Do people actually know what they are doing, by holding bitterness, in their hearts?

Question

Springing from daesymae, hope you don't mind. Holding on to pain from the past, produces bittereness, and hate. Some people "choose" to do this. They then produce chemicals, which actually affect their health, and cancer has been linked to this. But most of all, they find themselves, in a never ending vortex, going down and down. This leads to terrible self destruction in your mind and body. It also acts as a self made wall, which you cannot break down, or leap over. Thus, you never move forward, you can't. If people could undersand this, and find a way to let "go", and move on, carpe deum, seize the day, and embrace the future with hope and expectation. We would have a lot more happier and healthier people on the planet. Your comments. SERIOUS anwers, or a v. Please don't comment if you have not read it all.

It is a question, with an opinion based on fact. but I won't give you TD.

Answer 1

I agree. most people don't understand how hate and bitterness eat away at their minds and bodies, and some people just don't care. they would rather send themselves to an early grave rather than forgive. and I think that is so sad.
it takes a lot more energy to hate than it does to forgive, just like it takes more facial muscles to frown than smile!
I would much rather forgive, and put the past in the past, and get on with my life! and I'd much rather give smiles instead of frowns!
I know that God loves and forgives me, so I will do my best to love and forgive others. = )
God Bless You!

Answer 2

I hate to admit this, but I actually harbor a little bitterness in myself although I do not show it on the outside. I am just the opposite in that where I always have a smile and appear to be happy. My bitterness comes from a long time friend that accused me of something I did not do.She never offered me an apology, so I have chosen not to keep in contact with her although we live in the same town and work at the same place. After reading some of your answers, I realize, my bitterness IS only affecting me.I have moved on with my life, but I still feel I am missing what I had with her.I don't know how to proceed to make this better.I feel like if I try to reconnect with her, she will only talk about me more behind my back to her new friend. Or,do I forgive her, but keep it to myself? Is that how you can let it go?

Answer 3

I truly believe this and know two ex-husbands that have ended up like this. I also think that many of the the young people coming back from Iraq, have trauma can produce these chemicals too. All being over exposed to bad chemicals can cause this stuff too. Many coming back from Iraq have PTSD, due to what they have gone through and if they don't deal with it and as you say...let go...they end up not moving on. Thank God this time around, they have counseling for those coming back like my great nephew who is having trouble concentrating, thoughts running through his head and can't seem to relax and talk when he hasn't had a drink...very different than when he left. BUT he is going in for help!!

Answer 4

I also agree that it can't be healthy. I've seen people hold on to bitterness and how it affects their lives. It takes so much energy and so much away from the joy they could have in living, if they'd let go. I try to never hold a grudge, life is just to short to be filled with anger. The only thing you can do for someone like this is be there for them, if they ever want to change. They have to get to the point where they want something better from life for themselves.

Answer 5

There is a very old and wise saying that goes like this:

"harboring hatred or anger toward another is like YOU drinking a cup of strong poison, then waiting for THEM to die."

The Bible says we are to forgive...I believe a lot of people's inability or reluctance to forgive comes from the world training us to embrace violent, unforgiving mindsets, being opinionated to the point of narrowmindedness, and of course, man's mistaken idea of what true forgiveness IS.

Biblically, if we CAN restore relationship, we really should try to do so. But...and this is where most people "go south"..forgiveness does not HAVE to mean restoration of relationship.

Forgiveness is nothing more than admitting one's bad feelings, whether they be anger, hatred or both, and then releasing ones'self from their hold. When a Christian forgives, he/she releases that ugliness inside them and hands over the object of their badfeelings to the Lord, and agrees that GOD can take care of things just dandy without US having a finger into the pie. lol.

Forgiveness is also NOT saying "oh well, no big deal, it's okay, we'll pretend it didn't happen, let's just go back like it never occurred, and so on..." NO!!! And it's not always a "do it once, done for keeps" thing. Sometimes we must forgive every few minutes until we begin to form a HABIT of forgiving...then perhaps every few hours, then days, and gradually God gently and consistently removes that and heals us. God says that we have every right to be angry when we are victimized by someone, or our hearts are mishandled in any way.

But...and this is the biggie...He DOES say in the Book of Matthew, "If your brother has anything against you (if you're at odds with someone), leave your gift for God at the altar, go make things right with that brother, and then come offer your gift to God." God states we MUST make things RIGHT.

Have you ever offered forgiveness to someone who refused it? Have you ever refused to forgive? That is sin, and it keeps that poison going through you.

One last comment, learned from harsh experience...when you carry hatred and angry emotions inside you long-term, the person who's the object of them doesn't really suffer, YOU do. My child was horribly abused, and it took me many many attempts to finally begin to forgive Biblically. I will NOT restore relationship. I will NOT make that person any portion of my life ever again..but i DO relinquish my hatred, my venom, all my anger, over him...and I ask God to take that person, and I pray the person become a Christian, be saved, and become my brother in Christ. Hard prayer to pray and mean, but ohhhhhhh the blessed blessed release, the peace, the contentment, that comes with it.

Anger eats and eats and eats but never is satisfied...forgiveness walks away fulfilled.

Answer 6

It takes too much work to continue feeling hate and bitterness. Even if someone can't find it in their heart to forgive, they still need to just accept things for what they are and move on with their life. Letting go of all the negatives is probably the first positive step one can take.

Good question....knew exactly what you were asking.

Answer 7

You have to excuse the first comment. I can personally say that holding any kind of grudge or bitterness can cause health problems. The people or world that you are mad with are going merrily along while one allows such things to fester. I like the Proverb (17:22) that states "A merry heart does good like medicine. But a broken spirit dries the bones."

Answer 8

Hate and bitterness not only affects one's own life, but the lives of those around them. I am reminded of my former mother in law. She is full of bitterness. You can't spend one hour with her without her rehashing everything she hates about the past 40 years or so. She reminds everyone in the family of how they took advantage of her, how no one wants to be around her. It did no good to explain to her that her attitude keeps anyone from wanting to be with her. The bitterness has had serious affects on her health. She has a heart of gold, but it's been tarnished by her perceptions. She's an unhappy woman who refuses to see that her attitudes continue to keep her in a state of unhappiness.

Answer 9

I have heard that also about the chemicals and how they can be cancer causing. It is a very unhealthy way to live and what a sad way to go from day to day. I feel sorry for them but do not lose any sleep over those who do not want to be helped and continue to infect others with their inner self hatred for that is what it is and it will eat them alive.

Answer 10

I'll try not to preach here even though it is a subject that I could "warm up" to... People cannot know what they are doing in this case or they wouldn't do it.

What you said is one of the things the phrase "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors" speaks to... Forgive that we may be forgiven.

Forgiving also clears the heart and the spirit allowing us to go forward in a positive manner enjoying what the rest of the day, week, month, right on up to the rest of our life has to offer.