What would you do if your spouse compared you to your best friend?

Question

My best friend is beautiful, thin, & always looks put together. I'm a size 4, so it's not like I'm huge by any means, but it hurts my feelings that he will say I'm fat when we are fighting & tell me I need to lose weight. Every now & then, he will make comments like, "Why can't you be like her?" or "She always looks good, why can't you?" I may not be as thin as I used to be after having 2 kids, but what gives. Isn't this hitting below the belt or am I overreacting (as he says)?

Answer 1

He is hitting below the belt. Wearing a size four you do not need to lose weight. He is being a petty and hateful man. He is also immature saying these mean things to you when you argue. He is verbally abusing you. Do your kids witness this? Before you answer this, they hear things that you think they do not hear. I might ask them. My kids were telling their cousin once about something that we had talked about when we went off alone and talked about it. We did not know that they always heard. That is what they told me when I asked them about it. I could not tolerate this. Of course she always looks good. He only sees her when she has gotten ready to go out. He does not see her when she is scrubbing the toilet, taking care of a sick child, in the morning after a short night or on a day when everything went wrong and you she had not be able to shower yet. Can you live like this for the rest of your life? I could not. It will be hard to be happy with him. This is not how a man is suppose to treat his wife. I cannot believe that he has the gall to say this to you. If I were you I would find a man that loves me for me and does not wish that I were someone else. You deserve better than him. Good luck.

Answer 2

It is hitting below the belt. His use of such words in an argument is indefensible. However, he obviously is having some issues with communication and would like to see a thinner you.

I think it awful he would use such words. But also, there is some underlying words that is him asking you (in a very rude way) to be healthy.

Try using this to your advantage. Is there something he can change? Maybe if you offer to lose a little weight he can too. Or he can get you that new sofa or something else you have been wanting. Make it something that will ultimately make you happier. Who knows? Maybe he will get politer and more interested.

I would also spell out that you feel his way of delivering his concerns with you are hurting your feelings and ask him if he can discuss things more rationally.

Answer 3

My husband compares me to my best friend sometimes but only in a bad way... when I'm acting insecure or jealous.

I would NEVER tolerate that from my husband, not the comparing part. I'm 7 months pregnant & my husband called me fat a few weeks ago during an argument and I'm still bothered by it. I refuse to let him see me naked until this baby is born. How sad is that?
I would also wonder is Sweet has a point w/ her answer.
The longer this goes on, the worse your self-esteem will get. You deserve much better hun.

Answer 4

No mam, you are not over reacting, and you need to both come to an understanding... Go to him directly, not during or after a fight, and let him know that when he references you to your bf, that hurts and tell him exactly how you feel when he makes those comments... Now after that, if he continues, then "GO UPSIDE HIS HEAD" with a skillet and maybe that will knock some sense into his obnoxious a**...

By the way- girl you are not "fat" at all... Size four, hell I think I was a size four at BIRTH... lol... have a happy turkey day!
Good luck...

Answer 5

size 4 still is beautiful and thin if you ask me, and since when did you have to try and keep up with anyone?i have had two kids myself and im sure that if was to be a size 4 (which i never have been, i am a short person but still about 50kg)
i would be stoked. Btw there would be plenty of men out there who think your a super yummy mummy ... maybe you should bring one home :) im sure they would appreciate you for what you are not what your freinds are.

Answer 6

How rude! That's not right for him to say, not even if there is an argument. Those comments are uncalled for and should not be told to someone that he promised to love and respect for the rest of his life and is the mother if his 2 kids. You should have a talk with him and really find out what is going on in his head. He is not respecting you as his wife.

Answer 7

I am in the same situation except I am the friend & I hate it. I am friends with a married couple and I have heard that he compares my best friend (his wife) to me and I don't know how to stop it. I know how much it upsets her but he for some reason doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with it. It makes me feel very uncomfortable too especially when she tells me about it and I see how upset she is.

She has tried talking to him about it a couple of times and they end up fighting. I think he finally got the finally got the point and quit.

Answer 8

I think that in some way he is admitting he likes your friend. Men are weird, if you looked good then he will make comments as well. I would just tell him to stop being abusive. That is considered to be verbal abuse. And just FYI try to not have your friend over as much.

Answer 9

In my 24 years of marriage I have never, ever suggested or TOLD my wife to lose weight.

Your husband is a moron madam. In the meantime stop snivelling about this. When he walks in the room lift your leg as high as it will go and plant your foot square into his nuts.

Hmm...he should have stayed clear of you while you were doing your leg excercise to LOSE WEIGHT.

Maybe then he'll get the picture. Hmmmmmmmmm?

Answer 10

He is a jerk. Unless you are like 2 feet tall, there is NO way a size 4 is fat. He does it because he knows it gets to you. Either dump him or stop reacting to it and he will stop saying it.