Am I a dreamer in lala land?

Question

My wife tells me sex is not important in a relationship but i think it is, actually making love is to me not just sex. I like the pleasure of touching her, feeling her entire body, caressing her every inch of her body, massaging her and plenty of foreplay and then making love four and hour or 2 or 3! Kissing and hugging, and making great hot love! If I it were up to me, I'd do it with her everyday, sometime twice a day. She tells me that once or twice a month might even be too much for her and that in this world, there wouldn't even be a woman who would even want that much affection, that it does not exits! I believe otherwise. She says that I'm a dreamer! Is this true or are there any women like me out there who can save my case??? That am not the sexually crazy one out here! Although, if she was more affectionate and caring I probably wouldn't want it so much! At least 4 times a week of great love would be great!

In response to kyeri y, I understand what you are saying, but here is the thing... We never made love for more than 15 to 20 minutes, she is just not into it at all, she never asks me, and if I do, she ignores me, changes subjects, or asks, me if I could go do something else. She would rather do anything else. I don't have a ego to prove, and never have. I was just mentioning how much I love to touch her. She never touches me. when she does accept to make love, then I feel like I might as well be with a rubber doll... she barely shows any affection, sensuallity, she is dry, hardly wet, so it can hurt me sometimes, tries to get me off asap, then right after turns over and goes to sleep or goes back to her TV or cats to pet them! So I'm not the one who is wrong, i think. And I've tried asking her many times what she likes or what would make her happy making love, and her answer is no response at all or ' Ok, then go to sleep and just lay down next to me!"

Answer 1

you are on track. but your wife needs to be on the same track as you. i'm not quite sure why i hear this in marriages. one spouse is almost always more frisky than the other. whatever you do, don't try anything outside of your marriage. continue to talk about it and pray for her to have a change of heart because intimacy is VERY important in marriage. you must come to a compramise so that you both are happy with the love-making. i wish you the best with it....

Answer 2

Sounds like my marriage. Turned out that my wife had a chronic and incurable problem with her entire endocrine system. It's not terminal, but there's nothing that can be done about it. Could be your wife has something organically wrong with her that might be fixable.

Talk to her about going to a specialist - one or more - and trying to find out if there is something that can be done to change her emotional detachment from the relationship. This is not 'normal'.

However, if she does not agree to find out what's wrong because in her mind nothing is wrong, you may have to make a very difficult decision. You don't say how long you have been married and you don't mention children. Given my experience, if you don't have children, I would consider ending the marriage. It's not going to be a healthy relationship for either of you: you will be continually frustrated and resentful, and she's going to be annoyed by your constant sexual advances.

If you do decide to leave, get a good attorney and a good personal therapist to help you through the process. It's not going to be easy.

Answer 3

If you want it and she won't give it find someone who will. I don't think she would mind because then she could pet her cats all night without worring about you coming after her.
You left alot out of your story you didn't tell us how long you two have been married. Was she like this when you two were dating and when did it start. Do the two of you have kids,do you get along out side of the bed room. You sound like you could be a little over sexed Do you see what i mean there could be so many reason why things are the way they are.

Answer 4

Some women want sex more times than others and the same goes for men. I sometimes just like to go to bed and get some much needed sleep.

Answer 5

If you'd give her a quickie once in awhile and not drag it out for 2 or 3 hours when she's got other stuff to do, she might be willing to go for more than once a month.

I like sex a lot, but if someone was on me longer than 15 or 20 minutes I'd have to tell them to get the heck off and not to expect to get to have sex with me again, ever.

Now, I'll bet your wife likes sex just fine, it just sounds like she doesn't like it WITH YOU, and I can tell you why. When you're on a woman for 2 or 3 hours, it's not about her, it's about you. You're not (can't possibly be) interested in making her feel good, because if you were you'd respect her wishes and move things along. After the first 30 minutes she's probably asleep and wondering why the hell you won't leave her alone.
It sounds like lovemaking, for you, is more about your ego and being able to say you did this and that, and also about trying to FORCE your wife to feel things or have multiple orgasms, or whatever. If you were listening to her during sex, you'd hear her telling you what she likes, and I doubt if it's 2 or 3 hour long sex-marathons.
If you listened to her and did what she liked, she'd want to have sex more often with you.

She's probably tried to tell you a zillion times, you've refused to listen and insisted on continuing to have sex YOUR WAY, and she's given up and just decided it's better not to have sex than to put up with you and the way you go about it.

Also, and this is a biggie ... she probably spend 2 to 3 hours a day (if not more) just picking up after you, picking up your dirty laundry, doing your dishes, fixing meals, etc. ... and she's probably exhausted. So realistically, 2 to 3 hours a day for daily lovemaking just won't work or you'd be swimming in dirty underwear. Plus, it's hard to feel romantic toward a man who continually disrespects you and shows you he doesn't care by leaving his stuff laying around.

Okay, that was a lot of long rant, and I'm sure it came off sounding harsh, but I'm just trying to point out that you're probably doing these things. Show my response to your wife and ask her what she thinks about it. YOu might be surprised. And you might get more sex.

Answer 6

she is wrong. as a psychology student, sex is very beneficial to a working relationship--especially marriage. i can even back up my answer but im too lazy to look for that book. maybe ur doing it too much. the normal average according to what i have been reading is 3x a week. when ur married, sex tends to die down a little bit. thats ok. but if u let it go, its going to totally die.
although, there are just women who are just not into sex---its the same with women who do not like cuddling in bed. some people are just not sexually compatible. talk to her about it. compromise---the only way for ur relationship to last.

Answer 7

Sex is very important to me. its not the size or length that matters to me its the feeling of it. I like to have sex AT LEAST once a day if not more. but your wife is just differnet every woman is.If she just isnt that into it ask her what she would like todo to make her more into it. It might be a little role play or maybe bringing someone else into the bedroom with you guys let her know that you will act out any fantasy she might want to do but you have to be open to what she wants.

Answer 8

Your WIFE is the one who is in la la land!

Honestly I could do it 25 days out of 30 easily, but that's just me dreaming a little :-) My husband and I do make love at least a couple times a week- sometimes more.

Answer 9

sex is definately a huge part of a relationship. i agree, 4 times a week would be great

Answer 10

How long do you want to live like that? When you have had enough... there are plenty of women who do want what you want!!