I recently returned from a business trip and my husband kept saying not to cheat and that all women are the same and other verbally abusive comments. That was last Saturday and he hasn't made it right.
He tends to mend our fights with make-up sex but Im not buying into it this time. I'm done with this cycle of abuse and his insecurity issues from his ex cheating on him years ago. So its been about six days since we've been intimate and I feel like he is just out to satisfy himself and I feel used.
He walked into the room while I was asleep last night, made noise to awake me then stated, Oh don't worry I don't need you I already had someone suck my *beep* and walked out. I was left cut deep. He has said this once before a few years ago and apologized saying he wasn't serious and that he wanted to hurt me and get my attention. Im so confused. I want to end my marriage due to his mistreatment and I deserve to be treated as a lady and not his whore wife. Any suggestions
2007-11-16 05:50:42 · 19 answers · asked by anabanana 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He wanted to hurt you to get your attention? Tell me...why are you still with this jackass? You sound as though you're a professional woman with brains. Time to cut this immature little boy from your life and let his imaginary girlfriend suck him off all she wants. Then maybe he'll change his tune.
of course..that won't matter to you because you'll have been done with him. Do yourself a favor. Get the divorce papers ready...wake him and tell him...."I don't need you....I've already retained someone to f*ck you" and toss the papers onto the bed.
Good luck. He isn't going to treat you any different than he has anyway so do it and be done with it.
2007-11-16 06:12:44 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been there and survived ... and still married to the same man. Sounds to me that you are being vengefully punished in the place of the woman that did hurt him. His insecurity was around long before his ex was around and is heightened now if it is the case that you are more successful (by his definition) than he. The cry in him is to humiliate because he is experiencing humiliation; humiliating you and other women gives him his pride. This is a biggie and you have a business to see to as well.
To love someone especially in a marriage is to have their best interests at heart, giving your utmost to do and be all in your power to achieve this.
In my own experience, I was working / studying, then fallen ill, abandoned and treated coldly and harshly. I came home from work / study to an empty home, ate my morsel and prayed to Jesus to help me to forgive and let go, to rally, to give me answers so that he could be healed and we could be healed. I still kept my role as wife although it was not possible to be his friend. I examined myself, by integrity, what would give me a clear conscience; the history of our relationship, not just by the feelings we had. My failing marriage and distressed love of my life became my priority, receiving my full attention and sacrifice. I prayed and cried and waitied for answers... kept on living and the answers came... I gave my utmost at that time and if it didn't work then I would have been satisfied to end it.
We learned alot about each other in that time and because of what we both had come to understand, he was able to change with time and I was able to adjust... Hope this was helpful...
2007-11-16 14:56:03 · answer #2 · answered by InTact 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs counseling and what he is doing has nothing to do with you. He is hurting and when he hurts you, it makes him feel good within only for a minute. He knows you care about him and he also thinks you're going to cheat on him like his ex did so he wants to get you before you get him. I think you two need to do counseling especially him and if it doesn't work you need to walk. He is playing a dangerous game. If he isn't cheating he is going to be before it's over.
2007-11-16 15:42:29 · answer #3 · answered by KSR 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right. He woke you up, just to say something nasty. Basically, this guy has no respect for women. Everytime he says something about them, it is negative.
I am so glad to see your expressions of self respect and self confidence! No way are you a doormat. Excellent.
You don't sound as if you have any kids, yet, and you've got a job. In your situation, that is two massive hoorays.
He's got the problem and you've got too much self respect to stay in the marriage. You've already made up your mind - re-read your post.
My suggestion: ask around for a good lawyer.
2007-11-16 14:02:40 · answer #4 · answered by lighght30 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is classic emotional abuse. He even admits it. He just wants to hurt you so he can control you. If you want to save this marriage, he needs some serious counseling.
Sit down and talk with him. You have to decide you're not going to take it anymore. If he's not committed to changing.....you're going to have to end this marriage.....because the abuse only gets worse....it won't stay the same.
2007-11-16 13:58:31 · answer #5 · answered by jtbrick1208 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion he is just crying out for attention in a negative way. Don't end your marriage just because you are angry about the way he treats you when he's feeling lonely. You'll regret it if that's the only reason you have.
2007-11-16 13:58:24 · answer #6 · answered by marcavelli0569 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you start using sexuality and a reward/punishment you are well on your way to divorce so you might as well do it.
He thinks your trust is suspect and you shut him out.
Both of you need some individual therapy ( NOT COUPLES COUNSELING ). Him for his view of women, you for your obvious thin skin and insecurity.
BTW with holding sexuality is every bit as emotionally abusive as harsh language maybe even more so.
You two seem to be in relationship destruction dance.
You want to be treated as a lady act like one. I'm not sure you are acting like a whore wife maybe more of a angry child.
2007-11-16 14:00:25 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Leave the bastard. Girl, if you dont leave now, it will only make things worse for you. You shouldnt be spoken to in that manner and is only showing him that you are weak to take this crap. Stand strong, get yourself together and get out!
2007-11-16 13:55:29 · answer #8 · answered by vixxen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him, he has no respect for you whats so ever! Leaving would be the only way to end all of this! Good luck!
2007-11-16 14:04:20 · answer #9 · answered by NY Yanks Girrl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is emotional abuse. You deserve better. He is childish, insecure, and has deep issues.
You say you want to end your marriage. I would say that was probably wise.
2007-11-16 13:58:10 · answer #10 · answered by helly 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋