What would you do if you had a chance to go to college with a grant but your husband did not want you to go?

Question

I have a chance to go back to college and I have been wanting to for some time now but I wanted to wait until my children were of age to do more things for themselves,so know they are 15, 17,it is my big chance but my husband is not supportive no matter what I say or how bad I explain that I really want to do this to better myself and provide a better financial status.My husband is disabled now,he use to be a mechanic, but he is capable of taking care of himself it's just partial disability. I love him but think it is wrong to deprive me of my dreams. what do you think? am I being selfish, I am 37 soon to be 38.please voice your opinion all is welcome.

Answer 1

his disability is causing him to feel insecure, he thinks u will get your education and be gone. i would assure him that is not the case, make him understand u love him but i would not pass up this chance to better yourself and your future.

Answer 2

Tell you're husband that you're education will benefit the both of you. Some men think that their ego will be shattered if the women excels professionally. He may or may not feel this way, but explain to him after you get you're degree he can stop working. Tell him you are thankful that he has supported you and you're children all of these years and now it is you're turn to support him. You can fufill you're dream and give a little back to you're husband at the same time. If he is still resistant, then you will have to decide what you want to do. Personally, I always say.. go for you're dreams. I never did follow through with my childhood dreams but then again, my adult dreams are much more brighter :) A grant is a terrible thing to waste. So is a bright, talented person willing to go back to school. I pray that you will do the right thing. Good luck to you!!!!

Answer 3

lil frogger.
you poor thing. Torn between the man you love and your dream of over 17 years. Write him a letter, explaining why this is so important to you, but why he and the kids are more important, even so there's no reason why you cant have both school and family. Let him know how much you love him and remind him of the times when you were both young and madly in love with each other and that you are still that same girl only older. Tell him you know he is scared and why and that that is normal but that you are going to college with or without his blessing but you'd much prefer it to be with his support and love. Finally reassure him you aren't going to leave him and that he's stuck with you for a very long time to come whether he likes it or not. Leave the letter with him just before you go out so that he can read it alone and not have a blazing row over it. Then later have a family meeting including the kids of course and calmly and with love tell the three of them your plans emphasizing how much they all mean to you and so on. Good luck lil frogger, I will pray for you and your family cos I know you want their blessing to forge ahead with your studies (and you will get it, keep believing).

Answer 4

I've heard it said " A dream deferred is a dream lost" you've had this dream for quite awhile and even though you have found yourself putting others first (husband, children) now is the time to do what's in your heart. Encourage your husband to take part by suggesting he take a few courses, if he's unwilling and unsupportive of your desire to go back pray and ask the master above for strength to do what you must. There comes a time when we must step out on faith and take a chance here's your chance spread your wings and fly. I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

you MUST do this. you and your husband are not siamese twins, joined together and unable to be parted. perhaps he feels very threatened and insecure about you being around new people and learning new things. you are only 38. if he is unsupportive, reassure him, tell him you are doing this for the better of the family but you are doing it.

now, you may think 15 and 17 are good ages for your kids, but, they need you more than ever, just to let you know. they need rules boundaries and limits and love and security too. it would be such a good example if they saw you working double duty, taking care of them and your home and your husband and also tackling a college program. dont be misled, you will be working harder than ever, but it will be exciting and empowering.

you are 37, you still have boundless energy of youth, you have ambition and you are willing to do what it takes. this feeling does not last forever. if you have this chance, dont you dare not take it. that does not mean you neglect your kids, as i said, they need you, they need your watchful eye on them too.

now, if you dont do this you will never feel right about it. please throw yourself into excellence in all these areas, your kids, home, marriage, and studies. many women have done this to great success at your age, and you will not regret it. but dont think, i could put this off another 5 years, actually, if you are willing to do it do it now. dont wait. your husband will perhaps mope and complain, but secretly he will be proud of you.

Answer 6

If your husband is capable of taking care of himself for a few hours a day, I say go back to college. Even if you just do night classes or a couple of classes a week. I know it's hard if he's not going to be supportive, but this is about your needs. And quite frankly, after raising your babies and taking care of him, it's high time you addressed some of your own needs and dreams.

If nothing else, compromise with him and take classes online so that you're there with him and still able to take your classes. that's what I've been doing since my babies are still very little (18 mos and 3 mos) and that's working out pretty well.

Just let him know that this is really important to you and that you're going to do this. You'd like to have his support in it, but you're going to do it regardless of whether or not he approves.

Answer 7

You know, he might just be intimidated by you getting an education. He also might be worrying that he won't be good enough for you in the future.
I don't know what kind of relationship you have, but it sounds like you've been together for a long time. So, you know him.
Sit him down and ask him if he would want you to be incapable of earning a decent income if anything happened to him.
Also, assure him you are doing it for the benefit of all the family, not just yourself, (even tho you will be the one who benefits the most!!)
You are not selfish to want to want to improve yourself! This is almost a necessity in today's world.
Ask him WHY he is against it.
Lovingly let him know that this is your wish, and for him not to support you in it makes you feel --------(fill in the blank)
Give him every reason to believe in you.
If he still chooses to be stubborn, you will have to decide what to do.
Personally, I believe education is the key to ending poverty and ignorance in this world.
Good luck. I hope he has a soft heart when you talk to him!

Answer 8

I think he sees this as your ticket out and is scared that you'd leave him.
Just go. You've put your education on the back burner long enough caring for everyone else. Now it's your turn to turn your dream into a reality.
Tell him to sign up for some classes too. Since he has a mechanical background, maybe he should look into becoming a technical writer.

Answer 9

In my opinion, I think it's selfish of your husband to try and hold you back from something that is so important to you. It's not dangerous, it isn't bad for you relationship so I don't see why he feels that way. Maybe he doesn't want to see you do well because of his pride. He isn't working anymore and maybe just maybe he doesn't want to feel as if he is depending on you. Who knows, my ex tried to tell me the same thing but it was out of jelousy mostly but I went anyway. My dreams are important to me and if someone loves me and wants me happy then my dreams will be important to them too. I wish you well; how about checking out online colleges. University of Phoenix is a good college and you do all your homework online. It isn't too complicated. I'd check into it though; it might work better for you both. Good luck

Answer 10

I don't think that you are being selfless at all your children are old enough to take care of them selves with the help of your husband. If you really want to go on and make a better life for you and your family i don't see anything wrong with it, It could be that your husband is insecure and don't want to lose you will be spending time away from home and the family. maybe he thinks you will forget about him iand the kids once you start studying it will take time away from him. Its not right for someone to keep someone from accomplishing what they want out of life that will help them and the family. Do what is right for you and your family.

best of luck

Answer 11

husbands can come and go but an education is yours to keep. you already know all the answers, you are seeking confirmation on a decision you are wrestling with. It's ok to seek a little reward for yourself after raising kids and being married all those years. Do something for yourself that in the long run benefits all!