I left my husband in January because his drinking was out of control. I left him so he could get better for our family.(his drinking was making my daughters upset) I was not leaving him so we could get a divorce. I could not let my kids live that life anymore. He told me he could not get sober with me in the house with him. To make a long story short he ended up finding another girl and now she is having his baby in Febuary. I was so crushed when I found this out a few months ago but for some reason it still bothers me. Why? I am so over him because he truly showed me and our girls how much he cared. We are getting a divorce and I can't wait to get it started. I guess my question is,why do I still waste so much of my energy on him? Is there anything I can do to make it go away? I guess it hurts so much because I struggle everyday and he has it made with this new girl. They are getting ready for this new baby but he still has two daughters that he doesn't see enough. Thanks!
2007-11-16 14:28:35 · 9 answers · asked by lvbrdy4vr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I still get a little angry at my ex and it's been almost 5 years since our divorce. It isn't as bad as it was the first year or so, but it still happens. You will find someone new someday. Don't feel like he's got it good and you don't. If he's still drinking, pity the poor girl who has him now.
2007-11-16 14:35:07 · answer #1 · answered by Shubunkin 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are still angry because you are familiar with blaming him for his actions - his failures toward you and his deception.And so you keep on. It's over. You are free of him. Learn to value your peace of mind over the self-righteous thrill you get from putting him down in your mind. (some people never get over this - they stay mad at their ex for the rest of their life, and the anger only keeps hurting them)
If he is still drinking, no good will come of his new relationship and you have a new life ahead of you if you can let this go.
I recommend some post-divorce counseling to help you focus on your present and let the past be past. Also recommend meditation to help calm the mind and for its many health-giving benefits (which counteract the many health-harming effects of anger and other negative emotions )
Good Luck!
;-)
2007-11-16 22:53:02 · answer #2 · answered by WikiJo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably get angry because he is the father of your children and he is such a failure. You can't get away from the fact he is their father. I have the same problem too. Mine is such a jerk and he doesn't do much for his son's. He sure seems like he is going on without them. That is probably why you are angry. Try to stay positive for the girls. Show them your strength, show them they can accomplish anything even during the tough times. You will get through this and things will be better. GOOD LUCK!!
2007-11-16 22:45:10 · answer #3 · answered by Dani Bosco 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is a big failure for most people. It is upsetting and that's normal. You may still have feelings for him since you share children with him. These feelings may never go away but they will lessen in importance with time.
By the way, he chooses to drink. You don't "make" him drink. He's not taking responsibility for his own behavior.
2007-11-16 22:38:49 · answer #4 · answered by YJohnY 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are validated in your feelings.. sometime when people are trying to get sober they hook up with other people who are in the same predicament as them. they turn their backs on the ones that have stood by them and now that they are sober you are hurt angry and have feelings of abandonment. one rule of AA is that you do not get into any relationships or make major changes in the first year.. if she hit on him and has more sobriety then him its called 13 stepping and it wont last. after the thrill is gone he will still be with himself......
2007-11-16 22:38:37 · answer #5 · answered by sheilasays 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bad habits will follow him...pray for her. Get over the fact that the marriage failed. It's a loss, and that sucks to have that on your record...because we all like to win.. Chin up!!! You can win!!! Put it behind you and get on with a better life.
2007-11-16 22:35:00 · answer #6 · answered by Gary1 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
go away no you cant but you can show them both you are woman enought to do both his job as well your.s as well in being a parent and te reason t wont go away is you still love him . my opion?
2007-11-16 22:37:04 · answer #7 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he still drinking? Is she a drinker too? if so it all makes perfect sense. Or............if neither one is drinking, maybe he drank to tolerate something about his marriage to you?
2007-11-16 22:37:46 · answer #8 · answered by headcheese 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
don't feel too bad.he is doing to her what he did to you................she will do what you did in a couple of years.............
2007-11-16 22:34:20 · answer #9 · answered by richard t 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋