Just filed seperation from my Husband for 2 years. We were together for 6 before we got married. I love him a lot, but he was mentally abusive always telling me I was attractive enough, and he was always checking out other girls. he completely demoralized me on many levels. He even had internet and phone flings. To top all that off his family was a royal pain in the ***...constant interference and nagging. There a family of liars, and his own father cheated on his mother. He said he never wanted to be like him, but I truly believe he has. I feel I can't get over this I am grieving and my tears won't stop. Some morning's I will wake up happy and ready to go...other's Ill feel like my life is totally shitless and pointless. Why am I crying for someone who treated me so bad? If there life after a divorce...is there life after total heart break? Please some suggestions on how to move on...or what to do. I need some help! There is no shot at getting back...help???
2007-11-16 07:41:22 · 15 answers · asked by Confused4life 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NOT ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH
2007-11-16 07:41:45 · update #1
You feel so because though he mentally tortured abused you you loved him it takes sometime to get over someone you love.
Second you feel scared since though mentally tortured abused he was your partner companion best friend you thought for life
Thirdly your tired stressed in pain emotions running high
Fourth it will take time healing to get over being abused
2007-11-16 07:57:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from experience, I was with someone abusive for 10 years to many. However I have 2 beautiful children now grown. I divorced him 20 some years ago. The sooner you get into counseling the better off you will be. That is truly your 1st step to recovery. Pick a councilor that you are comfortable with. 2ND there is life after divorce and it make take a while for you to be interested in anyone because of what he has done to your self esteem. You also may be hurt by his family, but don't make the mistake of that being excuses for him being like he is. You are out--look forward--don't look back. When you have journal everything you can think of, things he said, things he has done, what his family said and done. Then and only then every time something pops in your mind about that whole nightmare go do something to pamper yourself. Take along bubble bath, drink a small glass of wine, get nails done etc. Your family or Friends can be a great support group. But it take TIIIIIIIIme and you will heal. This I know!!!!
Oh and by the way I have never been in a abusive relationship since. You will now know you don't have to put up with that s@#t
2007-11-16 08:19:08 · answer #2 · answered by dd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a relationship ends, there is a grieving period for both persons, no matter who ended it or how destructive it was. The grief is for the loss of what might have been; what you wanted the relationship to be; and the feeling of failure in being able to have a successful marriage.
There is life after divorce but it may come slowly and painfully. The tears are very healing. One thing that will help you is to be honest in remembering how disrespectfully you were treated. Remember WHY the marriage failed. Then refuse to rush into another relationship just because you feel alone, lonely and needy. Take time to heal and be "picky" about future relationships. Keep busy; plan fun time as well as work time. Eat sensibly; get enough sleep; get exercise and fresh air. Little by little, you will begin to enjoy your life again. Stay strong!
2007-11-16 08:13:27 · answer #3 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, my heart goes out to you. There is a group called Against Abuse they help women mostly but they teach you how to love yourself again, just the way you are. How to make barriers that no one is allowed to break and how the learn to know that you are an important person in this world, and yes there is life after heartbreak, and you must give yourself time to grieve that is normal, 8 years together is a long time, and you shouldn't want him back in your life, you need and deserve more. Here is a small thing you can do for yourself, bubbles and lots of them, hot water and one hour fill that tub to the top sit and think just about you and what you what, and how you what it. Don't think about anything but yourself, I know I say this alot, I take these baths 3 times a week you and all of us need too. You are a great perosn and you desevre to be happy, so hunny, let those tears flow, when they are done, its time for YOU.
2007-11-16 07:57:47 · answer #4 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are probably a very beautiful woman who has a wonderful heart. Out there waiting for you is a man who can't wait to hold you in his arms and tell you that he loves you.
Unfortunately, he isn't going to find you until you let go of the old life and the old abused "you" and move forward. Have you let people in the past tell you that you are not good enough? That you will never be successful? That you are not worthy?
HELLO...you are more worthy than any of the people who have told you that you aren't. They are not worthy..that is why they have acted the way they do. Forget them! They mean nothing to you!
You have allowed yourself to become what you are! You chose to let them beat you down! Now, guess what? You have the opportunity to stand up and be counted. Winners never quit, quitters never win! Walk with confidence at all times! You can do it! Let your inner beauty come to the surface and shine like the sun. Live the dreams you had as a little girl. They will come true...if you choose to make them come true. Love yourself! You are beautiful!
2007-11-16 08:12:09 · answer #5 · answered by Yner 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me it's a GAME to him!!! Some men are SOOO insecure about themselves (NO MATTER HOW GOOD THEY ARE AT HIDING IT!!!) that they use us....u know women with warm hearts....!! I was in a VERY similar relationship....actually TWO of them!!!
And let me tell u....it was excurciating, the pain of realizing this man, the father of my children would break my heart so heartlessly!!
Then I married another man who older and more slick!!! He was an utter liar and his family acted like it was all in my mind!!! It was a maze of decite and mind games...even the chruch was on his side!! Long story short--------my children and I spent the next 3 years living in shelter for abused women and children ( many of which had been physically abused) it took everything I had in me to stay there so long but because of lack of family support (domestic violence will do it!!) I had no other choice.
Since then (this July) I've managed to get a divorce AND a protective order, I been working full time for 3 years, I'm in college and I've also managed to have my very own home build this July!!!
There is DEFINETLY life after divorce....more then you'll ever know if you stay with this man!!!!
If you believe, you WILL achieve!!
2007-11-16 08:04:12 · answer #6 · answered by leeshan 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen, you need to see yourself in a different way. You need to tell yourself HA! I AM BEAUTIFUL, cause you are. That is what is so beautiful about you, there is only one you in the whole universe. Just think about it there is no one in the world that has the same DNA that you have, nor is there any one that has the same finger prints that you have. I will admit that break-ups hurt, but time heals. So start hanging around close family and friends, and start loving and discovering YOU again. Let that page in your life end and start the new chapter in your life. You won't regret it. God bless!
2007-11-16 08:03:17 · answer #7 · answered by JustMe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're caught up interior the cycle of abuse as a sufferer. that is all too difficulty-loose! even nevertheless you won't comprehend it, you would be by threat searching for out relationships in which you would be abused in view which you sense as in case you deserve it. professional counseling and a good help equipment is what you ought which will assist you wreck this cycle on your existence. i'm no longer asserting it is your fault, because of the fact it is not, it is your abusers who're at fault. yet that does no longer mean you are able to no longer get help to place a stop to it. you apart from mght ought to interrupt loose from any relationships in which you're being victimized.
2016-10-16 23:59:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to your situation. My ex was mentally and physically abusive. It's been about 3 years since our divorce. I just recently gone to counseling for the s#@$ he put me through. It has helped me tremendously. It takes time to heal after someone treats you so badly. I realize now that the mean things he said to me weren't true. You got to believe in yourself and not believe anything mean he said to you. Just be glad you got out of that situation and you're better off alone right now then with someone that says they love you only to degrade you. Good luck
2007-11-16 07:50:23 · answer #9 · answered by Danielle7584 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your crying out of your own fear to face a new life on your own..has nothing to do with him. To get over it, you have to forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be in such a situation and to accept that it is in the past. Start making a list of all the things you yourself want to start doing in life. New Job, College, own business, travel and so on....start doing it and start checking it off the list. You start finding out that you are important too and you can do everything on your own and feel good about yourself once again.
2007-11-16 07:47:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋