Are men who have been raped/molested/abused?

Question

taken less seriously because women are mostly victims to these crimes? Are men less likely to speak out because they don't want to compromise their "manhood?" What can we do to change the difference in attitude?

Jo AKA Object: Why do you go under different names? Just curious.

If I don't want to read someone's ranting, it has nothing to do with their name...really.

Answer 1

I think it's similar to the way raped women were treated (still are to a certain extent) and how molested children were treated (and still are to varying degrees, especially when it comes to incest)--no one wanted to believe it, so they refused to believe it, no matter how much evidence was right in front of their face. I think women and men both want to deny that men are raped by women and men; it doesn't "fit" with how they view our society, or how they view men as invincible (who can possibly be invincible?), and it definitely doesn't fit many people's views of women, and their archaic idea that women can't be sexual abusers (which is patently untrue).

What can we do? Be supportive of men like the ones here and elsewhere who are willing to share their stories. It's how women started out, telling their stories, being believed by others (both men and women), raising their own funds for rape crisis help lines, volunteering for rape help crisis lines, and being supportive of survivors. Unfortunately, there's a limit that women can do to be supportive, since we'll never know what it's like to be a rape survivor from a male point of view. Hopefully, more men will be willing to admit what's happened to them, and will be role models for others to talk about what happened to them. And there'll finally be more male survivors and male supporters who can support male victims.

Answer 2

I think they are less likely to speak out not neccessarily because of compromising their manhood but because they are embrassed more so then women because most women are learning that it's not their fault when they get raped or molested. I think we should teach (along with open minds about same-sex attitudes) that men and women can be victims of rape or molestion and that it's not their fault.

Answer 3

I think that a lot of men were raped as children--that's when it seems most common. Male adult rape does happen, but it is also frequently confined to certain places and demographics. Prisons are the prime example of this.

Women on the other hand, get raped across all ages of their lives. So I think that there was a broader support group for female victims of rape.

Adults who are assaulted are more likely to press charges, band together in groups, or do whatever they feel will help themselves and each other out.

Children are the silent victims. Adult rapes are underreported and under-prosecuted. But this is doubly so for kids. And I think that with men, there is not a large body of adult men getting raped that form a natural support for childhood rape victims.

But at any rate--men like me who were raped as children are going to have to dig down and find it within themselves to get past it. No one else can do it for you, and living in the past will only bring you unhappiness.

Adds:
One other thing that gets more to the heart of your question. Most men who are raped are raped by other men. That, I think more than anything is why they feel difficulty in speaking out. It's like getting your a** kicked on the playground, only far, far worse.

Answer 4

There is one thing that it seems almost everyone is missing here!! Men are abused and raped but for the most part it's not by women. Yes there is a small percentage of men who are raped by women but most men are raped by men. When women rape males it's usually teenagers or boys. When men are raped by other men it makes it even harder for them to come forward because men don't want to admit that they were over taken by anyone much less over taken and raped. They go through the same feelings of guilt, helplessness and anger that women do if not more so. Men are supposed to be able to take care of themselves and the others that they care about. To be taken advantage of makes them feel less of a man and less able to take care of others. You're right we have to make it easier for men to come forward and to deal with the emotions and feelings that this act leaves them with, with out repercussions or leaving them with more feelings of guilt or anger. We need to treat rape as rape no matter who the victim is.

Answer 5

I was molested when I was 19, by the president of a major northeast US dry cleaners. I used to clean the offices.

I didn't even realize it was molestation until it came up in counseling 13 years later. I had been abusing controlled substances during the time frame in which it occurred, so abuse was "acceptable" to me then.

Anyway, what I have found is that people simply can't believe it. Absolutely can't believe that it can happen to a guy.

Answer 6

I think the first answer below illustrates the problem well:
"There are more women that are the Victims unless this guy is wimpy!"

The assumption apparently being that any man who is abused is unmanly and therefore deserving of what he gets. It's quite a bit like the old attitude that women who were raped were oversexed tramps who probably deserved it. It's taken a long time to make it safe for women to speak out. We obviously have a long way to go to do the same for men.

Answer 7

Society needs to accept that all walks of life and gender get raped. The support systems out there are overworked and underpaid. Once someone hears of this tragedy happening to someone they know - they back off because they think they are going to be tainted with that ugly paintbrush, instead of lending a helping hand and understanding.

Answer 8

Not sure.

I was physically abused by my first wife; and many people don't have a lot of sympathy or understanding for that kind of situation -- "Hit her back!" is the most common response you get when you try to tell someone about your troubles. But that just wasn't an option for me -- I've never raised my hand to another human being in my entire adult life. The only time I was came close was the day my wife finally stopped hitting me, because she could sense that I wasn't going to be her punching bag anymore. But it took me another full year to get up the nerve to file for divorce.

Answer 9

1- are men taken less seriously? i have a friend who works in violence prevention. she wants men to come forward. she wants all people - women,gays, bis, transgenders. there are so many barriers to reporting - feelings of shame, feeling you are guilty of the act, afraid people wont' take you seriously** (men & women), etc.

2/3. are men less likely to speak out? yes. b/c of the gender role that men must be tough and getting raped is contrary to that.

4- awareness needs to be raised. we must create a climate of trust for men or women to report a rape. consent was be clear to both sexes.

although i get attacked for speaking about the rape of women (even when i mention men), i have concern for all people when they are raped. my biggest complaint is creating more media hype for false allegations than there is for true cases. plenty of cases don't get any media attention. a false allegation is sure to make the papers. and while i have concern for people who are wrongly accused, i think the justice system basically works whereas getting help for people who were raped cannot be done unless that person reports it -

meaning,

false accusations = justice
(depends on your level of trust of the system).

no report = no justice, plain & simple.

that's my last word. i'm sick of all the nasty, hateful comments. i see some of them have disappeared (thank you to whomever)

Answer 10

i wouldn't take them less seriously. i do agree that maybe society would not think it a big deal if a grown adult male was raped by a grown adult woman, but if that man is a young boy or if he is raped by another man...i think society is pretty sympathetic to that.

any person who is abused, sexually, verbally, physically, needs our sympathy and support.