My wife is mad at me because in a minor dispute with my family of origin (parents/brothers) she feels I am taking "their side". In my opinion, in this circumstance, it is my wife who is overreacting and being pretty irrational. I've kind of tried to be a bridge to smooth things over a bit between the two parties (clearly a no win option, I feel like "Raymond"!),
but she sees this, angrily, as not being supportive of her.
So it seems I have a weird choice--be a "good husband" and be supportive of my wife's feelings--but act in a way that is not what I truly believe and not be true to myself--or act in a way I believe is true, but that therefore is being "not supportive"
Experiences? Advice? Help?!
Thanks...
2007-11-16 07:25:43 · 16 answers · asked by robert b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Even though you may not agree with your wife it is still very important to validate her feelings. Just say something like I can understand why you feel this way. Don't necessarily disagree or agree.
2007-11-16 07:31:11 · answer #1 · answered by Mom of Three 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well since you didn't go into detail on what actually happened it is hard to guess who is right and who is wrong. I think you have to be true to yourself and your true feelings but at the same time try to understand why your wife feels the way she does. Maybe the best thing to do is let them hash it out and hopefully it will all work out in the end. I feel for you because you are in a no win situation.
2007-11-16 15:41:28 · answer #2 · answered by CINDY J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are always two sides to everything. What you see as being "right" may not be right in the eyes of your wife. You have a very strong bond with your family, so its very hard to be objective. You have had this bond with your family your entire life. The bond with your wife has only been for a short time. Maybe you are blinded by your love of your family and maybe your wife is right. If you really want unbiased advise....tell us what the dispute is over and maybe we will be able to see both sides and give our opinions as to what we think. We havent got the bond you have, so maybe we can look at your situation factually and not emotionally.
2007-11-16 15:34:41 · answer #3 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most of us women just need constant assurance that our husband really loves us and stands by us and puts us above others. Even when we know this we still for some reason need consistent assurance; it's like we're just hardwired that way.
I don't know the details of your situation, but I have a strong hunch that if you verbally reassured your wife that you love her deeply and that she is your priority over your family, that might really make a difference. If she feels reassured of that, then I think she'll hear your objective perspective of the situation without reading so much into it (i.e. the whole 'taking sides' thing).
2007-11-16 15:45:09 · answer #4 · answered by hazelii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not have to take her side if she is wrong. She is being irrational. Since it is a minor disagreement I would tell her that she needs to handle it. You should be supportive of your wife but not at your own expense. It would be easier to answer if we knew what happened. Tell her that it is not fair for any of them to put you in the middle and you will not be put there. Good luck.
2007-11-16 15:35:31 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you are a good husband and you need to be exactly who you are, feelings and all. You are being supportive of her whining and she should see that you simply don't agree with her on this one, not making you feel like you have to make a choice on how you feel. She needs to gain some respect and also appreciate your honesty even if she doesn't like your answer. Sorry it just can't rain lollipops and butterflies all the time for her. Be yourself, she knows she picked a good one.
2007-11-16 15:35:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be truthful with your wife and your family. Let your family know that your wife is to be respected. Stand up for what you believe in at the same time. If you are for the issue say so, if you are against say so. Your wife should come first over your family.
2007-11-16 15:33:32 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have to be true to yourself... but you probably don't want to sleep on the couch. Tough call and as someone said, "it depends". If you constantly get into disagreements over things which probably aren't a big deal you are going to lead an awfully unhappy life. i find after 18 years of marriage that I am best off picking my battles wisely. She needs to come first in your book and generally you should be taking her side.
2007-11-16 15:57:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, be truthful tell your wife the way you see it, sometimes people overreact its just life, but most can learn to adjust and move on, but it sounds like to me that you have been the person hat everyone turns to maybe next time tell all that you are staying out of it and let them figure it out for themselves. Good Luck
2007-11-16 15:38:17 · answer #9 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would say it depends. Will your wife feel you are being unforgivable, or will she later see that you were trying to be rational?
If she is flying off the handle, then maybe it is best you stay out of it.
2007-11-16 15:29:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋