What does a big wedding and particularly wearing the wedding dress represent for women?

Question

I didn't have a wedding because I never had those dreams and thought it would be better to use the money and time for something else. My female friends clearly feel differently about the subject. Does this have to do with the fairytale stories we grew up with?

Before you say it, I'm not judging those who put value on weddings. I'm a pretty boring person when it comes to celebrations...don't care for my bday and didn't care to have graduation parties either. So, if anybody is extreme, it would probably be me :)

KAT: I care religiously about traditional holidays. Persian New Year, Christmas and Thanksgiving...probably because there is a lot of food involved LOL

Answer 1

I think there is alot that goes into the whole mentality of the wedding. Yes, there's the fairy tale thing, but it is also the one day that women look to as 'their day' - when they look the most beautiful they ever feel they will. They may also have all kinds of notions about the traditions - dancing with their father, for example...

I was one of those girls who dreamt about her wedding from the time I was a teenager. Whenever I was a bridesmaid, I NEVER tried on the wedding dresses with my friend - cause I wanted to save it til it was 'my time'.

I didn't, however, get married til I was 42. By that time, I didn't want a big gown or all of the fancy trappings and traditions. We got married on a beach in our bathing suits, and all the guests were similarly dressed. It was an amazing day for all, and described by most as the best wedding they'd ever been to. But between us, I was secretly a little sad that I never got to wear the dress. That part of being a girl was still alive in me, I guess. But I also realized that the marriage was the most important thing - not the dress and all the fancy stuff.

Answer 2

Oh..the colour of the dress should be the last of any ones concern at a wedding. I have a bigger problem with people who break every vow they recited within a couple of years of getting hitched. This is a bigger concern. The wedding is just an hour out of a very long life together. Its no big deal. Its the sentiment behind the tradition that is important. Happily married for 13 years (together 18) and why is it really any of your concern who is and isn't a virgin?? Surely this is just a matter for the people concerned and The Maker. I think you sound too concerned with the trivial, when you could be putting your good brain to use actually helping people, instead of wasting it being judgemental. this I see as more of a sin. and for the record, some others are right. White has only been a 'fashion' in wedding attire for the past 150 years or so. A white wedding dress was seen more as a statement of wealth and prosperity, most women married in their 'sunday best' (probably grey, as a symbol of humbleness) and white, esp lace, showed the family had money, whcih was attractive to the prospective grooms family. Blue has always been a symbol of purity in the Christian church. This is why Mother Mary is always depicted wearing blue robes and women wear a blue token (ribbon or broach or garter) on their wedding day. people sometimes dont like the truth when is conflicts with their beliefs that they hold dear.

Answer 3

I see a big wedding as a huge waste of money, but I grew up in poor communities, so celebrations were pretty light on pomp and heavy on sentiment. I grew up going to every neighbor's wedding, since everyone knew everyone, and after a while, I would fall asleep, it was so boring. I've never been particularly sentimental, and am often extremely practical. I did get married once, no engagement ring (I didn't want it) refused the big wedding, just had a bridesmaid and best man, simple ceremony, simple party afterwards for a small group of family and friends, that's it. I bought my dress from a mail order catalog, Penney's! It was very simple.

I have only been to a couple of weddings over the last couple of decades, and did so only for people I really liked and cared about. I know some women obsess about weddings, but I have no love for ceremonies, and have even less interest in fashion, decorating, or providing or attending big parties. I understand it to a certain degree, but actually am appalled at the waste of money of some weddings.

Answer 4

It was not about being a princess for me. I didn't dream about my wedding until I met my husband and we started talking about. The dress was pretty important for me. Why? Because what I am wearing can set my mood and I wanted to feel beautiful. That doesn't mean I need to spend thousands on a dress, but that I find the dress that fit my personality and made me look good. I had two options of dressed in the end, one dress was twice as much as the other and I was sane enough to say, "the difference in the dress just isn't worth the difference in price" and went with the cheaper one. I did not have much control about the wedding in the way of price. My parents had a lot of people that just had to be invited. I thought of mine as a big party/celebration. There were some things that I think we could have spent less on for various reasons and I understand the idea that maybe the money is better spent on a first home etc., but I think for me a lot of it had to do with tradition, but not in a cheesy fairy tale way.

Answer 5

Agree with Rio, that it may have much to do with "fairy-tales" becoming reality, I also think that the idea of making an event out of the marital unison between two people, may perhaps be another way of being the center of attention, more so for the bride than the groom. There are many other reasons, but whatever makes each person happy, so be it.
Personally, I don't even believe in the institution of marriage itself, one does not have to be married to be committed to someone. Coincidentally, don't care much for my birthdays either (yet people want to celebrate them for me) nor celebrations and holidays, except Halloween, because it's a good excuse to scare kids.... eheheheee (evil laugh). ;-)
Ah, I keed.

I don't find you extreme at all, it's interesting to find out that you think the same way about weddings and celebrations in general...evil twins after all. :-)

Edit: Who doesn't like food girl? I love to eat all kinds of food any day (whether celebratory or not), and the dancing we do during certain celebrations is fun, but I don't make a big deal out of those days, as my family and some friends do. To me, it's just not a reason to get all crazed about.

Btw, agree with Tracey's comment.

Answer 6

interesting question...

I am planning my 2nd wedding...this event is drastically different than my first. W/ my 1st wedding it was an all-out affair...very lavish- 300 guests. We divorced a year later (we were way too young)...I didn't enjoy a moment of the planning- but didn't know that was a bad thing. I felt the more "done" the wedding was, the better chances we had (ahhhh...to be naive)

Now...my wedding is going to have maybe 80-100 people...we are having it in our backyard...I have loved every minute of the planning process. The details don't bother me- the biggest detail (the groom) is all set.

Long story short...I think its a matter of perspective.

Answer 7

There's more than a little cynicism in these responses.

For me, it was the tradition...that's what my mother, my aunt, my grandmother did. And I'll admit, I like being the center of attention. He was out of town for almost the entire planning phase, so I got to do pretty much whatever I wanted. In retrospect, I wish I'd have taken the money instead when my dad offered it. There were some pretty lean years in the late 1970s and early 1980s.

Answer 8

I think a lot has to do with personality and the way you were raised. I was raised by a fairly frugal and practical mother, and her attitude has been a big influence in my life. Therefore, for my wedding, I just did not want the BIG huge affair, I didn't want to spend five hours thanking people who's names I couldn't remember for coming to my wedding etc. We had a small intimate wedding with 23 guests.....no huge bridal party and it was very nice. I wouldn't change a thing.

Answer 9

Big expensive weddings to me are a waste of money that could be used for a house, a child's (or the couples') college education, or even a fantastic round-the-world trip that inspires and feeds the soul. Spending $2,000 on rented napkins is just utterly and completely beyond me. Maybe I'm just too practical.

Answer 10

it's going to be a big party for us! when my boyfriend and i finally get married, we will do it for us and for FUN. honestly, if you look at marriage as a union between two people who love and respect one another, we're already married. we live together, we share expenses, we have a son-we're kinda doing everything backwards and i'm fine with that. we won't spend lots of money since we do have major responsibilities, but we will treat ourselves.

i want to have a wedding so i can have a reason to celebrate. we love one another and why not make it into an event?