Christians: PLEASE HELP...?

Question

my b/f and i want to wait till we get married , to "u know what", he has been getting really frustrated with me lately because he is not getting any... i already told him to be patient... and he trys... but now we are both afraid that we will not find each other attractive in the future when we do get married.. we've been together for 3 1/2 years... what can we do?

we are 23 and are waiting to get married , because we want to finish college.

Answer 1

see the preacher together and read the bible.. If he love you as he says you both can wait and in the eyes of God you two will always be attracted.

Answer 2

First you say you want to wait then you say he doesn't.
How old are you? You've been together 31/2 years? If you are adults why are you waiting to get married. Sounds like maybe you both need to get to know yourselves and each other better. Just because you once thought you wanted to be married doesn't mean you Have to. Maybe you should take a marriage counseling course. You'd be surprised what you can learn about yourself & the other person if you are honest when you answer those questions.
Whatever you decide to do know that God will help you get through the "waiting period" if you only ask for guidance and truly want it in your heart.

Answer 3

Interesting that you are concerned that you will not find each other attractive?? Why is that? Is that how you feel now? It's almost like you're saying that you're afraid that once you do have sex, there won't be any more chemistry to connect the two of you because that sexual energy you had in waiting was all that was attracting you to begin with. It might help you both if you went to some pre-marital counseling to make sure that you both understand what marriage is about. It's more than sexual chemistry and it's much more than physical attraction. Get into counseling.

Answer 4

Wow! 3 1/2 yrs! You are so strong. When will you get married? First of all, for a man, it is very hard to restrain. I even have heard on the Christian radio station that some Christian married men have problems with pornography or infidelity because they are not satisfied with their sex life at home. They hide it and feel dirty. I'm not accusing your bf but he might resort to these temptations. Both of you need spiritual counseling (check if your church offers any for young couples). You need to pray daily to God about this issue together. If he doesnt prove to be strong enough and wants to leave, then the decision is yours. Sure God will forgive you if it did happen but will you forgive yourself if you did do it? Let me just say this, I lost my virginity at 15 with the young man I thought I was going to marry. I was a Christian young girl trying to fight my hormones and I gave in. Both me and my bf at the time felt soo guilty and prayed about it. Well I held back after that and then 4 months later found out I was 16 weeks pregnant. My sin found me out as the Bible says but I guess God has a plan for us all and things do happen for a reason. Oh and by the way, I divorced that same guy a few yrs later for being abusive. Be strong.

Answer 5

If he truly loves and respects you, he will wait until you're married. He needs to stop letting his hormones get in the way of his beliefs and judgement. Also, he needs to stop trying to pressure you into doing something you're not ready to.

I think you two made a very wise decision to wait until you're married. I also think that your boyfriend needs to take a step back, and remember why you made that decision to begin with.

One more thing.. Don't listen to people who tell you that you should have a lot of foreplay. Very seldom does that last. When you start getting physical like that, you'll more than likely end up going all the way.. much sooner than you really want to. So don't get involved in something that could lead you to doing something you could end up regretting.

Like I said, I think it's great that you two have decided to wait until marriage. It's very admirable. Sure, it's going to be tough from time to time, and you'll both be tempted to give in.. Just hold on to your faith, and remember why you made the decision in the first place. And if you two are getting "too close" to going all the way, take a breather.. and go somewhere where you won't be alone, so you won't be so tempted to mess around.

Have a great evening, and congrats on your future wedding!

Answer 6

You can start by focusing on what is important in your relationship and stop making your relationship about "you know what". Don't put yourselves into compromising positions where temptations can be acted upon. Take your relationship more serious. Meaning, you can get "you know what" anywhere but having a life long partner to grow old with is even more important. Don't let that end up being the only reason you two are together because when that is gone, what will you have?

Answer 7

If you two don't think you will find eachother attractive after youre married than you shouldn't be together at all. I mean, you aren't married and you are already having doubts? I think that your boyfriend should love and respect you enough to wait if thats what you want. Nothing is wrong with waiting. It would be nice if more people went back to that way of thinking.

Answer 8

You want to get married so you can have sex? I am a Christian and I understand your wanting to do the holy thing and wait for marriage, but maybe it's time you decide what's best for you and your relationship instead of doing what's been preached to you. Do not enter into marriage for the soul purpose of having sex. You will not be banished into hell for making love before marriage, but you'd best be sure that the two of you will end up taking vows eventually if it's something that you really want. There are other types of sex that do not involve penetration---you may want to consider those instead of getting married!

Answer 9

Please be careful! Your dilema is not about having sex, it is about upholding deeply felt convictions-at least it looks like you are struggling with that.

You don't say how old you are, but throughout life, you will have to make choices that weigh your personal stongly held beliefs against desires and worldly temptations. Today, you are struggling with not having sex outside of marriage. People rarely see that such struggles are in everything. The same person who would advise you to give in to your physical need is the same person that will tell you stealing is wrong even if you need food for your children. People will say, go ahead and 'do it', but they don't have to live in your skin, they don't have to look into your mirror every day, and they won't live with the decision that will change your entire self. If you go through with it, and then regret it afterward, there is no way to undo it, no way to change your mind.

I encourage you to commit yourself in prayer before your Father. You already know what His will is, ask for the strength and desire to do it, He will hear.

When people compromise their internal belief system, sometimes they don't see that one small decision leads to other decisions, and the next thing you know, you don't even remember who you were, or what you believed in-hence so many lost today.

Real love sees the inner being, the attraction is not based on what you see with your eyes, it is what is seen in your heart. I truly love my husband, to others he is overweight, babyfaced, but to me, he is still the handsomest man I have ever seen. At over 51 years of marriage, my Father said that my mother was the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

You can wait, you can pray, you can rejoice in living the will of your Father, and knowing that doing His will will store up treasures for you in heaven, knowing that your reward will be great. If it is true love, God will give you the eyes that only see the love you have in your hearts for each other. He loves his children, and blesses them in so many ways, just remain faithful. And know that even if you don't, HE still always remains faithful to us!

Answer 10

He's a stupid head. He can wait until he gets married. He's just trying to put the guilt on you. If he really wanted to be with you he wouldn't be worried about wetehr or not he's getting laid. If you won't find eachother attractiv after you get married then it's proulby not love it's lust and you'e be wasting your money on a wedding anyway. Sorry if i seem rude but people who confuse love with lust and say they can't wait to have sex make me angry.

Answer 11

There's really not a lot you can do, don't give into temptation. YOU need to stick to what you believe in. Does he honestly love you if he's trying to make you do this? You two need to agree on this, it's one of the most important things in a relationship and if you two have separate beliefs when it comes to sex and marriage...If he can't respect your decisions maybe you two should break up. I know you've been together a looooooooong time, but what if you two sleep together and then he breaks it off with you? You just need to trust God on this one and seek His advice, mine or anyone else's isn't what you need. :. )