Am I the one in the wrong?

Question

My husband and I are living in our first place together .. we are young, and semi-struggling financially. We live in a small studio apartment in the ghetto. The neighborhood is very, very dangerous. The 6 month lease we signed is coming to an end shortly, and I desperately want to move. The rent here is the cheapest around, so my husband wants to stay here to save up the most money possible for our future.
While I understand this motive, we might not have a future if we keep living here! He doesn't want me ever exiting the apartment for anything because of the neighborhood. Theirs a grocery store right up the block, but I can't go to it when we're out of something. I have to wait for him to get home at the end of the day.
It's basically like being trapped in a miserable little jail cell all day every day. I only want to move up like $50 more in rent a month, but he's afraid of the moving costs like a new deposit somewhere else. Should I not complain about staying another 6 months?

Well, I don't work anymore. I don't have my liscence, or a car. A few weeks ago I was working at a coffee shop right down the street.. and I bought pepper spray. It really IS dangerous to just take the garbage out. Asking my parents for money or staying with them is ha not an option, believe me. We can afford like double our rent right now .. he just wants to save as much as possible. Again, he doesn't want me leaving this apartment to do anything. The job choices for me are limited with no transportation but walking and sometimes the city bus.

Answer 1

Do you have a job? Do you really not have a say in this? And is he serious?

Answer 2

I definately understand your side but also try to understand his. $50 is $50, although it doesnt seem like much now it will definately make a difference in the long run. Although, it seems a little bit overbearing for him to control your every move..you do have the choice to go and come as you please or at least you should. If he has an issue with you leaving the home try to figure out a way to meet half way, in other words maybe look up some information about self defense (if taking actual classes isnt affordable) also consider buying things such as a tazer or pepper spray. Or if this doesnt seem like something you would like, then figure out a schedule that works for both of you so that you can do the shopping together but so that you dont feel like you are trapped. Another way would be to get a girlfriend or family member to do errands with you so that you are not by yourself. You have several options just sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel. Hope this helps!

Answer 3

Get a job and help the situation out. If you already have a job, and you both do not have the money for moving expenses, ask parents if they are willing to help out here. If that is not an alternative, then you and your husband will have no choice but to stay another 6 months. In the mean time purchase window and secure door locks and make it as safe as possible. Best of luck to you both!

Answer 4

You sound scared and miserable. It's like it's not just about the money, but keeping you emotionally locked up. It's not healthy for you to be cooped up indoors all day every day without any kind of life. It's not normal to be afraid to step outside your door to get milk and bread. Even if it's not like that, then he's still not taking your worries and fears seriously. Where you live has to be a joint decision when you're married. If you don't feel safe, what kind of life is that? To prove the point, I might stay at your parent's house or a close friend's house until he agrees to move to a better area. Sure it's emotional blackmail, but in this case I think it's justified.

Answer 5

R u working? If u r working then u should have a say in were u live..I mean even if u don't work u deserve a say in were u want to live. U guys should definely move..U may need to work harder or more often but it sounds to me like it will all be worth it. Just keep comunicating with ur husband let him know how u feel all the time about the situation..Never Ever stop talking about it or u will end up living there for another 6mths.

Answer 6

How much are you putting in savings every month? Can you promise him that you can double the amount if you move to a place where you can also work? With men, money talks. I can't believe that he doesn't value your safety most of all. Since that doesn't seem to be a big issue, take the financial one up with him. It might make him see things differently. Good luck :)

Answer 7

You've got two realistic choices here. You can be right, or you can be happy. Nobody wants to live in a ghetto. If he has agreed to live there 6 more months, then I say hang in there girl. It sounds like he is trying to save up for your future together. It would be a totally different story if he had you living in a ghetto so he could make his harley payments. He's thinking long-term. That's the silver lining on this cloud.

Answer 8

You know, I'm all about saving money. But when it comes to personal safety it's time to move on. I understand his views on new deposit expenses and all that, but like you said, you're trapped in your apartment and that's no way to live. I don't think $50 a month will make or break you two so talk to him about it a little more. Let him know that your fears are real and you want a little better quality of life. Everyone starts off struggling...but you shouldn't fear for your safety where you live, you're supposed to be comfy and secure in your own place.

Answer 9

Do all you can to help him see it is not healthy in more ways than one to stay there. You can't even leave to go to the store - more like a prison than anything. You would not be able to get a job to help out while you're living there. Plus - he is effectively keeping you from the rest of the world. Is that what he wants?

Answer 10

It doesn't sound from your post like you have a job. Unless there's a reason you can't work, I would say better that you get a job, then you should be able to afford a better place. In the meantime, you can't really be in that much LESS danger locked in your home than you would be outside. Go get the groceries.

Answer 11

I'm guessing you aren't working. Maybe if you get a job he'll feel better about the move. Tell him you are willing to eat Ramen noodles every day and cut back on everything to get out of danger.