Who is making the sacrifice?

Question

With the Thanksgiving holiday approaching, I was wondering who is making the sacrifice of their career to be home while the children are out of school. This is a question for dual-income families with children who do not use the services of child care, whether paid or a friend/family member.

I already work from my home office which does afford me a lot of flexibility as I don't work certain hours, but rather meet deadlines. However, I can't really be attentive to a 5 and 6-year-old while I'm busy working, so I am rearranging my hours to work while they are sleeping.

Who in your family makes the sacrifice? Are both partners taking turns sacrificing? How are these decisions made? Do these decisions feel voluntary or imposed?

Answer 1

I think a lot of couples fall into a system where one parent is the "primary", and the other is the "secondary". Now don't get me wrong, I have trouble thinking of my husband as "secondary" - he is a loving, involved father. But whether I work for pay in the future or not, I think we both expect that I'd be the one rearranging my schedule to stay home with a sick child, for example. I think this is pretty natural in relationships, but if one parent is feeling that this is unfair, they need to discuss it more. But I do see many, if not all couples with children assuming that one career is primary, and the other spouse should work around the needs of the children.

For my parents, it was the other way around - Dad did real estate around caring for the kids, Mom worked full-time and had the "primary" career. So as long as everyone agrees to this, I think it's healthy. I don't think this question only applies to women currently working for pay at all. It goes to the heart of people's expectations in a relationship. I've done some freelance writing for pay in the last year - do I "count", for purposes of this question? LOL

Answer 2

I didn't work when my kids were really little, but later my mother watched them for me.

Most of the women that I work with take the day after Thanksgiving off...partly because the kids are home and partly because they're exhausted from making Thanksgiving dinner.

It's a holiday for many companies. Both my brothers-in-law have that day off every year. I took a vacation day.

In general, though, when someone has to stay home with the kids it's going to be the mother in most families, unless the father has a very flexible job. I do know families where they take turns.

Answer 3

At this point it's theoretical for me, but we'll be having our first child this spring. My partner will be returning to work after her leave ends and I will become a stay at home parent (she is a lawyer, I am a social worker - the decision is financial). I don't consider that I will be making a sacrifice. It is not sometthing I have to do, nor is it being imposed on me. We very much want our child to have a parent as her/his primary caregiver for the first few years. We both believe this will be the best for our child. In our case, it only makes sense for the person with the higher income to return to work.

Answer 4

Luckily, my brother is 14 and I'm almost 18, so nobody needs to stay with us. In the old days, our grandmother would have done it. (She is the relative who lives closest to us, only a ten-minute walk.) Before my brother started going to kindergarten, my mom was at home with us, but she worked from home at night. When my dad was out of work this year, he'd be the one to take my brother to appointments. We just went with whoever happened to be available at the time.

Answer 5

i will very likely have to work till 2 pm, but luckily his father is off of work for the holiday and will be home with him. if we both had to work, my parents would watch him until we got home.

Answer 6

In families like that it is the children who are sacrificed. Staying home to take care of your children is not a sacrifice, it is an obligation, a responsibility.