Tell me what you think?

Question

I had to write a poem for english. I chose to do it on weed and getting high. Tell me what you think of it? What should i change?

Dazed and Down to Earth

It fills my mouth and explodes.
Triggers a tornado, rain follows;
It’s not something I’ll get used to.
The godly flavor slithers,
Surrounds me with a delightful numbness.
The yellow comes and goes,
Leaves me feeling mellow,
As heat crawls down my throat.

Every blink is a comma,
Every move is amnesia.
My senses let go. So unreliable.
I spot your smirk between syndromes.
Hold your gaze for a century.
And two seconds from eternity,
My voice disrupts me.

We float on like it means nothing.
Go on like it proves something.
It’s erratic. I ******* love it.

Then you land somewhere nice
But the clouds keep me hostage.
So I fly solo for a year or so.
Keep myself busy,
Rewriting history with a new philosophy,
While my mind is on a leave of absence

I crash into reality,
Far from this mentality
The mellow goes, feelings show,
The flavor fades, I lose the haze.
Loathing the way life does this
I ignite the feeling,
Breathe, slip and drown in bliss.

By the way, we are allowed to swear and drugs was one of the options. So the teacher is cool with all that

Answer 1

Are you sure that you wanna do a school assignment on marijuana?

Other than that it's a great poem... great word use and description. I especially like the part about the clouds holding you hostage, etc.

Great job! Hope you get a good grade!

Answer 2

Free verse is all about the meter -- the beat. This one does not have a beat that flows well. Perhaps if you are stoned, it would sound OK.

Read TS Eliot or WH Auden to learn about the flow of poetry.