If you know of a person who has had a hard life and is full of bitterness and hate, what can one do?

Question

to help them think more positive and less angry with the world? How come some people come out of life disappointments so bitter, and others do not?

Montana - I am so glad it worked out for your mom. God bless her

Answer 1

Life can be hard and disappointing. Try and have patience with this person and don't judge her to much. You did not walk in her shoes.

Answer 2

Just show them the kindness that has been lacking in their
lives. Maybe take a dozen cookies, freshly baked to give them a treat. The kindness speaks for itself in every bite.
People today don't often get involved with anyone in their
neighborhoods anymore. You can live next door to someone
and wave high when you see them. But do you even know
their name? Even after 8 years or ten years of living next door? This is all too typical. There are also too many forgotten
souls that have been shoved to the side, by their families for
one reason or another. They might live alone. Or they might
have a spouse. But life has taught them hardness and strife,
and it's not easy to muster up smiles anymore. So those are
the truly in need of a good deed or kindness that any
neighbor can extend to them. And we're getting into that time
of year, where we are reminded of those souls who treat the
holidays like any other day. Maybe they have no family to
come by and see them. Or maybe their families are too busy
with their own lives to extend their own hands to help in some
way. Not everyone can be blessed with families to spend a
holiday with. Or have a present to open on Christmas. And
it's usually that type of person who doesn't want charity. They
say they only want to be alone. But that's not true. So this
holiday season, go out of your way to say a friendly, Happy
Thanksgiving, or a Merry Christmas, and mean it, to all you
see. For it might just make their day a little brighter. And if
you can invite them in to share some hot drink do it too. You
might just make a new friend!

Answer 3

I have found that staying away is the best medicine for me. I don't like pounding my head against the wall to help someone that doesn't really want it. And if they are that bad, they should seek counseling on their own. Unless it's your child or mate.

My husbands family has interventions. I never heard of them before I was 52, and think that the family is meddling in someone else's business. They try and try, but these people just keep going back to their old ways.

The sicko needs to bottom out and seek help. That's the only way it works. I've seen it over and over again. TOUGH LOVE works best. Don't give them what they want. Give them what they need, but they should earn it.

I know this is not the answer you are looking for. You want to hear all about kindness and prayer. They take advantage of nice people and even will steal from them if they find they need something.

Yes, there are some people who benefit from nurturing and kindness. But how can you tell a taker from a needer? If they come to you, are honest, and share their problems, they can be helped. But those that are angry with the world, are and will live that way until THEY CHOOSE not to anymore.

Answer 4

Sometimes there's nothing anyone else can do if a person won't let hurt and bitterness go. Maybe try to bring a little calmness and pleasantness into their lives.. Also, do nothing that would feed their attitude by commiserating about their situations.

Why do some people handle disappointment better than others. True happiness begins and ends within our own heads. We can't allow any other individual or circumstance to control our own personal happiness and feeling of well-being. Placing our own happiness in someone elses hands is a recipe for disaster. Most people are as happy as they want to be.

Answer 5

When did YOU meet my ex?

Seriously it's sad when people are bitter about the world we live in. We can only try to show them the positive and be there for them. My personal opinion on why some cope better, is in the upbringing and how strong your parents made you. Some had good opportunities, others unfortunately didn't. There's still hope with the help of compassionate people such as yourself, they can begin to see the world from your light and have a whole new outlook. Good question.

Answer 6

Some, for some reason want to wallow in it. It gives them an excuse and it's too uncomfortable to let it go. I married one......I swear he could ruin a free lunch and find fault with a bright sun shiny day. He thrives on people who love to empathize with his horrible life and never expect anything from him and preferably join him in his I hate the World party and swoon over his poor misfortunes........until after awhile it becomes clear it's an endless cycle mostly of his own doing because he really doesn't want to change or be happy or get on with life. Whatever the pay-off is.....I don't know....but it's powerful and all the love and breaks and chances and understanding doesn't work. Just sucks the life out of those around him and drags you down after awhile.

I've known people who have suffered 100 x's worse and aren't like that at all. Many say they are thankful for it because it's made them stronger and a better person.

I don't know if it's preconceived beliefs, lousy attitude or what it is that makes people react differently.

Answer 7

Even if we haven't experienced the same issues in life as they, we can empathize and show compassion. They may not always like to hear what we have to say. Frequently such people put up walls, and even though there are things they should hear for their own good, they just don't want to hear it. When you actually get a chance to work with that type of person, and they listen and risk making some changes in their life, the transformation is amazing. It takes some trust on their part. If they try something and fail, that doesn't mean they should run behind their walls again. If they have someone like you who wants to help them work out their issues, it's a shame when they reject what might be.

Answer 8

I think that many of these people that had a hard life and are bitter do not see how they contributed to their hard life. It takes a positive attitude, humor, and a belief that this is meant to be for whatever reason. Those people usually blame everything and everyone and it is never because of something they did or didn't do. My Mom had a very hard life with abuse and rape mixed in but she always maintained a sense of humor and loved laughter. Underneath she was disappointed with her life and slowly came to realize the part she played in it with so many bad choices. She is now a very happy 82 year old.

Answer 9

Probably unpopular opinion but I have known a few that thrived on negativity. Nothing you could say or do would change how they felt. I found it to be contagious and best if after an initial attempt to speak positive and show them love them get the heck out of Dodge and let them wallow in bitterness. You cannot make a person open their eyes, mind and heart if they have decided to hold grudges and be bitter.

Answer 10

Unlike some of the other contributors I believe that as a rule, these people with bitterness have boxed themselves in for life. You are not going to win them over. Normally that is. Yes, every so often someone will realize the error of their ways and come around, but they are so few and far between. If it makes you feel good to hold their hand, then go for it. I don't know what else to say.

Answer 11

daisy mae...you know some of my story. A small part of it. Believe me when I say I can probably go head to head comparing abusive childhoods and married life (and then some) with any other person on here.

What helped me is my stubbornness. I was ABSOLUTELY determined that I wasn't going to let the men who abused me through my life ruin the rest of it for me. I wanted to live and enjoy life, and be able to rub that enjoyment in their faces, metaphorically.

So I learned how to understand what motivated me. And how to change those aspects I hated in my personality. It took years and is still ongoing, if truth be told. But the major step, and the most important was learning to accept myself warts and all, and LOVE myself.

I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. So I don't judge others. And my friends here on Seniors have been busy teaching me how to reach out and share myself. It's very hard sometimes, but extremely liberating.

I don't think that I am at all bitter. I imagine that people who can't let go of past hurts are the ones who suffer the most and turn bitter. I feel sorry for them, but they have chosen their path through life. Some people even revel in the bitterness and negativity.