I know there's post partum depression and all that, but I dont think what I'm dealing with is that at all.
I'm just so tired of my husband. He hogs the baby all the time, tells me I dont trust him...calls me lazy (when I just gave birth 4 days ago so I dont really feel up to doing a whole lot), he doesnt sympathize with me on anything, he complains about HIS being tired and sore all the time...tells me IM the one hogging the baby, complains about the house being a mess, and not to mention I'm quitting smoking as I dont want my newborn son around smoke, so I'm a tad irritable obviously...and he will not quit at all, and he comes in smelling like cigarettes all the time and makes me crave them and then tells me I'm "a mess" or "being a *****" or "crazy" or whatever. I really dont know what to do. I want to just LEAVE, I mean...I love him but I just need to get out of the house or something but I'm in pain so I cannot. What should I do? I need help.
2007-11-16 11:18:44 · 17 answers · asked by krisindeed 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Kris-First of all how cute can you get. Beautiful Baby!!
When your husband is out during the day and the baby is asleep. If you have a porch or something like that go out and take really deep breaths and enjoy the air and sky and sit back if you can and close your eyes and relax. I have a demanding husband too. I know. I also know what you are feeling right now. If you can- while he has the baby sometime- just go to another room and sit by yourself. Take advantage of all of the little breaks. As for his badgering you about the house, all I could do was pray through mine, and try to do a little house work at a time. i know that you are not feeling your best. Maybe while he is out during the day you can ask a friend to come by and help you tidy up a bit. The outside company will probably lift your spirits too.
I wish you and your family the best I will also pray for you.
2007-11-16 11:31:49 · answer #1 · answered by quick33118 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to the person above its not funny at all. Although i have not been in the position you are in (as i am a single mum) I think you should just give it a little time. After just giving birth and adjusting to having a baby around your emotions are probably all over the place. Don't so something that you may regret later!!! Give it a bit of time and then if you still feel the same way then you can make the decision to make some changes!! Is there somebody that you can talk to, sometimes sharing a problem with a friend or relative can really help!! Congratulations on the birth and i hope things improve soon!!
2007-11-16 19:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by bec 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not to make light of your issue with the Hubby, but bringing a new baby home causes a lot of anxiety for both parents. If you have a relative or close friend now would be a good time to ask for a hand around the house. My Mother did it for me and I did it for my daughter. Sounds like it's time for you both to have a night out. If you have a sitter you trust, schedule a date with your man. In the meantime, create a list of daily activities/ chores, set the man down and go over it with him. Try to be empathetic to his work away from home (this is the tough part) while sorting who will do what on the list. Don't expect miracles, it takes time to make all the adjustments to your new lifestyle. I would insist he wash his hands between smoking and handling baby, it's better for baby who is also sensitive to smells. If your aren't nursing consider the patch or lozenges to help ease your withdrawl symptoms. If you are nursing consult your Doctor for a support group, it's amazing how much relief you can get just venting to someone that truly understands your situation.
I know it seems overwhelming now but these things do have a way of settling down into a daily routine.
Congrats on your new baby boy!!!
2007-11-16 19:43:10 · answer #3 · answered by R M 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What your doing is right. Talk to people, communicate your feelings. Not only are you dealing with postpartum depression but quiting smoking too. Your feelings are perfectly normal but do not let them rule you. It is a hormonal reaction to child birth and nicotine withdrawal so do not be hard on your self, blame the chemicals. Smile, and go on. Once you admit what makes you feel this way, you pretty much have the situation in control. Keep reminding yourself what it is and you will get better.
I am very proud of your quitting smoking, if not for yourself but for the baby. You will be a great Mom.
2007-11-16 19:26:52 · answer #4 · answered by JAN 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are both going through A LOT of life adjustments at one time. Give yourself (and him) a break in consideration of all these changes and don't make any rash decisions that you may live to regret so soon. You may think it's tough to deal with a new baby with him but it will be much harder without him. You said you still love him so it will work itself out. Make it a point to take a break from him and the baby - "me" time is still very important and that's what it sounds like you need or maybe just to talk to a therapist and let out all our struggles and frustrtations. Hang in there, it will get better! Congrats on the baby too.
2007-11-16 19:26:14 · answer #5 · answered by Natalie S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk tot he doctor about it, even if you don't think you do you still might. And about the husband mine was the same way. The day I came home from the hospital I had 4 loads of laundry calling my name. A sink full of dishes... at the time I was the dish washer. And my house was a mess. My son was sick when he was born so I stayed with him while my husband stayed at home and went to work. It sounds like you and your husband need to sit down and talk it out. Try taking turns with your new baby. If your bottle feeding he takes one time and then you do the next. This time with your new baby is an amazing time. They don't stay that small forever and you will miss it. Try taking a long bath, or painting your nails. Do somehting small just to take your mind on what is going on around you. If you want to talk about it you can always email me... my husband is the same way.
2007-11-16 19:26:05 · answer #6 · answered by crazy_cat_lady 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best advice anyone can give you here and what your doctor will undoubtedly say is: talk with your husband abt this (especially if he's being insensitve and "me, me me"---if you don't talk to him (calmly) nothing's going to get done. You're both in this for the long haul, but as others have said, think things through before doing anything rash, and talk to people close to you also for their opinions abt the relationship during this beautiful new adjustment.
Medically:
You should definitely get your postpartum pain taken looked at by your OB (www.webmd.com: don't take narcotics if you're breastfeeding!!!/ switch to formula if it's really bad---get recommendations by doctors) .
Common new mommy advice like: Make most of your time like nap while the baby naps-------some new dads, still involved with their newborns, have reported, in a Parenting mag I read, resorted to sleeping in separate rooms (until baby sleeps through the night, whenever that happens lol) when a lot of sleep is needed for their jobs.
****If there are good grandparents and relatives in the picture, take advantage of them to lessen you and your hubby's stress if they offer to babysit, especially the grandparents!!!! :-) ********
Sweetie, from my mother, older girlfriends, and sister-in-law's experiences MULTIPLE experiences (me hopefully in the near future :-) ), OBs, older female relatives ( but listen to your intuition if things don't seem right & do your research!) are some of your best people to lean on.
***WEBMD have multiple articles I received in my daily health email newsletter which included info abt new mothers (and fathers) help (if u choose so) , you and your husband can check out the website. Just spend the day looking it over, and you'll have a better time getting answers posting questions on WEBMD's message boards instead of this generic answer website, please, just don't bother with Yahoo! answers for medical questions anymore. On Webmd.com's message boards, questions are answered by other new moms, patients (whatever the health topic message board is about) and I have seen that specialized doctors answer most poster's questions (unless they seem too common- sense ) You might have seen some of their TV ads. ---Articles on WebMD are medically reviewed (there are links off of the website too, but I don't think those are reviewed) , all the docs know about the website ( i have used question checklist to appointments with new doctors)***** (their best advice to me since i started using the website in 2004: Always get a second opinion when u have a new doctor on a serious matter, or if you just question anything--listen to your inner voice!)
Good luck with your new adventure!
2007-11-16 20:05:19 · answer #7 · answered by tahiwriter85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call your mom. Either go to her house for a couple of weeks or ask her to come. Tell her you're tired and in pain and need her help. Let him say that stuff around your mom.
TX Mom
2007-11-16 19:22:42 · answer #8 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
tell him to shove something thats about the same weight as the baby when you gave birth, to shove it up his a** and then squeeze it out ans ask him how he feels. Im sorry if this sounds sick but i can only imagin how hard giving birth must be.
2007-11-16 19:23:41 · answer #9 · answered by vlad 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it can be very hard. All I wanted to do was sit around and hold my baby. On the other hand it sounds like you two has deeper issues... perhaps you should seek counseling.
2007-11-16 19:24:13 · answer #10 · answered by AllyBear07 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋