Should I leave him?

Question

My husband I have been married for almost two years and we have a beautiful son together. However, he is not honest with me about money and other things. I don't belive he has been unfaithful. He also lied to me when we first married when he was in the military. He told me he was working when in fact he was AWOL and we were expecting our son. We had no money or health insurance, and I had to leave the state to be with my parents, because they evicted us from the on base housing. He remained behind to finish up his paperwork with the military. While we were apart for two months, he did not contact me at all. We now live in his home state where I have no family. I have a great job and my son is the only thing I look forward to everyday. He has walked out on us twice for several days at a time and when he says that he will change, it's only for a week or two, then everything goes back to chaos. Should I leave him or stay for the sake of keeping the family together?

Answer 1

I would leave him. It sounds like he has no devotion to anyone but himself.

Answer 2

No..I would leave him. He is not a responsible person and he will probably never change. It sounds like he is not the type to take care of a wife and child, as he can't even take care of himself. I would go back to the state where your parents live so you would have family around you. But I think this marriage is a lost cause and keeping the marriage together because of your son will not help your son. One day when he understands more he will not comprehend why you are living with someone who walks in and out of your lives, so remember you are young enough to start a new life. If you have a good job, then maybe you should stay in the state you are in, but if you can go back home and find a good job there it would be better, as your parents will help you with love and encouragement and it will give your life some stability. Just remember, that there are nice men out there and maybe one day you can meet a special person who will love you and your son.

Answer 3

Stay for the sake of keeping the family together? Are you kidding? This man is not worth keeping. As Dr. Phil has said many times before..."You are writing on the slate of who your children are with each and every word or action you take." By staying you are not providing an ideal much less happy environment for your son. If your son is the only thing that you look forward to everyday, then base your actions on those feelings, leave, go back to the town where your family lives, embrace the support and love that are provided by true family and wait for the real love of your life to come along. I understand that you may be afraid of standing on your own, but allowing this man to destroy a little boy's perception of how a real father acts, supports, & loves his family on a daily basis is far more difficult to repair. You have the ability RIGHT NOW to shape your son's ideals and family values...essentially writing on the slate of who he is, who he will be, and the father he will later become. Good decisions aren't always easy but they are well worth it...and so are you!!!!

Answer 4

Listen, someone said to hire a private investigator to find out what he doing when he gone for days. I say if that is what you have come to then you don't really have a marriage worth saving. I think the answer to this is very clear to you. You don't have any trust or respect in the relationship. Give your son a good example, and leave. Go back to your home state with your family and have a full and happy life. I recommend getting some counseling to find out how in the world you could have ended up with someone so wrong for you.

Best of luck!!

Answer 5

When you stay for the sake of the family...it usually just makes the family worse. What I mean by this is...kids are very intuitive, they can tell when things are not right and the parents are unhappy. That creates a very unstable environment for them to be growing up in, especially if the father isnt reliable and can disappear for days at a time. It creates a sense of insecurity in a child and he will grow up carrying these insecurities with him and they can severly affect him later in life. It is always better for a child to have both parents be happy and stable seperatly then miserable and unreliable together. Keep in mind these early years are the most importnat for your sons developement and will mold him into the man he will be someday...you want him to be filled with feelings of security, happiness, love and trust...it doesnt sound like he will get this out of the current situation. What is best for you will be best for him in the long run. :)

Answer 6

Now before I begin, please be the type of person who can take opinions. I believe you are a good mother for thinking about your son first, but know that staying with your husband for the sake of your son is doing more damage than just leaving him because he is obviously not being a "father." I am 18 years old, and now that I look back to when my mother left my dad I am glad because if she had stayed in that situation, we would not be where we are now. My mother has accomplished alot on her own, and if my dad had remained in the picture none of the things we have today would exist. SO LEAVE HIM!!! Of course, you should sit down and explain to your son what's going on. Let him know that his dad is a loving dad, but that mama and daddy are not happy anymore. I can't explain it in words, but being that you have experience with your son, you should know how to say the right words. I just feel that staying in a bad relationship will lead to a bad future.

Answer 7

If you're only staying with him to keep the family together,then yes you should leave him, that is not a good enough reason to stay. That will not be a healthy environment for your son to grow up in and neither is it healthy for you. He doesn't sound trustworthy or dependable at all. And I wouldn't be so sure about him not cheating either. If he was lying to you about those other things(and that was in the beginning)then he will lie to you about other women too. Esp. if he's leaving for days at a time. Where is he going during those times? Protect yourself and your son. That should be your priority right now. Your husband is grown and will have to deal with the consequences of his actions. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 8

Your Son Probably Doesn't Like It That Much. So Do What Ever You Want To Do. Your Son Is Probably Just AS Mad Even Know The Sounds Of It Make It Sound Like Hes..3?

Answer 9

I'm sorry about your turmoil and having gotten wrapped up with this man - it happens to the smartest of us.
You believed him and then you find out hes lying.
You've been coping for so long you dont know reality anymore, your head is confused right?
What brightens this story is that you sound like a good Mom and you have a good job and have contact with your family though they are not there physically to help or pop over to.
Take it day by day to give yourself the strength to stay away from him every day - like any habit.
You definitly have a bright future but not with this man. He has to go - do not get pregnant again by him. This would be a disaster for you now.

Answer 10

I think you have to ask yourself some very important questions. If you stay with him for the sake of keeping your family together....Are you doing more harm than good? Are you really ready for him to start lying to your son? If he isn't a permanent fixture when you are married then what's the difference if he isn't a permanent fixture if you leave him? Sometimes, not having someone be there at all is better than having them be there only when it's convenient for them.
I say, get out while it's still early enough.

Good Luck.

Peace out.

Mike

P.S. That Melissa G. girl looks hot!!!

You go with your badself GIRL!!!

lol

Answer 11

Leave him. I'm in a similar situation myself. My husband has just lost his mind and lies to me about everything! He's also in the military and we've been married almost 2 years as well. We're in the process of getting a divorce and while it took me a while to accept it, I now realize it's for the best. I don't need someone bringing me down and neither do you. No matter how much you love someone you can't force then to change. Sad but true. Best of luck in the future! Have the courage to stand up for yourself and your son and you'll be all the better and wiser for it.