Can you rebuild a relationship with your husband, when you have been betrayed?

Question

We have 2 children and 1 on the way. Just after I found out I was pregnant with the 3rd he confessed to cheating on me once. Then I discovered another affair he has since admittted to.
This news tore my world apart but I tried to stay strong for the sake of my kids. He said he realised how stupid he acted and was sorry and would never do it again. I decided there was so much at stake and wanted to work things out. Things were going great until the last 3 weeks. He has started staying out late to drink with the boys and he never answers his phone when he is out.
I have a feeling that I was wrong in believing he wouldn cheat again and that he is. Even though he swears he is just out with the boys. I am worried because he has cheated before that I could be just jumping to conclusions out of fear but my gut tells me he's at it again.

Has anyone rebuilt a relationship after something like this? Is it possible or do they really never stop cheating?

Answer 1

to rebuid you both have to be working at it you can't do it by yourself its like making a house and every time he goes out and doesnt answer your calls he is kicking you walls down. You can't make any progress while he is taking steps back. It might be time to call it quits

Answer 2

if he only cheated on u once u might have a chance, but this is basically what he wants to do, and may not realize what he has until he looses it. even if he isn't cheating right now he still isn't at home and being the husband u and the kid's deserve. once betrayed its really hard to put it back or feel the same. only u can answer that question. he doesn't sound like a man who is interested in rebuilding the marriage, if he was he would be sitting there with u trying as hard as he could to make right what he did wrong. could u really trust this man with your heart again or your future? get some therapy because when your betrayed and cheated on it can destroy ones self worth and bruise their ego's. u do not deserve a life like this, and your wanting to rebuild what he keeps tearing down, your fighting a battle that is going to be difficult to win with his mindset.

Answer 3

Yes there have been a few that have actually quit. On the other hand there are more that have not quit they just don't get caught. You need to talk to your husband and let him know that by him going out with the boys and drinking and not answering his phone, he is not doing any good towards gaining your trust back. Tell him that just the opposite is happening and you are losing trust in him again. If he gets defensive about it all then take it as a sign that he has at least pondered the idea of cheating again and is trying to fool you off with the anger routine. I think that the both of you really need to get into counseling to make this really work. He needs to hear it from a professional that you need reassurance right now and he is the one that has to prove his worth not the other way around. If he refuses counseling and refuses to see that he is hurting things by going out and not answering his phone then you are going to have to think about the end of this relationship. You can not fix things on your own. Marriage is a 2 way street and it takes you both to make it work. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Sorry but you have what is called a serial cheater one who never will stop. He will keep on cheating on you until you put a stop to it,the only way to stop him is to leave him . Don't just say you are going to leave you need to actually do it.
You need to show him the pain he has caused you and your kids.If you let him talk you into staying he will be cheating with the same person and laughing about it behind your back. So many wives think they know their husbands,the man you live with isn't the same man that walks out the front door. Don't ever think you know your husband because you don't and if he is good at what he does you never will know the dark side of him. We all have two sides to us some worse then others, what makes you think that side of him is gone? We all would love to believe in our spouses when then tell us they are sorry
and it will never happen again. I wish it was that easy but unfortunately it doesn't work that way in most cases. Don't be a door mat for him to walk on any longer. Move back with your parents if you have to or make him leave.

Answer 5

I would say that in 'staying' to work things out you should have made some things pretty clear. Hanging out with the boys and not answering the cell phone would be one of those deal breakers for me. He's got a history of lying, cheating and sneaking....he should be AN OPEN BOOK.

I don't know how you rebuild a relationship after that.....I'm so sorry.

Answer 6

my husband and I are putting our relationship back together after both of us cheated on one another. long story short, he cheated on me with a married woman and had a kid, told me when the kid was 1 and then i cheated on him to help kill the pain i was feeling...but i didn't cheat on him once, but twice. now, we are living together again and both worried sick that the other will mess around. i love my husband with so much passion....i can't stand the thought of ever being without him again....so, it is possible....you may want to seek some sort of marriage therapy for the two of you.....we will be looking into family therapy for us and our 3 kids. i do my best to try to believe him when he tells me that he is being faithful....if you dont', then you mind wonders all the time. I recommend this book if you can find it...."After The Affair". I have been reading it and it's helping. I really do wish the best for you and your family...I have been there and know it's not easy.

Answer 7

The only way to build a relationship back like this would be for him to want to change. You can not change him. It sounds like you want it more them him. He has to be willing to work on getting your trust back. And if you are thinking you should stay for the kids then you are thinking wrong.
What he and you are teaching them is not good. He is teaching them to cheat on someone they love and you are teaching them it is ok to stay when someone does.
I would be telling him it is time for some marriage counseling if he wants to stay married...
Him being out with the guys is not a way to gain your trust back and he should be more worried about that then the guys and if he is not you are the only one in this relationship which really is no relationship at all.......sorry

Answer 8

I left my husband of 15 years and have 4 children. So they say they will change but most times they dont. I feel bad knowing you have a baby on the way but for I could,not deal with the trust issues it still haunts me to this day and we have been divorced nearly 2 years.

Answer 9

well he did confess to you that he has had an affair.so maybe he really is just out with the guys.does he stay out every night or just a night or two a week?when i'm with my friends i don't like to get calls from my wife.unless somethings wrong of course.but i also don't go out alot either.anyway the idea will allways be in your head(he cheated on me,will he cheat again,is he cheating now.)might be good to sit down and talk about it with him works for me and my wife.but the trust issue will have to be worked out whether or not he is cheating again or it will kill the marrage.good luck

Answer 10

Just because you have two children and one on the way and your husband cheated on you before that he is cheateing on you now you have lost trust and faith in this man he has done a lot of damage to your marriage and you just dont trust hm my question is are you still in love with him. Is it possible to work it out with him and stay married it is possible if you can forgive him in your heart you will be free and you will beable to move on but it takes two to make this marriage work.

best of luck