Im wondering if im being selfish?

Question

my husband and i had been together for three years total and where good friends before then . Then I married him about a year ago he is 22 and i am 28 when we got together i had my tubes tied he begged me to untie them and have a baby with him so i did. I was his world and he lead me to believe the baby would be also. But now that the baby is here he still wants to run like we have no responsibility I am a stay at home mom and i have no time to myself at all no friends or anything i dont go anywhere without my husband . But him on the other hand still acts like he is single and free not by cheating or anything but by always wanting to leave me at home with the baby to do what he wants and when i mention me going somewhere and him staying at home with the baby he gets mad its like he dont think he should do this because he works or because he is a man and i am a women and its my job . So my main question is am I selfish because he seems to think so.

Answer 1

Honey, that is what happens when you marry an immature brat!

Put your foot down and he will not like it, but you are married, and put your foot down and really lay down the law and tell him to stop acting like the child he is and to "grow up" and if he throws a hissy fit, and whines, and throws a tantrum, then put him in his room for a "time out" and if that does not work, then counseling!

Answer 2

He's actually being rather selfish. Put your foot down and insist he have some bonding time with his baby. If he feels he can't, then just take the baby with you and go and join a play date group for the baby and you will have other parents to interact with so your brain get's something more stimulating to talk about other than dirty diapers and spitting up.
Seriously, in your shoes, I'd have those tubes tied again to keep him from using the idea of having a baby to tie you to the house again. Then find a reliable person who can sit for you. Then go get a job. I've seen nothing good come from being married to a man like the one you married. I know it inside and out because it is the exact way my late hubby treated me. Only it took me three kids to figure out he wanted his Mommy not a wife. He liked the being called daddy but none of the work involved with cooking, cleaning, changing the kids, homework, extracurricular activities at the schools. Parent teacher conferances. I came down with pnumonia so bad that I nearly died and was int he hospital for a week and he had to have his mom come over because he couldn't bear to change a dirty diaper.
We separated and went right back to being the friends the we were before getting married.
I do hope that he sees that you eventually need a break and comes around. But, I wouldn't count on it. I do wish you luck.

Answer 3

He is the one who is selfish but you may never get him to stay home with the baby so perhaps try to get a sitter so you can do things together. get a stroller and if you want to do things like shopping or even join a bowling league to make some friends and take the baby with you. If you live near your parents, see if your mother can watch the baby during the day and see about getting a job of your own because this guy ifs very immature and unless he grows up you may end up divorced and need the training for a job to support yourself.

Answer 4

Hire a babysitter and go out... if doesn't want to stay with the baby get someone else to do it! You are not selfish from what you are describing... Everybody needs some time away!
But I would definetively explain that to him - tell him you are planning an afternoon or a night away and then give him the option of watching the baby or getting a baby sitter... Sounds like he is insecure - so sometimes you just have to show him how serious you are...

Answer 5

They did a study and they found that if they paid individuals to do all the things that a stay at home moms do; the salary came to over $150,00 a year. Moms deserve their time just as much as dads do regardless of who works outside of the home. If he doesn't like that, then you tell him you want a salary for the work that you do. I'd say you should at least ask for $400 a week. That is much less than it would cost to hire someone to do what you do, so he's getting a great deal! Or he can step up and be the dad he wanted to be and help out.

Answer 6

He wanted you to have your tubes undone,, he is the one that has to realize kids come with alot of responsibility,,, I don 't believe in men just spurning kids and then letting the woman take care of them etc.. he helped conceive and HE needs to grow up. NO you aren't being selfish. Please don't even think so. I was in the same situation and i kicked his a** to the curb, unfortunately it took me 12 yrs. Don't be on the back burner for anyone. You are older and i think therefore you have the upper hand ( i don't mean it to sound childish or like i am disrespecting anyone ) Dear let him know how you feel and if he doesn't change i would tell him to pack what he has and go... I hope i helped some and good luck

Answer 7

Well, it's easier for him to believe that YOU are selfish than for him to believe that HE is irresponsible.

But he is just 22; a baby himself. I'm afraid it is going to take a lot of growing up for him to realize just how responsible he is and, unfortunately, he might not.

So, that means you need to take matters into your own hands and do what is best for you and baby. That doesn't necessarily mean leave him--but it does mean that you need to sit down and really think about the needs of your family and how you're going to fulfill them.

But you're not being selfish--you're dealing with the same issues that most modern mothers deal with--husbands who have no idea how to be responsible and take part in family care. You need to help him learn and if he doesn't want to learn, then perhaps it's time for him to go.....

Answer 8

I don't think it's selfish at all for you to need to go off by yourself every once in awhile. Your situation is the same as most women--somehow certain responsibilities just fall under our jurisdiction. It's not fair, I know. Do you have any family members who would be able to watch the baby for you? I know you said you have no friends right now. Is there any way that you could increase the number of friends that you have by joining Mommy and Me activities in your area? Because you do need to get away and you'll want to find a reliable babysitter that you can trust with your child. However, that wno't happen immediately, but at least there is apromise of you getting out there one day!

Best of luck to you. I know it's going to be hard for awhile, but it will get better.

Answer 9

Now that is the pot calling the kettle black...your husband is the selfish one....You need some time away from the baby as well....I am so sorry you are married to a selfish pig who only thinks of himself....and wants to still live the life of a single guy....Demand that he stop treating you this way....and to man up and be the husband and father that he promised to be when he married you...and if he refuses...Find a way to get out of the marriage....You will be better off without him....

Answer 10

I think that HE is the one being selfish. Who cares if he works? you get no time to yourself and had the baby b/c it was something that he really wanted? this is very common after the baby comes. I understand he needs alone time too b/c he does work, but taking care of a baby and having no social life with adults can make a woman depressed in no time. He better open his eyes before you have enough of his selfishness.

Answer 11

No. You need time for yourself. He is being selfish. If there is someone else you can trust to watch the baby, you may want to use any time they offer to babysit. He sounds like he wants to keep you locked away. Don't give him that control. Join a local mom support group. Look around on the bulletin board at the library or something. Don't let youself become isolated. You need a support group.