What to do when you ex-husband's new fiancee won't leave you alone...?

Question

My ex-husband started dating a girl in Aug. Engaged in May. Haven't met her in person. I tried to get to know her with hopes of being friends. Sent card to congratulate on engagement to her, sent emails, invited to be "friend" on myspace so she could see pics of kids. Recently had a falling out with my ex (usually we get along good) over a situation with his new fiancee spending the night at his house with the kids there; we had signed a legal document in front of judge stating several things including that we would not have members of opp. sex spend night with kids there. He was trying to sneak it behind my back, but I figured out what he was up to prior to it happening & stopped it. Anyways, the new fiancee flipped out & started sending me text after text, email after email calling me names, etc. I have told her to stop all contact with me but she persists. It's aggravating.

At what point do I contact authorities regarding the harrassment and risk the bad blood that would create between my ex and I , which would in some ways affect the kids?

My ex has been told that she is harrassing me and I have given him proof of all her contact with me and all the times I have told her to stop, and he does nothing about it. Says she has a right to speak her mind. She's a police officer. I have told her I will file harrassment charges if she doesn't stop. She still does it.

He insisted on having the document signed by judge and us at time of divorce not me. And it states that we will not have members of opp sex in the house for sleep over WITH children there;not at other times. They were talking to kids about the upcoming sleep over and the kids told me b/c they were upset by it. I talked to him about it and he admitted that they were going to do it; I reminded him of divorce decree & said no you're not.

I intiated contact with her at the insistence of my ex-husband who wanted she and I to be friends. He wanted it; I would have just never talked to her cause I dont' care what he does. I was just trying to be agreeable.

Shacking up with kids in your house is immoral.

I have met someone and remarried and my ex-husband had a say in everything from where we got married, to what bedrooms the kids had at my house. I have sole custody of the kids. I have a right to say what he does, cause he had a say in what we did and we never once had a problem with it cause we do what is best for the children.

Answer 1

Since you were getting divorced, why would you ever have a document that states such a thing? And for just how long was this agreement to be in effect for...until the kids are 18 years old?? Would be hard for anyone to uphold such an agreement, when they are entitled to starting a new life, post divorce. Do you not trust that he would do what was best for your kids or that you would? Is he the first one, out of the two of you, to meet someone to be serious with?

Not to be too harsh, but you have to understand that not everyone thinks the same. Maybe she wants a life with her new man and you are not a part of that, nor do you have to be. She is not in a relationship with you and your first concern should be how she treats your kids. If they like her and get along with her, then you should have made ONE attempt to get to know her and then backed off. You probably shouldn't have kept emailing her and such with all those things in the beginning and attempts (which it sounds like you had good intentions, but wasn't your right to do so). Yes, you all should be friendly in front of the kids, but she has no obligation to you to be your friend. That should happen SLOWLY and NATURALLY and this is where it seems things went wrong. Seems she may have been aggravated by you not simply leaving them alone, letting them start a life and by pressing the agreement issue, so she is looking at it as payback, possibly??

You could press charges or you could not respond, although difficult. Either way, hostility has been started. I would also not worry about what he is doing with his life now, because he is marrying her. I would be thankful they are making it permanent, so it wasn't a cheap fling in front of your kids, since that seems to be the main focus and reason for this agreement. Sorry if this sounded mean, just a different view. Best wishes...

So he broke his own agreement he wanted....if you didn't care about it and HE wanted it, then why did you care or do you care now? They are getting married for goodness sake. Just means you are allowed to do it too...relax and let it go. I am sure you will meet someone and possibly go through the same thing. Seems like a control issue at this point...pushing it will solve nothing..clearly you can see that?

With all your new info...you are killing me...ha,ha. I see what you are saying....but nothing can come from pushing this agreement now. If she continues harassing...file charges. She is making it nasty now, since you have moved on. You "allowed" him to control you or you went by what he said, so you feel justified in controlling him and doing what you did....still won't solve anything at this point. File harassment charges if she won't stop, THAT is the problem. Good luck and hang in there...

Answer 2

At what point do you stop making rules for your ex-husband.....Now, I'm only saying what I'm reading.
What kind of person would control who , what or why someone is spending the night at whose house with or without the kids there. You must think they are running around naked .....There are some issues here with this so called legal document.When he gets married you really think this is going to hold up in court......Weird and I think your a little controlling on this part..Seems your still not letting this go and most ex don't just become good old pals with the new girl over night especially since your still controlling when she can or cannot come over to his house.......gives you alot of power doncha think.............Weird weird weird........

Now just think this out before you call my answer a thumbs down.............And another thing why would you want that much control over you ex's personal life. I can't see this thing even going anywhere in court.....Your going to make them get marreied tommorow then that court order won't mean anything...........I don't think we all have heard the whole story here.....cause frankly no man in his right mind would sign a paper in court saying he couldn't have a female friend over when the kids arn't around....What ever way you people look at it something is very wrong here...............How did you figure it out ...sitting out on the street watching......running up to the door at mid-night and said it's time to go.......wtf........or was it you doing all the text,emailing tellher to get out of the house by a certain time.....weird i tell ya weird.

Answer 3

Gather all undesputeble proof.

Go to an attorney .. or the JP .. and ask them to simpley write a letter to her .. asking her not to contact you any more .. and to stop the harrssment. You don't have to file charges .. just get the letter wrote - so there will be real proof of the letter.

If you sent her a registered letter .. she could either not sign for it .. OR .. she might say that you did not ask her to stop .... sooooo .. get an attorney to write the letter .. or a JP .

I know someone who did this one time .. and the letter written by the JP got the harrassment stopped.

Doing something like this - is probably the only thing that will work.

If not - you will just have to take it .. until she gets tired of doing it.

Answer 4

I would file because she IS harassing you. This is not a situation of you being jealous of their union. So what if she is a cop! Thats her own buisiness and if anything will hurt her by using her job as a means to intimidate people. Yes she has a reason to be upset however not to the extent where she's allowed to harrass you...over and over

Answer 5

I say go ahead and file. You've given them both chances to stop but she hasn't and he hasn't insisted that she stop. There is already bad blood and from the sound of it, it is going to take a lot of work with this psycho woman. Don't let her intimidate you. Act as soon as possible or things will just get worse and you will get more upset. This can't be calming to the children, either.

Answer 6

I'm almost positive that if you show proof to your ex and tell him that you plan to go to the next step with this information that harassment will stop. The next step is informing authorities, which includes her superiors. She might have mistaken your friendly(ness) as nosiness. that maybe you still have an attachment to your ex. In the future wait for her to make the gestures of friend ship

Answer 7

Sounds like she's "defending her turf," so to speak. Wow, what were you thinking with all the communication? I think you meant well but you probably came across as trying to interfere with her relationship with your ex.

Honestly, I understand the whole "not wanting members of opp. sex spend night" but I can also see why she's not happy about it.

I don't know what you should do at this point without appearing weak.

Maybe you could talk to your ex about assuring the fiancee that you want nothing to do with him. Maybe talk to her yourself about it if possible. She sounds like an unpleasant person.

Strange! Your ex told you where to have your marriage??? Sounds like you guys are over-involved in my opinion.

Answer 8

wow. some gall she has. you tried to be nice to her and this is what you get. I guess you need to explain to your ex that its a COURT order. you have the right to enforce that and she needs to know that. You can ask her to stop, but i doubt she will. You prob need to call the cops and file harassment charges. I know your ex will be mad, but he should have that of that BEFORE he went behind you back and ignored the court order. good luck

Answer 9

you warned her, so next time FILE THE CHARGES---keeping in mind you best have REALLY GOOD PROOF because since she's a cop and you will reporting her to OTHER cops... well you know---you HOPE there won't be any impropriety in the whole thing... but there COULD be....

Answer 10

YOU STARTED IT I KNOW YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE STRENGHT OF THE TEA TILL YOU ADDED HOT WATER WAIT IT OUT IT WILL STOP