Should I let my boyfriend move in with me?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years. Now, I have a new job offer in a different state and he wants to move in with me when I leave.

I don't want him to because he is bad with money and he has a ton of bills. He said "you will have to pay for everything for a while." To me, that is unfair because I have already passed on opportunities because I used the money I was going to use to relocate to help him pay his bills.
Yes, I believe in being there for your partner no matter what. But how much is too much?

Am I a bad girlfriend because I'm unwilling to take on his responsibilities anymore? Should I let him move to this new place with me?

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you all in advance!

Answer 1

7 years and no ring on that finger?

He doesn't pay his bills.

You know the answer. This guy is going NO WHERE and fast.

It is time for you to make it clear you expect more out of a relationship. It is not a girlfriend or a boyfriend thing to pay the others bills. That is not being there for your partner that is only enabling him to be a loser.

You are not being a BAD girlfriend. Quite the opposite. You have gone far beyond what a decent man would expect from a woman. You have to decide if you want to be the provider for the rest of your life. If so, continue to be with him.

I suspect you know he will break up with you if you do not carry his dead weight and you don't feel worthy of a man that acts like a man. You get what you ask for in life. If you want more you have every right to ask for it and not settle. Heck, I would live with you too, you are a free ride and free sex. No offense, just stating the obvious as sometimes woman need a kick to get them back to reality. As a woman, I am tapping you saying 'What the heck are you thinking, girl? This guy is never going to grow up with a mommy to pay for him and give him free nooky' Close the candy shop and the bank and see if he sticks around and make you an honest woman and straightens up and pays his own way, if he doesn't do you really want to spend your life with that?

PS- If a man really loves a woman, he will move heaven and earth to be with her. I once had a boyfriend who walked 20 miles and back twice a week to see me and the rest of the week he worked to be able to afford to take me out. He also went to school and was saving for a car. When I moved out of state, he transferred schools and found a place to live on his own in that state to be close to me, on his own. And keep in mind he was 18 at the time and I was 19. So if an eighteen year old is capable, so is your man. Heck, I'd still be with him if he weren't dead. That's what a man does.

Answer 2

If she left her mom's house by choice, then he has made the decision to "give " his apartment to her? She is interfering and she knows it. And he has let her. Break up. The second "wife" (or girlfriend in your case) is usually always 2nd to the 1st wife. It will stay this way till the child is on his own.(18yrs+). Men have a bad habit of not knowing when to keep the 1st wife in check. (Women too!) Many 1st wives (and husbands) interfer in their ex 's relationships in underhanded wyas like this while using the child as a pawn. You don't need this. If your under 30 and childless at this point, then break up and leave this drama behind. It only gets worse. If you are in your 20s and have no kids yourself then most young people like you would consider your bf to be damaged goods. He will have this woman p1ssing off every woman he dates for a very long time and enjoying it. When/if he gets a good job she will ask for more support even if she doesn't need it and has her own bf taking care of her. So any plans you make, any income he makes, how much or when you spend time with him and so much more will all be affected by the 1st wife. Why do this to yourself? Bet he does rush over! He's scr^wed and he knows it. He's lucky to have a second woman give him the time of day. He can have a second marriage If IF IF IF IF IF IF IF he can keep his ex 1st wife out of it! And the thing is it has to be him, not the 2nd wife. It is my strong opinion that second wife should not be a young girl with no kids.

Answer 3

Don't let him move in with you. Does he have a job?? Those bills are his responsibility, not yours.

And no, you're not a bad girlfriend. He needs to act like a man and pay his own bills...not have someone do it for him. He needs to learn responsibility. If you keep doing it for him, he'll keep on relying on you to pay his bills.

If I were you, I would take that job offer, if that's what you really want. If he really loves you, he'll make the long distance relationship work.

Answer 4

you are a fool if you stay with this loser. first of all he is a grown man he should be paying his own bills. you are not his mother. the fact that he is bad with money should be a HUGE RED FLAG!!!! If you guys get married his money problems become your money problems. what are you doing with this loser??? you can do so much better. the problem is that you don't believe it otherwise you would have dumped this loser. this guy is a worthless bum who is using you. if it wasn't you he would have another woman who is foolish enough to pay his bills. don't play the fool anymore. you don't get guys to love you by buying them off. DUMP this guy ASAP. move on and find a real man than can support himself. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. it will be a recipe for your unhappiness.

Answer 5

I find that it is much easier to focus on the negative things then to appreciate what you have. If the two of you have been together for so long there is clearly more to your relationship then financial hardships.

Ultimately this decision should be made very carefully, it will be hard in either situation. Grass is always greener on the other side :)

Answer 6

If you know how he is with money...why do you keep bailing this idiot out ??? leave and don't look back...also DON'T allow this loser to move in with you. You deserve someone who will HELP with everything, not just bills. You deserve someone with some class and a job.
You deserve a LIFE !!!
Good luck with the new job and wherever life takes you. [[[[ ]]]]

Answer 7

I think you already answered your own question - 'I don't want him to because he is bad with money and he has a ton of bills.'
I think you've been there for him long enough, because it doesn't look as though he's ever going to be there for you.

Answer 8

Seems like you are coming to your senses. You are being used. Let this dead beat go. A good reason also is. You are not married to him. And fornication is a sin. God is giving you a way of escape. Take it!!

Answer 9

thats great that you guys have been together for that long!
if you are not 100 percent into this, then don't do it, i think it would only negatively effect you in the future.
moving in together is a huge decision and change in both of your lives.
maybe you should have a talk with him and tell him how you feel, u guys have been together for so long so im sure he would understand, after all he loves u
=D

Answer 10

7 Years and what have You got??

Was it worth 7 years of your life?

I would NOT let him live with you at all and please learn from this lesson!

Also sex before marriage is a sin. No wonder people have so many STD's and spread it to others. Some things turn into cancer or things hard to heal. BE WISE.