i really like her. we get along well. she has been through alot. she was with the same guy from 14 to 26. since then they have split. they have 3 kids. she started dating. its been about a year since. it seems like almost every weekend she calls with someone new she has slept with. i dont know what to say. dont want to be rude to her. but i have told her that she wont find anyone by doing that and she needs to hold off for a while when she first meets someone. she hasnt taken my advice and i dont know what else to tell her. shes being used and wont even admit it. she acts like shes the player when she really isnt...what should i do???
2007-11-16 07:43:15 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i know that it bothers my bf when she calls and tells me about her nights with other men.
2007-11-16 08:08:43 · update #1
If you are truly her friend, then you need to be honest with her and let her know that what she is doing is only hurting herself. She does what she does because she has low self esteem. She believes that sex is all that she has to offer.
Let her know that it isn't so.
Let her know that if she keeps doing this, you will not be around for her to brag to about it. Sometimes we have to move on from the friends that are negative to find new positive friends.
2007-11-16 07:50:54 · answer #1 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is nothing that you can do. You have already told her how you feel. Be there for her when she needs you. She might be living it up like most people do when they are teenagers. She was tied down at an early age and she is making up for lost time. She might not be looking for a steady man, she might only want to have a good time for now. Maybe that is why she thinks she is a player, she might be being one. If that is what she wants I can see why she does not think that she is being used. They are using each other. Is she protecting herself? Is she going home with strange men. I would tell her how dangerous this is and what could happen to her. She will tire of this soon, for now just be her friend.
2007-11-16 07:53:35 · answer #2 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am guessing she really doesn't want to find anyone right now and she is just having fun. As long as she is being safe and not bringing all these men around her children then you really shouldn't do anything. It has been since she was 14 that she has been single, she is trying to learn how to live. I went through something similiar to this after being with my son's father for 8 years, but never when my son was around. Finally I just got tired of it and I met the right guy and I am now married.
2007-11-16 07:51:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She just broke up with her long term BF and well since she was with him at such a yoiung age until know she is well enjoying her twenties. Really stay out of her business even if she is being a bit irresponsible with having 3 kids and all. it is none of your business how many guys she sleeps with. Have you ever thought maybe she is not looking for another guy to settle down with?. She is having some fun leave her alone if she is happy then why make her upset.
2007-11-16 08:26:57 · answer #4 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make her change her ways or act differently. All you can do is be there and support her. Maybe she's in control of the situation and isn't looking for a serious relationship. Sometimes a good romp in the hay is all we're lookin for.
Don't judge... don't give her lectures. Just listen to her stories and be a friend. As long as the children aren't in danger there's nothing to worry about I'm sure.
2007-11-16 07:48:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her exactly what you think. What about the kids, how do they feel about their mum doing what she is doing? What about all these diseases we get now from sex, it is not worth it and she doesn't want an unplanned pregnancy.
To me she sounds like she has to get rid of her old world and party in the new. She will get sick of it soon cause she hasn't got a long term goal/relationship and she might end up lonely. I don't even think she likes getting older and that might be a reason she is doing this, trying to act young. It is ridiculous when you see a 30 year old acting like a 18 year old. She will end up with a name if she is not careful and then all of a sudden, she has no-one.
Did this make sense?
2007-11-16 07:52:20 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Angel 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Off the top of my head, I think she's doing this for two reasons.
Like Ann-Margaret sang it, "She's got a lotta livin' to do." She's been with the same man for twelve years. The beginning of their relationship was early enough that she didn't have the chance to date or have relationships with other guys. She's kind of making up for lost time.
The other reason is that she probably knows what you're saying about not finding one, but any kind of relationship or commitment is not what she wants right now.
I don't think it's right, but there's not just a whole lot you can do. She's an adult, and you can't make up her mind for her.
Just remind, and make her promise, that she will always protect herself, and that she protects her children's innocence by not letting them know about her sexual escapades.
Hopefully, this will pass before long.
2007-11-16 08:07:15 · answer #7 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't really say without knowing all the details of the situation but it sounds like she just wants to be desired...it might be that the old relationship left her feeling unattractive and now she's trying to boost her self esteem with all the attention she's getting. You can't really make her stop but keep trying to tell her how concerned about her well being you are. Be a good friend and stay supportive. good luck to you both!
2007-11-16 07:47:36 · answer #8 · answered by Katie T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when a friend won't listen to your advise, when you see them running from reality, I think you need to just keep on keepin on... Let her know how you feel about her not only trashing herself, but her kids too. So many people these days screw around with anybody just cause they are lonely or lost in their emotions, I guess they feel excepted or something; when in reality they are hurting inside. Keep on telling her she is wrong, if she keeps it up then walk away from her and tell her why you are doing so. Let her know that you won't just stand by while she makes trash out her life and her kids lives too. Good luck!
2007-11-16 07:51:50 · answer #9 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's not much you can do. If you seem too judgemental, it's just going to push her away. You should definately listen but not encourage her behavior; when she's acting like a player she's hoping you will approve or be impressed so that she feels better about waht's happening. remind her of her duties to her children and tell her she deserves better than that. then maybe fix her up with a decent guy you know!
2007-11-16 07:47:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to sound like a typical guy, but maybe she really is playing the field and enjoying herself. Theres nothing wrong with it as long as she's being safe about it. Being with somebody that long isn't easy, but she's had the same old cheeseburger for all those years, and she enjoying the rest of the menu for awhile
2007-11-16 07:48:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋