my husband of 18 months recenlty met a girl online and has never actually met her in person, but they talk on the phone all the time and email. when i found out i made him move out. it has been 3 months and he has come back twice to try and work things out and then a few days later he is right back on the phone with her. he has not filed for a divorce, we still share all the bills. i recently wrote him a letter telling him that if she is what he wanted then he needed to set me free and the next day he called saying he wanted to be friends. he loves and cares about me but he's not in love with me, he has strong feelings for this other girl. since the letter he has called or texted me everyday. the other day i went to counseling through our church and he asked me about it and i told him i was going so i could be a better wife to my next husband and he hasn't spoke to or text me since then. i am so confused and i don't know what to do or thing. any help?
2007-11-16 05:56:34 · 35 answers · asked by nicspring272 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
keep going to therapy, and realize it wasn't because you weren't a good wife, the fault lies within him. if he is telling u he is no longer in love with u, believe him and let him go. even if he did come back and apologize could u really ever trust him again with your heart or your future. there are victims who say why me, than there are victors who say what. deal with it the best u can but let him go, he has already insulted u and told u he doesn't love or value u anymore. sometimes this happens with very immature men when they don't get all expectations met when they want them. county your lucky stars he is gone and file for divorce.
2007-11-16 06:24:21 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage means staying No Matter What! If you have honestly done everything possible to keep your marriage together then you can move on... but it doesnt sound like you want to. I think that you said you would be a better wife to someone else because you are hurt, and you want to hurt him. Friends dont do that to each other. If you want to keep your family together then change things about yourself. I get so tired of people who have never being that situation saying "leave" or I would never put up with that. You never know what you'll do until it happens to you. Dont loose your pride. Work on yourself. The Other Woman moves in by pointing out all of the Bad things about the Wife. Dont prove her right. Keep your cool. Dont have this issue be your only topic of conversation. Try to have a good time when your together. Counseling is always a plus. Good luck to you I know how hard it is.
2007-11-16 06:14:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your broken heart. I married, and we had children together (less than 18 months apart) and before our youngest child's first birthday, he moved out-left us flat. No money, no support. I did not file for divorce due to my religious convictions-he waited nearly a year before filing for a divorce. He never admitted to another woman.
Your marriage is over. It is hard to face, but, even if he comes back, he will leave again-if not for this girl, then another reason will come up as to why he has to leave.
The only help I can offer is that you continue to see the counseling through your church, remind yourself every day that you are a beautiful wonderful person, and remind yourself that your lapse in judgment for marrying this person was just that-a lapse in judgment. You will heal in time. Keep your attitude that you will be a better wife for your next husband, and make sure you remind yourself to choose your next husband worthy of you!!!
Let him go. Go see a lawyer, file for divorce, pray to God that He will carry you through this time. Normally, I believe in trying to work it out no matter what, but there is something in your question that I feel he is never going to change, and you will be taken advantage of and used for your whole life if you stay in relationship with this person. Do not even be friends-what for?? You owe him nothing-he broke his vow to you, you are released from your covenant.
Don't let him mess with your mind anymore!
2007-11-16 06:10:47 · answer #3 · answered by Daisy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you really love him or you wouldn't be putting up with this at all. If u want to get him strait then you should file for divorce. After about a month it will scare him strait, or at leas make him act like it did. Try it out. If you see no change then get him out of your life for good. I know there is a lot more to this story but from the sound of it HE is in the wrong big time. Learn from your experiences and fine someone ells. Trust me you will, and it will be worth it.
2007-11-16 06:12:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are doing the right thing by kicking him out and going to counseling. I wouldn't settle for second best in my husbands life. Also... if you two are going to be fighting over whoh gets what, I'd try to print off any e-mails you may have that he spoke about his other "love" and so forth so then you can use that as evidence in court. As long as it's in writing and the judge can use it' it's admissable.
I commend you for being strong and moving on with you life. I know it isn't hard but you'd be unhappy staying with someone who didn't love just you.
2007-11-16 06:03:03 · answer #5 · answered by sincere087 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Counseling is the best thing for you and he is the worst thing for you. He is in love with a fantasy and obviously very immature. You did the right thing telling him you were going to learn to be a better wife to your next husband. Im sure you were a terrific wife to begin with. Do not blame yourself he is the one with major issues. Sometimes we marry losers. Learn from the mistake and get out there and get soemone that will treat you like a good wife.
2007-11-16 06:03:00 · answer #6 · answered by married with kids 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's made a horrible mistake, I'm sure. He is in love with someone he has never met. When they meet, it's going to be a slap in the face, because her online self, is NOT the same as her real life self.
Let him know beforehand that you are not going to be there for him when things don't go well with this other girl.
2007-11-16 06:05:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Like the ladies above say..cut your loses. He's inlove with this other broad and doesnt know her...he is probbaly waiting to be able to see her to make his ultimate decision but you need to pull the rug from under him first. I can bet my head that that litle fling they got going on wont last to see a year and he'll come crawling back only to get on-line and find someone new to share a fantasy worl with. You should file for divorce and be done with it.
2007-11-16 06:06:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, I advise you to cut you losses and begin to move on and heal. Its not really the other girl that he loves - it is the chance of something fresh and new. In the end, he may or may not end up with this new person after he meets her, but she is his ticket out of the relationship. Its probably not your fault hun, just how relationships end sometimes when one person wants to date around or break up. You're better off putting your resources into finding someone else like you said.
2007-11-16 06:02:49 · answer #9 · answered by handsome_bigfella 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
wow... i feel bad for you. you totally deserve so much better. your husband is not treating you the way he should... and he hasn't even met the women on the phone whom he claims to love or whatever?!? i think he has some issues he needs to deal with and you need to move on who greater things. be strong you will find someone so much better. best of luck!
2007-11-16 06:05:57 · answer #10 · answered by bubbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋