I just got engaged.. only, i'm not in love with him! I should be as he is the nicest, kindest, sweetest guy i've ever met and he adores me. . . only, i'm stupidly in love with my ex! why? I can't answer that, I really can't. I hate myself, I really really do. My head's in turmoil and I don't know what to do. Are my feelings blocked for my fiance because I don't want to get hurt again> will I fall in love with him eventually? And how do I get my stupid ex out my head (who by the way dumped me for a 26yr old Brazilian woman who only wanted a passport!) I am in my 40's and yes i should know better but i'm hurting inside and have no one else to talk to about this. I feel like driving a car into a wall at full speed. Any suggestions?
2007-11-16 10:10:25 · 17 answers · asked by Dawn M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, stay out of your car.
Second, let your poor fiance off the hook and leave him.
Third, make no sudden movements until you have some serious therapy time under your belt.
Good luck.
2007-11-16 10:14:24 · answer #1 · answered by box of rain 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
First of all you did not give yourself time to heal after the breakup with your ex. I will bet you went into a new relationship right away. You need to give yourself at least a year before starting a new serious relationship. But, people like you have to learn the hard way. You don't seem to respect men who are good and kind..you like being hurt and abused by men so you feel you are not good enough for your fiance. So,give him back his ring. Tell him you feel confused and have to sort out your feelings before planning a wedding. You are so used to being abused and hurt, that is all you know and you seem to like turmoil in your life. You my dear should seek out a good therapist and go weekly until you find out why you are acting out such distructive behavior and have these thoughts about your ex. Marrying this man when you are not in love with him will be a disaster and it will never last. Why hurt him? Does he deserve that? I don't think so.
2007-11-16 11:51:35 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be honest with your fiance -- tell him the truth. Honey, marriage is about committment, trust, and spending the rest of your life together, everyday with a soulmate. If you are obsessed with your ex, it won't work. You won't fall in love with someone eventually. First, break off the engagement as soon as possible, otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy, and keep your fiance hanging. Second, seek some therapy, to figure out what your want our of a healthy relationship. There may be a guy out there for you, but it's not your fiance. Good luck.
2007-11-16 10:28:05 · answer #3 · answered by Alyse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only natural that you would still have feelings for your ex. You loved him and he did something to you that is not easily forgotton. Theres a guy like this in my past too. This was over 10 years ago. I still to this day think of him. The difference being that while I may on occation fanticize about what it would have been like to live with him for ever, reality tells me I am way much better off! I choose reality. Reality told me there was someone far better for me.
I would imagine that if you werent' tied up emotionally to your x, you would really like the one you're now engaged to.
I bet he would treat you with respect, compassion and commitment that you deserve.
You should try going to therapy for a few sessions and try to get help getting over the x. Even try a hypnotist. That would be a darn good psychologist who knows how to make it work. I have done this and it is a wonderful feeling like nothing I ever experienced. It brings you to a state of complete relaxation and then he makes suggestions to you to make you feel calm and peacful.
You deserve a good life with a faithful friend. If you aren't ready for that, then get yourself ready!!
Things will work out for you.
I hope you are feeling better soon.
2007-11-16 11:36:36 · answer #4 · answered by latebreakfast 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be marrying someone just to spare their feelings.You aren't being honest with yourself or him.You should end it now...before you know it you will have spent a fortune and be stood in a wedding dress feeling the worst you have ever felt!..your ex must stay your ex, don't get any illusions about getting back with him.You need to learn to love yourself first before you can fall in love truly with someone else.He obviously hurt you deeply but don't use that as an excuse to punish yourself. Turn it into something positive and start a fresh life ..what do you really want....have a think and go for it!
2007-11-16 10:23:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love is a strong work.
I just sent a email to my friend that is 5000 miles away saying I love her, when my wife is in 50 mile radiest. Am I a player? Yes and no.
The work player is can be define in so many way.
I love my friend
I love my brother
I love my mom
I love my wife
Now tell me did I spell the work love wrong? NO, but it does have different meaning right?
Once you except that there is different meaning and different level of love, you can be happy with your currect boyfriend.
Remember, no one can take the place of your ex, So just keep him in your heart. That is what you have always been doing.
I told my wife that she is my world. But my ex is the center of my world. The reason is that my love life is like the earth, as time pass, new layer will be cover. My wife is just not my first love or another other ex love there is. She has to except. This is live.
2007-11-16 10:26:33 · answer #6 · answered by ken401lam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance deserves to marry someone who loves him as much as he loves you. You are not that person, so you should have never said "yes" in the first place. Break off the engagement before it is too late, and figure out what is going on in your head before you get involved in the serious relationship again.
2007-11-16 10:15:01 · answer #7 · answered by terliuke 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just for a moment switch the situation around and imagine being in his shoes. Now do the decent thing and call off the engagement unless you want to totally humiliate your fiance that is? Get it sorted now or else you'll be sitting on ask yahoo on friday nights when you are 50 and just as miserable!!!
2007-11-16 10:26:51 · answer #8 · answered by Alie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Number 1. He ADORES you for crying out loud!!
2. You're feelings ARE blocked by you're fiance. Take steps to rid yourself of baggage caused by him first
3. I can tell you how to get you're stupid ex out of you're head. You said he dumped you for a 26 yr Brazilian woman right? Tell yourself this every hour for the next 24 hours. "My ex choose the brazilian over me". You'll get over the guy pretty quick. And then say...."my fiance adores me". Reality will soon start to sink in.
Take care hun and um stay inside for the next couple of days alright? :)
2007-11-16 10:23:38 · answer #9 · answered by Erin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have got to love yourself before you can love anyone else , your engaged to another man but still in love with your ex first of all you have got to let this ex out of your heart and than you will be free to love again but until you get him out of your heart than you will not be-able to love your finance you want to love. Yes perhaps you should have known better but it happens and now it is time for you to move on only god can heal broken hearts. so pray with all your strength that god removes this person for your heart before you lose a very good man.
best of luck
2007-11-16 10:26:05 · answer #10 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one thing i have to say is to et your head straight
marrige is someting that can last a lifetime and is something which shouldn't be fiddeled around with.
you must make sure that you can live and love your fiance untill the day you day if you think you can't cancle the engagement, i know it sounds quite bad but its better than regretting it till years later.
And about your ex, is he married or going out with the brazilian person. you could talk to him and say how you feel, thats all i know.
So remember think carefully who you love most and who you can live with.
2007-11-16 10:32:26 · answer #11 · answered by Simz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋