"I think homosexuality is unnatural, wrong, and immoral, but I have gay friends" wtf?

Question

How in the world do you have gay friends? I seriously think people are lying when they say this just to try and make it seem like they're not a hate mongerer.

Yes, it might be possible to separate your beliefs from the friendship, but I honestly couldn't have a friendship with someone who thought part of me was unnatural and wrong, ya know?

They must be some really high tolerance gay friends, cause I couldn't go do it. I need friends who accept and love me. All of me.

Could you really stay friends with someone who disagreed totally with a part of who you are, obviously not the whole thing, but still?

People, I'm gay. I'm obviously not against it. I wouldn't leave my friends for their sexuality.

If I had found out friends of mine were very vocally against homosexuality, then I would a problem with it and would confront them. I dunno if I would be there friends, but it would depend on the situation and perhaps when I'm in it.

OH MY GOODNESS PEOPLE :P

READ THE DETAILS! Geeze...I'm wondering how in the world someone can have this sick mentality and still have gay friends.

Answer 1

they are lying, it's just a way to sweeten their bitterness. they probably know the gay man who works in the local shop and that's it

Answer 2

Stealing,lying,cheating,dope pushing,domestic abuse, all these things are wrong and really not all that normal,yet we all know some folks that fit one of these categories, and yet they still hang around maybe because some are in our families one way or the other, yet we like some of them even love some of them regardless of our sexual preferences.

If we can put aside our beliefs for whatever the reasons, can't you start to understand that people can care about a person and still don't feel what they are doing is right, but can still honestly love that individual the same as they would do a person not involved in those actions? I went around the house with this answer, but what the point is that a person can care deeply about you, and still disagree with your life style ,and i know that for a fact, because that's the way I am!
Also many people took what you wrote in an opposite fashion, because when some people see the word"gay" their blinders go up. and they then see and hear what they think is written, not what is actually on the page(smile) I knew exactly what you were saying namely you didn't feel You could be real friends with a person that disagreed with your sexual preference, why some folks didn't get that.I'll never know!
For example JD another person that didn't get it, further down.
Hey JD and the others, the person that is asking this question is gay, did you know that?

Answer 3

I wonder about the "best friends" who dump their buds once they find out they're gay, or worse, beat them up. How much of a friend were they, ever?

As far as staying friends if you detest their lifestyle or orientation, I have a crush on a guy who smokes. I wish for all the world that he didn't, and had a hard time accepting that he did when I discovered him with a cigarette in his mouth, but I'm more attached to him than I am repelled by his smoking habit. I can accept that some adamant homophobes might want to remain friends with a gay person despite their feelings about homosexuality. It's a testament to the gay person, I think, when that's the case.

I question those who insist that they themselves are as straight as they come and detest the idea of being gay, "but there's this one guy....."

Answer 4

Me and my friend had a conversation about that a few weeks ago and I do agree, I couldn't be friends with someone who thought I would go to hell or thinks I'm a sin or something awful. They could be somewhat friends, but every time I would talk to them I'd feel awkward knowing they disagree with what I am. Some people I know at school believe it's unnatural and immorally wrong, but have gay friends..because their religions says it's wrong and immoral and a sin and they believe it, but yet have friends? It's a slap in the face.

Answer 5

You know, Garrett, I am in the same situation. I have a friend back home that I have considered my best friend growing up. She and I would always see each other when I go home to see my family. Growing up, she didn't know about my sexuality, and to be honest about it, neither did I (at the time). I knew I was different, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

After going through my coming out process (after realizing I was attracted to women, no matter how hard I tried not to be), I didn't say anything initially. We still hung out and did things together like shopping and going to the movies when I came in town.

She found out from me that I was gay (lesbian). She doesn't agree with it (with my being lesbian). She received an invitation from me, inviting her to my partner's and my commitment ceremony. She told me, " I will not be coming because I do not believe in same- sex relationships." Did it hurt me? Yes. Do I hate her? No. In spite of this, she has been there for me. She has been there for me when my brother died, when my first girlfriend did some really bad stuff to me and when my mother went into a nursing home with Alzheimer's . I was there for her when her parents died, when her relationships went bad and when she was going through a bad time emotionally.

In spite of this, we still remain friends. Is it easy? No. We both realize that there are some things that we just don't agree on. This is one of them. We respect each other's opinions on this. We also realize that this isn't all that we are. We love each other despite our differences and opinions. Don't get me wrong; I do understand what you are saying here. I personally don't want anyone to think who I choose to love is wrong. The fact remains that there are some people who do. I guess the saving grace to our relationship is she knew who I was before I came out and realized that that part hasn't changed.

Answer 6

I could do it, but it would be really hard on me and would make the friendship awkward if they knew that I'm gay. it'd make me feel uncomfortable around them, I already do when I hear them talk badly about gay people and that is what is keeping me from coming out. It kind of depends on your personality, do you think that someone who doesn't have a lot of friends, and the friends that they have think that being gay is unnatural, would stop being friends with them because they think that? I think it kind of comes down to confidence, because I think that someone who is usually insecure would be more tolerant to that. Oh well, it just sucks that some of the nicest people just happen to be like that =/

Answer 7

My best friend just divorced her husband of 12 years for some loser....she has stripped her children of their father, shoved them into daycare (at 6:30 am), because she "wasn't happy."

Mind you, I know for a fact their was no abuse or affairs going on. I think it is UNNATURAL, for a mother to put her own happiness in front of the well being of her children and their happiness.

I think she is totally WRONG for breaking her vows (I was standing 3 feet from her when she took them...it was till death do us part, not until I'm not happy)

I think her having an affair and sex with someone other than her husband is very IMMORAL.

While I could smack her (and would if I thought it would do a bit of good) I love her and she is my friend.

I have friends who are conservative republicans....(don't know why)....they totally disagree with much of who am I and what I believe, but we still love each other and are friends.

I see your point to a degree, but homosexuality is like any issue, I don't get "You must accept me, or you hate me and you are a hateful person..or a homophobe." That card is so overused.

I'm Catholic and I have several gay friends...more than usual because of my field and my education (social work).....I really don't care, I leave it up to God. I took God's name in vain today....

Answer 8

I actually agree with you Garrett because your friends, you're close ones at least, should share your values and not judge you and I choose not to be friends with people who are judgemental. In fact I recently found out that a female friend of mine was a racist and since then I've been distancing myself from her.

However, what i will say is that a lot of people who say things like that are speaking from a position of ignorance and given the opportunity to learn will come round to a different way of thinking.

Part of your job is to open their eyes and let them see that being gay isn't a lifestyle choice and that it's not unnatural, not wrong and not immoral. How can you do that if you won't go anywhere near them?

Answer 9

It's hard to tell, Garrett. On one hand, these people could be bowing to pressure from parents, colleagues, ministers, teachers, or others who are looked up to. They don't want to lose this support network - no matter how warped it is - so they spew the popular message.

It's a throw back to the old comment, "I don't mind gay people, I even know one or two." That statement always bothered me, because it was like here are my tokens or trophy friends and acquaintances.

The seeming haters are trying to keep friends on both sides of the fence. They sound like good ol' wishy washy Charlie Brown. Don't write them off yet, you may be the friend they need to recognize that gay people are normal people too.

Answer 10

Hello Garrett,

This happens more than you would think. People in all walks of life and from every generation as far back as there have been civilizations have had a double standard by which they live.

People have been educated and trained by family, friends social morals, religions indoctrinations, and buy all the interactions around them while growing up. They accept some of their teachings and not others. Some people become blinded by those teachings and become zealots in their causes. Others look at and analyze what they learn and develop their own standards of conduct. Others just don't care and go along with the bulk of society and live their mundane lives.

Your reaction to your initial statement of "WTF!?" made me smile because you obviously recently had an encounter that just blew you away. Your additional reaction is one of incredulity that people can be that way. I have over the years found that people in general do not like to hate, yet are trained from birth, to dislike at the least what they do not understand. Yet in the very same breath they feel uncertain that their dislike is not justified when speaking with specific persons. So the duality of their statements are really understandable..

The lyrics to a song below shows how our society deals with differences from one generation to the next. It is a sad comentary on our society. And yet, we are changing, ever so slowly, and becoming more accepting. The second song is one I have always like that shows our changing society.

I hope this finds you more accepting of those around you and can help you understand that some people can only accept parts of people and only love a few.

Have a good day Garrett

South Pacific Musical "You've got to be carefully taught"

You've got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You've got to be taught
From year to year,
It's got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a different shade,
You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught before it's too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You've got to be carefully taught!

Somewhere -- Barbra Streisand
From West Side Story musical

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wK3lRZSEa4o

Someday, somewhere
We’ll find a new way of living
We’ll find a way of forgiving
Somewhere...
Theres a place for us
Somewhere a place for us
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere
There’s a time for us
Someday there’ll time for us
Time together with time to spare
Time to learn and a time to care
Someday, somewhere
We’ll find a new way of living
We’ll find theres a way of forgiving
Somewhere... somewhere... somewhere...
Theres a place for us
A time and a place for us
Hold my hand and were half way there
Hold my hand and I’ll take you there
Somehow...
Someday, Somewhere...

(Theres a place for us
A time and a place for us)
Hold my hand and were half way there
Just Hold my hand and I’ll take you there
Somehow...
Someday, somewhere...

Answer 11

NO, it should not matter of sexuality but the type of person you are. if you are a good person and a good friend than being gay should not matter. in my opinion my sexuality, is part of my personility all of my friends are the same way that is just whom they are, it makes you the preson you become. So no i do not think it is possible to seperate your beliefs from your friendship. you have the right idea by saying "They must be some really high tolerance gay friends, cause I couldn't go do it. I need friends who accept and love me. All of me." i am the same way all of me or none of me! you need better friends,