If all gay people are born that way, why do a lot of them marry and have kids?

Question

I have nothing against gay people, and think everyone should be entitled to sleep with whoever they want. But why marry and procreate if you know from puberty (or birth) that you are gay? I understand the taboos of society (at least back in the day) but is that really the only reason?

Answer 1

People are all very different, and their sexuality is no exception. Whilst there are people who are probably exclusively gay or straight, there are also people who have varying degrees of bisexuality. So, I assume that many that you refer to have some element of this.

Otherwise, experience shows that it can take many years for people to understand their sexuality, influenced by society's pressures etc, as others have mentioned. Whilst you know whether you're left or right handed, sexuality is something that can be suppressed, or may not raise itself clearly to consciousness until the appropriate time.

As a Psychologist I see this and many other issues that affect people, and we generally don't see what we don't want to see. If we're not comfortable with something, we suppress it. I think things will improve in the future, now that there's more openness towards gay people. And the jury is still out on how sexuality is formed for gay and other people. It appears to be very early on in life, probably from birth, but we experts still have not identified the precise mechanics of it - there are tons of theories, and DNA research, but we're not there yet.

But, I guess the simple answer that people follow a path that is not of their own real preference, is down to external influence upon them: from birth onwards, by their family, peers, society etc. It's a pity, because they're not truly satisfied, and it leaves problems in its path for others too.

Hope these thoughts help. Good luck! Rob

Answer 2

Well, sometimes one may know, or think they might be gay, but the way the world is/was makes or made it impossible just to be free and comfortable about being gay, so they marry and have children, then when they are older and much more comfortable they make the move to come out of the damn closet. This is not always easy!!
I did just this thing, I married and had two kids, but after 10 years of marriage and being miserable for most of the 10 years, I tossed in the towel, got a divorce, kept my girls because I am crazy about them, got into therapy, and then came out to my family...
Just a footnote.. my family went balistic - denounced me as a unfit mother and had my children removed from my care..
See what I mean.. not always easy

Answer 3

because we get fed a bunch of crap starting at birth about any sexuality that isn't the most common "straight" sexuality... and as a kid you are naive enough to think you can simply ignore it, go through the steps and it will go away... think of how many heterosexual adults still believe this... so when you're working with no maturity and no experience it's the easiest "way out" to begin hiding and burying those thoughts so that you wont get put down or made fun of... who wants to be a disappointment or a swear word or go to hell?... Once you're old enough and mature enough to realize that God definitely made you who you are.. and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.. a lot of people come out... but many others stay in a Luke warm marriage because they've grown to love the person they're married to and weaved a complicated web of lies that seem just too big to unravel without hurting most of the people you've come to love... that's why there's SO many "married with kids" gay guys crawling around after dark looking for a "hook-up" on the down-low... it's 100% our society's fault that that problem even exists...

Answer 4

No IF's about it. Gays were definitely born that way. But you will never understand it unless you experience it. In growing up you have vague ideas that you are that way probably as early as middle school. The ideas get stronger or more convincing in high school. At some point in your development you finally realize and accept the fact that you are gay. Your response is going to be different depending upon the person.

After I accepted my sexuality, I always thought that I would probably change once I got married, since marriage and a family is what I wanted in life. So I got married and now I have a family. But living this life is not easy. To be true to your wife and family you have to suppress those gay thoughts, or at least not act upon them. And that's what I do.

Because I am very masculine, no one suspects me of being gay. And I suppose that's the way it is with a lot of gay guys. But in one way I know that I'm more fortunate that most of them because of my masculinity. The ones who are even the least bit effeminate suffer a life of ridicule and discrimination.

I keep up with the news about gays on The Advocate online edition. I empathize with them completely. When my state had its referendum on whether to allow same sex marriage, I voted for it of course. But I was surprised to see that the election results in this, one of the "red neck" Bible belt states,
that over 25% voted FOR it.

Answer 5

Some gay people will choose to stay in the closet. This could be for a number of reasons, so for example, if the person is very religious and is afraid to come out as gay, they'll choose to get married and have children.
Another example is someone who is out and gay, but wants to live a traditional hetero lifestyle. I had manager once who was gay and he was married to a lesbian and they have kids together.

Answer 6

Denial is a VERY powerful thing.

The taboo in society is still very strong. People hold on to the "American Apple Pie-Family" type dream and if they don't fit in it, they feel like they let people down or whatever.

In the end they don't be themselves because they are too worried what other people will think. It's one of the most powerful and sad reasons of all!

Answer 7

Well I am gay but I did get married to a male and stayed with him for 5 years but my family is very homophobic. I was afraid of what would happen if I came out.....so I decided to try and live a "normal" life or what my family considered normal. That is why I did it I cannot speak for others but i would think that their situation is probably the same.

Answer 8

I'm a lesbian and I thought it as a choice for the longest time, so I did my best to stay away from it.

After three years of trying to chose to be straight, and three suicide attempts later, I finally realized it was not a choice.

Society can brainwash you, and negative reinforcement lead me to believe it was a choice. Don't get me wrong -- I do believe that some people DO choose to be homosexual -- but I do not believe this group of people is significant in numbers.

So, that is my experience. It wasn't marriage but it was damn close. I learned a lot about myself from it.

Answer 9

Guess what, honey... even adults have peer pressure... its called society's expectations... religion's expectations... family's expectations.

Gay men and women DO NOT marry and have children just to have reproduced and then divorce and ruin lives. When they marry and have children they are sometimes in denial and sometimes they are really really really trying to do what's expected of them. Most of the time that just doesnt work out.

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Answer 10

i am a lesbian...i don't think i was born that way..nor did i up and say i want to like women..i am just this way....but alot of people grow in households that don't approve of them being gay..some going as far as kicking there child out or sending them to camps to "get straight" I'm sure you did not think everyone is just OK with gay people...millions of people are gay but less then half of those people will never come out, get killed for coming out, pretend to be straight ( for there parents or religion) or just Deni they even feel that way...it's sad but truth