Is this an ok essay for English?

Question

I had to write an essay about a time with a close friend. I go to a different school now so no one will know this girl and she is ok with me writing my essay about this. It's the top entry called Essay For English Class.
http://vampirefreaks.com/journal.php?u=thegreenhighlighter

Is it a good essay? What could make it better?

She said that she wanted it in a story form.

Its 9th grade English. She wants it to be in a story form. It's supposed to be a response to a promt and the promt was "Write about a hard time with a close friend"

Answer 1

its pretty good. i'd work on the end some more tho, and its not really an essay so much as a story, will your teahcer be ok with that?

Answer 2

If you could provide what grade this is for, and what poem this is a response to, I might be able to provide a more reassuring response.

Edit: Since it is a narrative, I can up it from barely an essay to somewhat decent. Perhaps you should indeed add more details to this essay. As long as you feel comfortable writing about this experience, you should have no problem writing a bit more detail.

Answer 3

It's not really an essay...more of a story. I don't know what the teacher asked for in regards to the essay but if she wants something more story-like then you'll be fine with it.

Answer 4

reading is your happiness it particularly is uncomplicated to initiate an essay is like commencing a e book...you're able to desire to make it exciting innovative yet on problem so for you to objective something humorous or merely directly forward so for you to assert something like greater greater etc like a newspaper or something like some days in the past some one asked my a question that made me think of etc like your speaking a pair of convo... you in basic terms wanna determine your reader is fascinated the full time

Answer 5

It was a cold December night the year that my best friend and I were in eighth grade and it was winter break. (She) had been acting (strangely) for weeks and no one knew what was wrong with her. It was late at night and we were (having a chat via our computers). We were having fun and (passing messages) when (suddenly) she (started) (asking) me to call her(.) I was a little scared to (do so) since it was so late (and) I was worried (that) I’d wake up her parents, but she (was insistent). I finally (plucked) up the courage to call her and when she answered () she was (hysterical)! I could tell from her voice that she was crying (and)she just kept telling me that she was sorry. (Unfortunately) I had no (idea) what she was sorry about.
“You need () to calm down!” I yelled (at her). She () then (became) silent for what seemed like an eternity. When she finally started talking again(,) and I could understand her(,)() it (seemed) (as if) she had calmed down().
“I’m worried (that I may be) pregnant”, she said in a (shaky) tone. I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t believe that my best friend was telling me this.
“(You're) joking(,) right?” I asked (), but I was pretty sure that she wasn’t (). We made plans (to meet) the next day (and) go to town (where) we could talk about it more.
The next morning we met at the town park. We just sat there (in silence) for (what seemed) an hour. We were only thirteen (years old at that time). We (didn't) what you say in a (situation) like this. Slowly (we) started (to talk) and I found out who the () father might be and we started (to discuss) what she should do. We decided that before (telling) her parents (she) had to (be certain) (that) she really was (pregnant).
“You need to buy a pregnancy test”, I told her(,) still shocked that I was (saying) that (to her).
“I’m (too) embarrassed(.) (What) will people think if they see me buying one(?)”, she replied(,) almost in tears. (Nevertheless) (we) walked over to the store and found the tests. I told her that I’d buy it for her. It was (an) embarrassing (experience) and I was worried about () my parents (finding out) that I (had) bought one! The cashier just kept looking (at) us () with a suspicious glare. Once we were out of the store she (hid) the test (inside) her coat so (that) no one () would see () it. We (made our way) to the park bathrooms, (hoping) that no one would be () there since it was(, after all,) December and really cold ().
“How do I do this?” She asked from inside the (cubicle).
“I have no (idea)(.) (Read) the (instructions on the) box” I told her. (After a while she) came out () and sat on the counter (Beside) me.
“I can’t take it yet, I want to (think of what I'm going to say to) my parents before I find out.” (She) said(,) with her head down.
We (thought of a way) to tell her parents if the test came out positive. We sat on the counter staring at the test(.) (Both) of us were really scared. She (hopped) off the counter and (hugged me).
“Hey everything’s going to be ok(,) no matter what the test says,” I promised her as we let go of each other. She slowly (returned to the cubicle).
“You forgot your( tester.)” I said(,) laughing as I tossed it over the (door). She (stayed inside)for a really long time and I was getting worried.
“Everything ok?” I asked knocking on the (door).
“I can’t read it. Will you do it for me?” She asked(,) sliding the test under the stall door. I took a deep (breath) and (checked the result).
“You’re not pregnant!” I yelled. She ran out of the stall and jumped on me (joyfully). We ran out of the park bathrooms and threw the test away in the dumpster behind a local restaurant.
“Man(,) now what am I going to get you for Christmas? I was going to get you something for your baby.” I laughed and pushed her into the snow. “(You'd) better not make me do this with you again for at least another ten years!”

She made me promise not to tell anyone in our school and I never did. We decided after such a stressful day we needed a() night (in watching a movie) so we went back to the () store that we bought the test from and rented some movies() (Then we)called her mom to come pick us up. No one has ever found out about that day, not even our closest friends.


Here's your essay edited with my suggestions. I've put them in brackets () and omitted some bits that I didn't think fitted.

Answer 6

It is an ok one. Put as much detail as you can. [: