How do u get ur spouse to value u?

Question

My husband used to adore me before, but he no longer values me, says wtever I do is my duty and job but wtever he does is an act of generosity over me and i should be grateful for it.
He wants me to compromise on every level and but doesnt want to compromise himself at all. he refuses to forgive and forget

Pls dont suggest tht i leave him and move on, i need to get his head straight .....so realistic ans pls....

Answer 1

I would start not doing the things he sees as your "job" I know when I left for a weekend and had My husband watch the kids and do the cleaning he sure learned how hard my job was. Sure I came back to a trashed house, but he learned how hard it was to watch the kids AND clean up at the same time. Another thing you could do is simply "get off work" after 8 hours. Hey he only has to work 8 hour days right? After a certain time you are off duty.

But really you need to tell him how you feel and remind him all the time off he has and how your work is a 24/7 kind of deal.

Answer 2

Hunny, the only person not being realistic is you, you can't make a person change something happened and he changed his mind about you and your relationship, you need to sit and talk but with what you have said I don't think its going to help. When you say he refuses to forgive and forget did you do something bad? And if you did then he isn't able to forgive you for it. So you will either have to bear it, or get out. Sorry......

Answer 3

when did it begin to be this way? what happened to change things? i think some unresolved thing he hasn't worked out. your right about him not valuing u, if he did he would treat u differently. just ask him, find a good time when u can sit down and communicate how u feel, but do it in a kind way not accusing him or pointing the finger, just how u feel about it, tell him u want it to be like it use to be and ask him how it can be. at least he will know u are sincere. have u considered christian counseling, have u considered bringing god into it and asking him to guide u.

Answer 4

Simple, I won't tell you to leave him. But you do need to get out of the house for a while. My mom went to vacation for a month. So it is just me and my sis at home. The dish is high, garabe aren't being throw out, clothes aren't being wash. and so on.
Now we are talking about the importance of my mom.
Kind of a house keeper right. A maid. A slave.
But once my mom went to vacation for a month, we learn. I understand my mom work and fighting with my sis alot this day. Come on, holiday is coming, but hell no am i staying home. So make a mess and don't do it and leave. He will learn in a month when things aren't being done.

Answer 5

You will never "get his head straight" wake up to reality., This guy is a control freak, he has you where he wants you and you are falling conveniently into his trap by becoming "the victim". Already you are saying "please don't suggest I leave him and move on" he has you completely in his control. Instead of speaking to him about your issues you are asking strangers! It is a very difficult concept to accept but sometimes those that profess to love us really only want to be "in control". They are soooo lacking in self confidence and self esteem that only by controlling the object of their love can they feel justified. Nothing will ever satisfy this man, until he has you as his abject slave. You will lose your personality, you will become a "non- person" your every breath will be dictated to by this man. Is this the action of someone who says he loves you? Those who truly love you set you free, they do not make you a prisoner. Leave and leave now, this is not love, it is one warped individuals idea of what it means. Do not make it yours!

Answer 6

Speaking as a psychotherapist and marriage counselor, try these great articles:

Basic Communication Tips That Can Save Your Marriage:
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-basic-communication-tips.html

Learning How To Listen To Your Partner
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-learning-how-to-listen.html

If talking doesn't work, why would you stay with a partner who doesn't value you?

Answer 7

There's only one way to get ANYBODY to value you, and that is to act like a valuable person! Take care of yourself, treat yourself well, be able to stand on your own two feet as far as self-esteem, and others (including your spouse) will get the picture unless they're total idiots. If that's the case, there's NOTHING you can do; the only person you can ever change is yourself.

Answer 8

The first thing you have to ask yourself is "Do I value him as much as I want him to value me?" If the answer is yes, then you need to ask yourself if you're showing him how much you value and appreciate him.

If not, maybe that's a clue. Someone can only give and give and give so long. You talk about how he's so generous and loving to you....but what have you done to show him you value him?

Answer 9

OK, if you really love him, then fight for him. Make him feel like HE is the most wonderful person and the MOst important person in your life. Work on the way you speak to him, make it a soft voice, kind words, use terms of endearments, be affectionate with him (lightly caress him, give him hugs and kisses, give him access to you 24/7, you take the initiative), dress more sexy, if he wants to watch football, (make some snacks and sit down and watch with him, ask a couple of questions, have fun with it). I love football. turn on the radio and slow dance with him. Make romantic dinners to seduce him. Tell him how appreciative you are for ____, _____, ____ etc...specially when you didn't ask him to do it, he just did it. email me for more. Good luck. (Happy Thanksgiving) for Thanksgiving, tell him just how thakful you are to have him as your husband...make a list...

Been with my guy for 20 years, plenty of experience here, plenty of love and sex too.

Answer 10

He has lost respect for you, plain and simple.

So, you need to find out why. Surely he has given you complaints about whatever it was that was causing him to lose respect for you? This didn't just happen out of the blue.

So sit him down and have a nice long talk with him, and for your part, LISTEN to him. Find out why he has lost respect for you if you really don't know why.