Any stories about being "balanced" with an ex-wife or have you had a b/f play both sides with the Ex? Or that he was "too nice" to stand up to the Ex or gave in on everything?
I have a friend going through this and she says it feels terrible feeling second to anyone's Ex. Shouldn't be that way. Not if she is making him happy in life now and is his present & future. His kids are involved and they've had no problems with the situation. They all love each other.
All along he has told her she is first (after the kids) and then she figures out he has been trying to make her, the kids and the Ex happy. In spite of damaging their relatonship. Ex also interfered early in their relationship. My friend is a really good person and wishes no ill-well on anyone, but it has caused trust issues now. Who's happiness do you think should come 1st, hers or the Ex? How can she trust he will put her 1st now, as he says? She knows what I think, wanted to get some other views or opinions. Thanks!
2007-11-16 07:01:08 · 12 answers · asked by 2008girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To Cindra, I should have clarified better. She actually did tell him how she felt, laid it all on the line and said it was up to him from now and she would leave, if it didn't get better. That is why I asked how could she trust him "now" that he says he will put her first. He has done okay so far, but she is having trust issues, like I had said. I think people sometimes revert back and that worries me for her, that she will waste more time and in the end, it will go back to how it was. I am hoping he has learned and sees she is wonderful though. This is really their only issue, but a really big one.Thanks!
2007-11-16 08:50:12 · update #1
Tell your friend if she can't handle it now to run...it will get worse - much worse before it gets better. it is a complex issue having to do with guilt on her boyfriends concience deserved or not deserved, he feels he failed and let his children down...his ex knows him well enough to play on this and manipulate him. Most of these types of ex wives try to interfer with the ex husbands new relationship because they are jealous and don't want him to be happier than they are....it goes even deeper than this...tell your friend to read about blended family issues, parental alienation syndrome by jayne major....find this on line and before she gets any deeper into this situation to know exactly what she is getting in to. i have an ex wife in our lives that makes our lives as miserable as possible......I wish I would have known what I was getting into before I got in....it is really bad and some days unbearable. We were served today with contempt of court papers for non payment of child support, mind you we have not missed a payment and pay more than we are obligated to most months because she refuses to work and we can't stand knowing the kids don't have lights, food or other necessities. We don't seek custody because she has poisoned their minds, in a fashion similar to the methods cult leaders use...(parental alienation syndrome) to think we are idiots....it is very unhealthy for all involved, i hate it. tell your friend to read, read, read.
2007-11-16 07:22:53 · answer #1 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can completely relate to your situation. You are having a hard time with this for many reasons. You were married to the man and he will always have a small portion of your heart no matter how long you've been divorced and no matter how long its been since you've moved on. The pain will disolve but you need to remember why the marriage did not work instead of focusing on the good memories. These bad memories will help you through this time, also focus on how much you love your current husband. Another thing that will be helpul is when you start think about what could have been make your mind convert to the present and how much you enjoy your freedom now and how much you love your spouse now. It is and will be difficult but you need to do it for you sanity. It will get easier, I promise. Your pain may also be coming from the emotions that maybe he wasn't the father to your kids that you always wanted him to be but now he has another chance to do it all over with someone else. Remember, he may be able to make a better life with his current wife and new baby than he had with you and your children but he can never rewind and make that better, he messed up and you and your children will always no that. And many times this type of situation ends in the same exact result. Cheer up and hold your head up high and realize that you have made the right choices in your life and your life is just how you want it.
2016-05-23 10:33:15 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! This sounds like my past in a total recap. I was in a relationship where the man I was dating would do anything his ex requested, and paid all of her bills. Then I would find little hints in his home that she had been there when I wasn't around. He would always have an excuse, she was there for the kids, or had to bring something by. There was always a reason. Unfortunately this situation never got any better and I got out before it got worse. Usually someone is an ex for a reason but if he isn't willing to let her go then the new person in his life doesn't stand a chance and will always be 2nd in line. My advice would be to tell him how she feels and that he needs to make a choice, if he can't then she should go.
2007-11-16 07:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
He can't be trusted. I know this because I'm an ex that has been "balanced" with a girlfriend. He would try to make me believe I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he wanted us to be together again one day. How the girlfriend is nothing to him but something to pass time and then I find out he tells the girlfriend that I am "after" him. Total bs. One word for ya, PLAYER!
2007-11-16 07:13:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should not come after the ex. The only thing that he has to do with her is the kids. It does not sound like he loves her like he says. He tolerated the ex causing problems? She cannot know that he will put her first. Since he has not when push comes to shove I think that she will be the odd man out. I would rethink a relationship with this man. She will never be happy because this is a battle she will always fight and I don't think that she is going to win it.
2007-11-16 07:43:16 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Even though your friend may tell you it feels "terrible" to be second fiddler to an ex, your friend must be OK with it, cause she's still sticking around. The more she puts up with it, the more he'll keep doing it. Why should he stop? She's already shown him that she won't leave.
2007-11-16 08:35:15 · answer #6 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell you what a relative of mine who is a judge tells people in court all the time,,, and i quote him,,,, your ex and your kids come before all others your new girlfriend/wife / boyfriend/husband are just luxuries and the ex and kids needs come before your luxuries ..
2007-11-16 07:14:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
does not sound like he knows what "ex" means, either does she. Looks like you will have step up and let him know exaclty what 'ex" means or thats what you will be
2007-11-16 07:18:40 · answer #8 · answered by unpublished critic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
please. she should let him go. she should come first. she can never be truly happy if all he does is juggle everyone. she might even come tho resent that she let herself fall in love with him or whatever. i say leave him while there are no huge commitments (i.e. marriage, kids...) good luck.
2007-11-16 07:30:59 · answer #9 · answered by hiswife04 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
SAD! But look at it this way, there is plenty of fish in the sea! DUMP HIS BUTT and don't lower yourself to his level, your worth more then that!!!!!
2007-11-16 07:06:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋