Hi thur, I got a relly embarrassing question. I was married for past 5 years and never had any issues wtih being gay or anything. I got nothing against em but I am straight as a stick. Now she just told me she was "born a man". She won't tell me when she got the change, only that at one time she was a "gay man" who "lived the lifestyle". I was deeply in love with her but now I am confused. It all came out when I wanted her to conceive, I forced her to go to the doctor, and in the office she finally told me the truth.
Should I divorce her or forgive her or what??? I am so confused!
2007-11-16 12:42:17 · 28 answers · asked by Krazinski 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry, but this is NOT true.
While it's certainly possible that you could have been having sex with a transsexual woman without knowing (contrary to popular belief, most men - or women, for that matter - CAN'T 'always tell'), she would not have married you without telling you; it's too dangerous for her.
Also, when she did tell you, she would NOT have said she was "born a man" (and certainly not a 'gay man') simply because, as any transsexual person will tell you, she wasn't; she was born transsexual.
If you're going to make up stories like this, please do some research first.
2007-11-16 22:56:30 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Whoa, that is a lot.
Well, first of all you have to ask yourself if you still love her for her. Not for what you just found out about her. I understand that you are upset and that this can change your life, but if you love her, then try and understand the situation.
Maybe you should have a talk with your wife and ask her why she had the sex change in the first and also why did she not tell you. Don't just give up, but you do need to take some time away for the situation to get your thoughts together.
Right now you both need to have a long and deep talk to figure out what you both can do to make a minds.
Good Luck!
2007-11-16 20:53:49 · answer #2 · answered by sparkling_apple 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok...wow...I'm kinda shocked! First of all...he/she lied to you. Not just a little "I lost $5" type of lie--that's a lie of all lies!!! But I agree that no matter what type of surgery has been done, he is still a man. If you want to have biological children realize that it will never happen with this person.
That being said, you are the only person that can decide what to do in your situation. You fell in love with a person. If you decide that you can forgive and get past this then there is always adoption...and noone else has to ever know. However, if you can't handle the fact of being married to a man then you'll have to get out of the marriage.
2007-11-16 21:26:05 · answer #3 · answered by Tina 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WOW, your wife was very wrong to mislead you by not being open to you when you met. And for you not to beable to know that she was a man at one time is unbelevable. You must of had the lites out at all times. To forgive that person for destroying your life, wow is a hard decision. Love is a very strong feeling and who know what else is that person keeping from you. All i can say is go with your heart and if divorice is what is needed for you to be complete, and comfortable as a man , take the needed actions
2007-11-16 21:10:52 · answer #4 · answered by whats the answer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The outside is not what matters its the personality if you truley love her/him whatever, then you should think about forgiving them, although that is a very big brake in trust and im not sure i could overcome that, if you do end up accepting them for who they are then thats fine but you need to let them no if you can forgive them in the trust sense. And if you want to have kids then you might want to think about what your going to do with your life because they are obviously not going to conceive anytime, theres adoptian and all that stuff but if you can have your own and want your own then you should get your own, if you dont think you could ever trust them again then i dont think its worth working it out a relationship without trust isnt a very good one, gl i hope that helps.
2007-11-16 20:50:27 · answer #5 · answered by <3HoneyJacobs<3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what kind of "surgery" a man gets, he can never become a woman. A man can get his penis chopped off and a hole made in place of it; he can also get surgery to give him boobs - but no matter the procedures, he will always remain a man.
Yes, that's a man you're married to. And you need to divorce him for that reason. Besides, he lied to you about his gender. That there is more than worthy of divorce. Get it; get it now: Get a divorce.
2007-11-16 20:47:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you truly love her, you will stay with her. Just cos she was once different on the outside does not mean she is not the same person on the inside. She probably did not tell you because she was afraid you would reject or worse leave her like now. Forgive her if you love her.
2007-11-16 20:46:29 · answer #7 · answered by molli maire 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow that is one Hugh lie. She really wasn't fair to you, because she had to know that you would want kids at some point. If you would have known that she was a man, after you fell in love with her but before you married her would you have still married her? May that is your answer. again wow that is one Hugh lie.
2007-11-16 20:55:49 · answer #8 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because you still refer to her as her wife, i assume you still love her.
that was wrong not to tell you. especially when you had children in mind. i'd be hurt about it too.
the question is...where do you go from here? this can be worked out if you want. you can forgive her, maybe look into adoption instead. treat it as she is infertile.
or you can take your pride and get a divorce.
where do you want to be in 5 years?
2007-11-16 20:55:30 · answer #9 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she told you that she is a gay man (or you mean lesbian?) then its better to divorce her but before that convince her to fall in love with you. Tell that if she really loves you then she should be your righteous wife and a pure woman.
She'll change her mind 'cuz for what i believe man is a man and woman is a woman God created them to be what they are!!!
Man cant be a woman and woman cant be a man!!! As if lesbian and gay people are out of their mind or not in their self!
a Sex Change!?! Sorry to tell you this but the truth is you better devorce her its useless. same sex is wrong! That cant Be!
2007-11-16 20:45:29 · answer #10 · answered by Newton 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋