What should I do about "family gathering" conflicts with my husband?

Question

I am from a very close family....hubby is not. My husband and I alternate family functions each year. I get Thanksgiving this year and he gets Christmas. This year my family is getting all the extended family together for Thanksgiving (aunts, uncles, cousins/kids, grandparents, great grandparents). This is approx 25 people (4 generations) in 4 different houses and some of us have to travel. I warned my husband prior to marriage that I am very close to my family and that I am used to spending a lot of time with them and he assured me he understood. Now that we're married, he never has time to deal with the travel/stress of family functions and I rarely get to see my extended family. For some it's been 3+ years. He is already complaining about how miserable TG is going to be and saying it's MY JOB to make it comfortable for him. I offered to stay in a hotel, but he's too cheap. He seems to think I can somehow "control" 20 other people and have everything to his way. What can I do?

Answer 1

my husband and i live three hours from both our parents, a state away from his extended family and two states away from mine. t he last time he visited my family with me was three years ago. there was major drama and he hasn't wanted to go back since. however, they are throwing us a wedding shower in december, so he's obligated to go. we are like the two of you: i'm very family-oriented, he is not. he's learned to deal with the fact that i must see my parents at the VERY LEAST once a month, and i talk to my mom every day. i put my foot down about visiting, though, in a nice way, of course; but he saw that i was serious, and he's respecting my family and me, realizing that family is important to us. sometimes, i have just plain gone without him. i went home to texas last year without him, too. that's one suggestion.
but, i know you want him to be with everyone and it gets lonely without having him there. is he so resistant to see his own family during christmas? if not, then tell him that you graciously deal with his relatives, so he should do the same for you. and tell him there's no way you can control everyone, and it's unfair for him to expect it. but you can do little things, like make sure his favorite food or beverage is served. maybe give him an incentive to go and be cordial - maybe an extra special christmas gift.
another option is to just tell him to get over himself. he's not all important, and your family has to put up with him just as much as he has to put up with them. bottom line is, he's being selfish and immature. he's an adult and he has family obligations. he needs to get over it.

Answer 2

Fact of the matter is that he simply doesn't know what it's like to have that kind of relationship with family members. To you it's the way it should be and a normal way of life, but to him he doesn't see the big deal even though he could be somewhat resentful that you have your family and he doesn't have his. I knew a person like that. He always talked about how close he wish his family was but there's always been conflict whenever he and his family would get together. I to have a close relationship with my family and all I can say is that it's hard for someone like him to understand your need to be with your family when he could careless about being around his... He just doesn't get it (Really)!
He's also being selfish and he's using the "I'm your husband and I should come first card". The problem you have is that "He is your husband" and in order to keep the peace with in your household, you're going to have to find a way to make it work because he does come first (I know, it sucks). You're family gathering may be a constant reminder of what he wishes he had with his family, so do what you can to make him feel as comfortable as you can. If you have brothers or even your dad. Try having them call your husband (very casually, cause you don't want it to appear obvious) to tell him how glad they are to know he' s coming or how they look forward to seeing him because they have a lot of fun things planned and this may make him realize that he can make your family the family he wishes he had. (certainly not over night)
Whatever you do, don't let on to him that you've put anybody up to doing this (if you do), because it won't feel genuine and it'll give him another reason or excuse to feeling the way he does. Also, don't get angry even though I know it's frustrating, but your anger will only make him shut down and his decision may be final.
Hope I gave you some idea's.

Answer 3

Your husband is entitled to his comments, yet needs to get off his cranky previous church-lady severe-horse. those different all human beings is none of his subject. permit you already know husband that those peoples' matters and hangups are actually not his, so he needs to end passing judgement and permit those human beings do what they are going to do... as long because it would not entail messing alongside with your husband. So what in the journey that your sister married a mooch? She has to submit with it. You and your husband do not, or a minimum of shouldn't, whether the lout confirmed up in the doorstep searching for a handout. in the journey that your mom and dad % to subsidize your sister and her puppy leach, it quite is their very own subject. you have your guy or woman enjoyed ones and you run it your way. In existence, you could be very choosy approximately what you opt to combat approximately. No element in squandering your skill needlessly.

Answer 4

Leave his selfish @ss at home.
DO NOT let your life revolve around his needs and wants all the time. You will regret it. Your family is important. Do not let him take your time away from them. You may end up resenting him for it.
My X never wanted to spend time with my family...so I gave in a lot to him. In 2004 he, once again, didn't want to go to a family function. I fortunately went anyway. It was the last time that I got to see my Granny, she passed away unexpectedly 2 months later. The woman who helped raise me. I adore my Granny, miss her dearly. We all do, but I feel horrible that I didn't spend as much time with her as I should have, because he always had to have his way. We are divorced now.

Answer 5

I tell you what you have your family and he has his if he does not want to attend family gatherings with your family than you go and have a good time. you both agreed to share hoildays between families and know you dont have to make everything comfortable if he is not comfortable than its his fault not yours your husband is selfess and wants things his way but that is up to you.

Your choice not mines best of luck

Answer 6

Tell him that you don't want to hear another word of complaint and you expect him to be pleasant and to at least pretend to have a good time. It's all in his attitude, and his attitude is horrible. Tell him that he's being manipulative and whiney, and you REFUSE to let him ruin one measly vacation out of the entire year. Tell him that his behavior is like 'punishing' you and it's immature and ridiculous. Call him out on his poor behavior and tell him he needs to grow up.

You don't have to whine or nag or cry. Be calm and tell him simply that his behavior is very disappointing.

Answer 7

spend thanksgiving and Christmas with your family!! It is not your job to make it comfortable for him and if he is uncomfortable he should stay home and not impose on your holiday. He sounds like a real jerk!!

Answer 8

your best bet, go without him!! ha ha..
but if you must take him, just plainly explain to him that you cannot control them, and if he doesnt wanna spent the money for a hotel, then suck it up and deal with it! he sounds like if he goes, he will make you (and the others) miserable too!