility. I personally hope you leave him, but of course you have to do what feels right for you.
2007-11-17 00:47:28 · answer #8 · answered by it's me 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him if he would accept you having the same type of communication with an old male friend - truth is, if this is something that is hurting you and he loves you, it should be easy for him to have no contact with this female.
2007-11-17 02:32:20 · answer #9 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're only three months in. If there are no kids, get out while you can. That's a bad start to a relationship!
2007-11-17 00:52:59 · answer #10 · answered by Kyle W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋